Do you share with others that you have anxiety?

[crumble]

Earlier on a colleague of mine came back off his lunch and I asked where he'd been... he'd been to (the filth that is) McDonalds on his own. I said to him that I can't do that - go and sit in there on my own. Another colleage piped up and said to me "haven't you been on holiday on your own? how come you can't do that but you can go on holiday on your own?"
I said, it's not the same thing, it's a problem I've got. Then someone else jumped in trying to ask me something so I just said I don't want to talk about it...

When I say it's a problem I've got, I mean I avoid sitting in a cafe/restaurant on my own because of anxiety. I feel like everyone would be watching me. Which in reality I know they probably wouldn't...

Do you tell people that you suffer from anxiety?
For me it very rarely comes about at work that I'd need to mention it, and I guess the first colleague I was talking to it I wouldn't have minded telling as I've very briefly mentioned about it before, it was just the others that I don't particularly gel with that I didn't want to tell, if you follow...

Any thoughts welcome :)

[Stormsky]

No, i only confide in close friends/family... only those i choose and trust.
Average Joe at work has no business knowing....
Only you know who you are comfortable with telling.

[kittikat]

Hi crumble :)
For many years I hid my anxieties from friends, colleagues & family. To a point out of embarrassment and shame. I knew I was suffering, but I became the 'quiet one' and I could never commit to social functions without some stupid excuse or saying 'yes' and then cancelling at the last minute. When I started having PA's at work, obviously my colleagues became aware I had issues but I still felt uncomfortable talking about it. I guess over the years, I learned to accept my issues and to accept my life was somewhat restricted. When I suffered a major breakdown in November, I never spoke to anyone for weeks, (except my close family, who actually got me to the doctors). It took me ages to admit to my manager what had actually happened to me. I think once I had accepted it myself, I had to change how I presented myself to others. I vowed to be open and honest once I was back on my feet and I believe that has helped me immensely. I still have a long way to go, but I am no longer embarrassed about what is wrong with me (anx/panic/agg). People may not understand, but they accept I am not always comfortable with situations and even try to make suggestions or ask if they can help. I am happy now to answer any questions they may fire at me. It does actually help to talk about it. Lets be honest, this can happen to anyone at anytime, you may even be surprised how many others open up about their own issues with anxiety, people you would never guess are suffering in silence too. I hope you see where I am coming from. I understand if you don't feel comfortable talking but as I said it has done me alot of good. Kitti :)

[crumble]

Hi Kitti :)
I understand what you're saying. I guess my main fear of opening up to colleagues is them not understanding or accepting my problem.
The first colleague who started quizzing me I find isn't much of a caring person anyway, well certainly isn't with me, so I saw no benefit in telling him and only the possibility of ridicule! I know it's a matter of finding the right colleague to trust though...
I'm also of the belief that unless you've suffered from anxiety yourself you can never truly understand it. I suppose you could say the same of most conditions. So it's probably that belief that stops me from telling people too!
My family know I suffer from it. And I've told some friends. Some of them understand, some don't. But it's not something I make a point of hiding from them. :)

I was listening to a radio show a month or so ago and the discussion was about shy people and how a doctor had come to the belief that shyness was an anxiety disorder.
I've been thinking the same for a while now, as I was always seen as being shy when I was growing up, when in fact I believe it was anxiety all along. Anyway, one caller to the radio show said they thought shy people were unsociable and made no effort to get to know people at all. I thought that this was an awful thing to say about someone they didn't know and something they didn't understand. But I could see things from their point of view. Hearing something like this takes me back to believing that non-suffers can't truly understand anxiety and how it holds us back. :blush:

Just rambling... :)

[kittikat]

