What is up with me.. Any advice?!?

[Jemshads]

Hey guys. I've had some problems lately, and I just don't feel ''right'' anymore. Nothing is going my way and I just feel socially depressed. Here are some things that have been happening, you don't have to read them all..

- Best friend told me he doesn't want nothing to do with me no more, he was my only ''lad'' mate, although I feel better after a month I still kinda feel lost.

- A lot of people do not like me because I have always stood up for what I believe. I took my own way and got away from the drugs and drink.

- I'm gay. No one knows this, no one at my school is gay and my parents are homophobic. It is annoying me as I would like to come out sooner rather than later as I don't feel right within myself. I feel like I'm living a lie, not living as myself. Not open to anyone.

- Currently got problems with my legs which I've had for 4 months. I'm in pain everyday. Made worse by exercise. ''Growing pains'' according to Doctors. I don't think it is, personally.

- Lacking any confidence, lost all desire to do well, lost all ambition to do well in school, etc.

- Lately I've been getting insults from my ''friends'' (They are nice people, they've just decided to be idiots to me and I don't know why?) They do it jokingly, but they'll take the mick out my accent, things like that.

- The guy I liked I was really close too and he was really close too me, now he's just stopped talking to me basically and is funny with me. He does the insults too. But I know he's don't mean it in a harsh way and I just want to be close to him again..

So yeah. I just don't feel right within myself. I don't have much to do, I don't go out with anyone. I just sit at home, thinking about things. Its like, as stupid as it sounds, I hate people. It just feels everyone I'm around judges me, doesn't like me, etc. I'm starting to think its me the problem. I just feel like walking, and walking, and getting away from it all. Life just doesn't feel right and I'm not happy at all anymore. I've been to the doctors and they say I have anxiety, and I don't even know if I do. Its just something in my head isn't right anymore. There isn't that spark.

I don't even know what my question is, just advice would be nice.. I'll post this in a few sections.

[Em84]

Hey You!

Sorry you are feeling so down at the moment, can I ask how old you are?

I've been through many of things like this and I know to a certain extent how you feel...I used to be really outgoing have a good amount of friends, sang in a band...worked hard played hard.
Never really got anywhere at school....was bullied all the time for stupid things (the way kids are) funnily enough I feel like a better person for it now. When I got pregnant I found that my friends beforehand had slowly started to go....none of my friends at the time were having kids and I think they found me boring as I couldn't just get up and go when they asked....I def felt lonely, and now my husbands army has been for 13 years its still a hard process as we are always moving every few years and you find that friends you make move also.
I can't work because of the two kids and my husbands hours are pretty irregular so Its def hard...

I had a friend who insisted he was straight (I knew he wasn't) lol....never bothered me or anyone else, we had gay friends, bi friends who were men, I think he only proper came out a few years back over his mid 20's. Now he's always on about his boyfriends etc etc! I think it's great....your parents! Don't worry about them, you need to be who you want to be...this is life, it's yours! You sound like you do have some depression and this whole thing prop isn't helping.

I would suggest you go to the GP and say that you are unhappy, they will do a question sheet with you which scores on that kind of think. I've done one and GP said I have mild depression as well as the anxiety.....Funny as I never used to be like this.

I think once you make that large stepping stone, you will feel confident enough to get out and make new friends...go to new places and meet somebody so you don't have to feel so alone...

Xxx