Hi, new and always been a worrier.

[Spark]

Hi I'm Krissy and ever since I was very young I was a worrier (I am now 30)

I have a husband and 2 children and a dog called Bonnie.

My panic - it consists of constantly checking my pulse. (I get flutters of my heart always!) I have been and got my heart checked and it came back normal! but I always panic especially of a night in bed, I worry so much about my heart that I give myself a shooting pain in my chest which makes me jump out of bed and go down stairs to walk it off. I end up crying and falling asleep worrying. Nightmare.

I also have a thing about my boobs. I always check them and any lump or bump startles me! I constantly think it is cancer or beginnings of it :( I hate myself, I drive myself insane at best of times! so what it does to my husband .. I don;t know. If its not cancer one day it is a possible brain tumor the next. I do Smoke... and I know it is bad.. and I panic about this also .. but I just cant shake this habit.. its a vicious circle.. I panic about something.. I light up.. or if I have a panic attack I walk in terror and then freak out that I cant breath.. I light up! One time I freaked out that much that I was scared to look at my own arms because they looked to long!! (I know crazy eh!)

I have been to councelling and now I have been refered for cognitive therapy...I feel like there is no light in this tunnel. I hate it! I always make sure I am happy for my kids, but in the darkness I am scared to be alive and scared to die :(((.

Sorry for this very depressing newbie post! :unsure:

[diane07]

Hi Spark

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Julianne]

Hi and welcome,

So sorry to hear you are suffering so much.

Take one step at a time. You are going to be starting CBT soon so treat that as the next step, in the meantime try to distract yourself from constantly thinking about your problems, try reading, writing on here, etc and take your mind away from it as much as you can.

Best thoughts

[Pipkin]

Hi Krissy and a big, warm :welcome:

I know you'll find lots of people here who share your experiences and that you'll also be able to give a lot to others.

Take care and keep posting

Pip xx

[mollymalloy]

Hi Krissy... welcome,

Be sure that there is light at the end of the tunnel it just might take you some time to see it.....sounds like you are really having a hard time...I can soo relate. I got to the stage that I couldn't hide it from my kids and just broke down in front of them....terrified them. That was little over two years ago and I tell you that I have come such a long way...no meds...hope you get the help you need from CBT.