No, not at all. Totally agree, I was very shy as a child too and can see that it either was anxiety or possibly caused anxiety...bit like the chicken & egg saying lol. I understand that people don't get mental illness unless they have been there, but that is their issue and not ours. I mean, if you arrived at work black & blue from taking a fall or a beating, they would instantly sympathise/empathise. People only see of us what we choose to show. I may be a little shy and anxious, but I am not unsociable and many people think I am assertive, confident and controlled (my defense mechanism)....I just find it hard to form close bonds with people and often prefer my own company anyway. Non-sufferers cannot understand, but they can try and they can also support if they are aware of our issues. There is also, sadly, still that stigma around mental health, but I do consider myself to be completley 'normal', I just have some issues that others can't see and therefore can't relate too.
Stay strong. Kitti :)

[committeddoxy]

may I empathise, agree and disagree.....
Turning up anywhere black and blue does not necessarily get met with sympathy. It's more often met with anger on your behalf, or a veiled assumption you behaved badly and deserved it. Both excruciating.
I was once beaten at a bus stop infront of witnesses. No-one intervened, they didn't want to get involved. My son had his jaw broken at the age of 4 in the school classroom; it was shocking how many parents told me that he needs to toughen up.
Letting someone know you have Complex PTSD is usually met with bewilderment as people don't know what it is. But I've kindof decided to be more open about it. It feels as if I'm able to be a bit closer to me when I'm in public, rather than pretending to be someone else, to deny a part of me. It feels healthier. But yes there is a risk of a bad response from people. Or terribly personal questions.
When I'm out I tend to want to sit facing the door, and check exit routes wherever I am, I do now say this to people and not worry about what the might think. I feels like an advance.

[kittikat]

committeddoxy, in no way was I implying the kind of scenario you are imagining and I apologise if I have offended you in any way. I am merely suggesting that a visual ie...a trip or fall or some other obvious accidental injury would, under normal circumstances, induce a sympathetic and compassionate response in most human beings. I am not saying that to divulge your innermost emotions to all and sundry is the best thing for anyone, merely that in my opinion, it has benefitted my own emotional wellbeing to be able to be honest about my condition to those close to me....family, friends & colleagues. I spent many years 'pretending to be someone else' which was not good for my mental health. Incidentally, I also always sit facing a door and near to an exit route wherever I am in case I need to make a swift exit....that is assuming I can get somewhere in the first place! This is just my opinion and again, I am sorry if any of my comments have upset you. Kitti x

[br19893]

I'm not open with my anxiety at all, mostly because my family dont talk to eachother about their issues. My brother ridicules people with mental health problems saying that they are made up!
I told my friends that I started counselling for my anxiety and none of them have asked me since how I'm getting on. Iv learnt to accept that people are selfish by nature and unless it is their job to be empathetic they generally won't be. Sorry to be so negative, I now try my best to be as empathetic with people as possible!
My college tutors have started to ask questions about my attendance, but theyv already pre judged that I'm just lazy so now I don't feel comfortable enough to tell them. I also had a uni interview this week and completely messed up the individual part because I was so nervous! I'm so capable of doing the course and looking back I know everything I would have said now, if only they knew it was because of my anxiety :(

[snowgoose]

Hi :)
I am same as kittikat and told people who were around me a lot re work and family . It took a lot of strain off actually .
No one made me feel bad about it and when I was shaking badly or being jittery..........they knew why .
Choose who you tell of course ...........but for me it has been more helpful to just say .
take care xx

[AngelHeart]

I'm the complete opposite, I'm like an open book and tell everyone who wants to know. I don't hide it from anyone then they know if I'm having a quiet, off day they know why. If I avoid them, they know why. I also like people to know as so many keep it hidden and I want those people to know they are not alone. Its amazing the people who have told me their anxieties and problems. Thats just my personality though. I don't expect everyone or think everyone should be this way. I'v found that this has helped me personally but I understand those who wouldnt want to do that. xxx

[Ditapage]

I'm a Jehovah's witness and had my first panic attack at kingdom hall. I was shaking and much later someone sitting behind me at the time said to me "Yeah, I saw you shaking." My first thought was "Nice of you to tap me on the shoulder and ask whats wrong, rather than just watch me shake like it's entirely normal." Another 'caring' person said "No. It's not." when i was very visibly sweating and not right, and i asked in a panic "Is it hot in here because i'm really burning up." (this is before i even knew anxiety caused hot flashes or that i was even suffering from it)

