Had week off work & now dreading going back tomorrow

[GirlAfraid23]

I have had a week off due to having annual leave to use up. My anxiety levels haven't gone down completley but I am feelig more relaxed than usual.
I don't want to go back tomorrow, its really getting to me that I'm tied into this job until I hand in my notice...which will be soon as some people may have read in other posts I am moving on to another career - teaching.

I think I have some kind of "phobia" of working, if there is such a thing? Let me explain...everytime I get a job I am happy & do it for a few weeks sometimes months & then I start feeling unhappy and restless and feel I have to leave, after calling in sick alot too.
I've been in this job for over a year now - the longest job I've had so far! And I just can't wait to leave but then my brain kicks in and I realise I am going into a career where I can't be like this and I HAVE to be capable & not call in sick/hate the job etc. As this is only retail, it doesn't cause huge problems but its still an issue of course.
I am very worried I will never be able to be a "real person" with a career, money etc. I don't want people to think i'm lazy & I also dont want my friends to think badly of me.
The only thing I can think of is getting pregnant (extreme I know!) so I don't have to work and can be a full time mum without judgements - I would also have an excuse then. Obviously I know bringing up a child is just as stressful, if not moreso but the issue I have with work, employment, routine and being tied down to something for the rest of my life scares the hell out of me!
I have worked hard at university to get a degree but even that doesnt motivate me. I don't understand how people can go into a job day in, day out, especially one they hate, we only get one chance at life & most hours are spent working and being down/sad about it.
I understand people have to earn money and of course I love payday just like everyone else but just want to know if anyone is similar?

---------- Post added at 17:19 ---------- Previous post was at 17:15 ----------

Just as an add-on: My parents/family dont understand and think I'm just lazy and selfish and want to rely on others for the rest of my life.

I also get very sick before going into work sometimes & live in the past alot remembering times spent at university when I was young, carefree and had no obligations. I enjoyed my life then and anxiety was at a lower level, probably because I lived for the moment & spent most of my time looking forward to nights out, meeting new people and drinking too much...

[hwise05]

Heya,

I can totally relate to how your feeling. I always feel incredibly anxious to go back to college after a holiday or even just after the weekend. Its got to be even harder when you don't actually enjoy what your doing. However, like you said you've not got long before you hand your notice in and I think teachers have a lot more support than you are receiving at your current job. I'm not sure exactly what your work setting will be but people who choose to be teachers tend to be understanding and sympathetic.

Having a child is definitely not the way to go, it is the ultimate commitment. You can't just walk away once you have a child if you get anxious and a baby should never be the answer to a problem. It wouldn't really be fair on the child either. You shouldn't feel guilty for thinking these things though because it is the anxiety which drives people to these irrational thoughts and feelings.

Many people will never understand anxiety and panic and I often worry that people just think I'm lazy however there's nothing you can do about what they think. That's up to them and not worth worrying about. You don't have to prove anything to them, this is about trying to conquer your problems. Try to stay positive for the rest of your time at your job and good luck with your new one. Stay positive and feel free to message me at any time,

Helen

[Oink]

Hi
Is it anxiety about going back to work or feeling depressed at the thought of working forever, or something else?

I suffer anxiety at the thought of going in. My approach is per Claire Weekes; face, accept, float. Small, steady steps. It's exhausting though!

Hope it goes okay.

Oink