I continued to get them worst at church but they soon started happening anywhere I felt threatened or told myself "I don't want to faint in HERE." The panic in the hall had nothing to do with the sermon, they are always comforting and encouraging, it was the hypocrisy of certain people that used to upset me and I couldn't sit there comfortably without feeling like i was being judged. Then there was also the pew factor: feeling like i cant get out fast enough if i'm in the middle seats instead of on the end near the doors.


I told a fair few people there (stupidly trusting them) about my anxiety problem. When I ran outside, people would come out there and want to know what was wrong. Some have just used it against me: laughing about it behind my back, and others have been helpful. I've managed to migrate back to the middle seats to conquer my fear and having a friend beside me who can see I'm anxious will say "Breathe" and it makes so much difference to just sitting there fighting it alone, beside someone who knows but doesn't get it, doesn't care, or is more inclined to mock me behind my back about it.

Some people have even said behind my back that my anxiety is a "negative influence." Nice, huh? What they don't realize is that prayer is the only thing that gets me through... i don't take any medications for panic. My specific prayer every day is to keep me off medication because of my own personal reasons (not saying I'm against medication or judge people for using it) and a day at a time, it works. But the people in my church who mock me who have no idea that my "negativity" is my reliance and faith in God... because yeah, i could take a pill and be "positive."


I like people to know things, so they don't wonder what the hell is wrong with me, but sometimes it's only to my disadvantage. I've learned that so many people just don't understand how terrible and real anxiety and panic is, and couldn't unless it was happening to them. I regret telling people because now, every time i get up, they assume it's because i'm panicking, which isn't always the case. Sometimes i just need fresh air because sitting in a chair for 2 hours is uncomfortable. Unfortunately when it comes to the jehovahs witnesses, though there's amazing people among them, you can tell one wrong person, and a hell of a lot more know your business. Ive started saying "I have anxiety. Big deal." and sometimes rattle off a list of conditions a person can have to remind them that we are mostly sick people in this world. Everyone's got something.

[AnxiousAnnie18]

Personally I don't. I'm abit like what kittikat described in that I feel embarrassed and ashamed, I kind of think it makes me look childish if that makes sense? I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do. The only people who know about my problems is my close family - and I wish they didn't even know! I never told my close friends but now thinking about it I wish I did as they would of been supportive and things probably would of turned out easier. Instead, I used to lie, make up excuses for not attending events and then finally I ended up almost invisible, I found it painful to even look or speak to my close friends and so my friendships all sadly vanished, so I guess telling people your close to who know you really well is a good idea so you can share and be supported. Telling others like work friends that you don't know that well would probably be a bad idea in my opinion as I feel people aren't understanding when it comes to mental health (hate that word) and so wouldn't understand the severity of our problems or how we think and feel about things.

[cometstail]

I only tell my closest friends and family. My managers in my last job knew about it - I had to tell them as I was off work with it for considerable periods of time - but I never told my other colleagues. I sometimes wonder if that was the right decision as when I did go to work I felt very ostracised and 'left out'. People didn't speak to me anymore, presumably they'd found out one way or another that I was off with mental health issues and found that uncomfortable. Eventually the paranoia got to be too much for me to cope with and I stopped going back. I felt like 'the mad one' all the time and just couldn't deal with that! Those I have told about it have never treated me badly as a result, in fact in every case it has helped them to understand me a little better and given me the freedom to just be me.

[joefoo]

I tell only people I trust aboumy anxiety. There are times I must explain how I feel.

[Pipkin]

Apart from discussions on here and with doctors, I can count on one hand the number of people I've discussed my anxiety with. My partner obviously knows, as does my boss who I told because I sometimes need some flexibility at work to be able to cope.

I suppose everyone deals with things in different ways.

Pip