New here and desperate for help

[Liziik]

Sorry if this is a bit long I will try and shorten as much as possible :) I have suffered with anxiety for 7 years I am 23 now. My anxiety started randomly one day when I had a panic attack and thought I was going to die this slowly turned into anxiety I rarely get panic attacks anymore. My anxiety has led in to depression and I am currently doing cbt my anxiety stops me from going out, travelling, seeing friends basically doing anything out of the house. I have a fear I will be sick or wet myself or even soil myself i have never done any of these but the feeling I'm going to is very real. My problem is my boyfriend does not understand we have been together for 4 years and in his defense he has put up with not living his life fully because of me. My problem is when he gets frustrated he has a go at me telling me it's all my fault my anxiety has ruined everything I don't do anything for him etc etc and this of course does not help in the slightest. He is outgoing and adventurous and as time goes on we are arguing more and more until tonite when he ended it saying he couldn't cope, I sort of understand. But he says he will take me back when I don't have my anxiety! And to me that just seems rude like he can't be with me at my worst so why does he deserve me at my best but on the other hand I see where he's coming from. I want him to understand but I can't explain anymore than I already have. There is so much more I could write but I will leave it there for now. If you have made it to the end of this thank you and thanks for your help :)
L x

[br19893]

Hi Liz, let me first start by saying this sounds like a really horrible situation to be in. I cannot judge your boyfriend as I don't know him, he could be the nicest guy in the world for all I know so I'm not going to jump in and say he's horrible and he doesn't care. Obviously he does care seen as you've been together for so long, but for a person who does not suffer with anxiety it can be hard to empathise.
Have you brought this up with your counsellor as his support and understanding will be a big part of your recovery?
He needs to somehow understand how you feel so that he can see that you are not doing this deliberately. Maybe you could write him a letter outlining exactly how anxiety affects you? Or if that's a bit out of your relationship comfort zone, sit him down and talk to him?
Or write him a letter but never actually give it to him. This will help you release your emotions, not for his sake but for your own sake and the sake of your mental health.
How I see it is imagine if your mum or sibling or child was going through what you were, you wouldn't give up on them. You'd love them unconditionally and stick by them til u got better, putting up with all the obstacles along the way.
The bottom line is that as long as he holds you responsible for the issues your having, the longer you'll blame yourself and in doing that you will never be able to recover.
I hope you find a way to resolve this, remember that your mental health should come before anything and anyone!
Take care xxx

[AnxiousAnnie18]

Hi L, welcome to the forum! Sorry to hear about your situation but can I just add I'm exactly the same! My anxiety stops me going out, travelling, seeing friends etc and I'm always afraid I will wet or soil myself - it's tough to cope with! I think it's hard for people who don't have anxiety to really understand the severity of it and the way we think and feel and I think anxiety is such an exhausting thing to deal with mentally and physically that it does take a toll on not just you but the people around you. It's hard to give any advice as I don't know either of you personally but I can understand both his and your point - it's a really difficult thing but, if he really loves you he should stand by you through both the good and bad in my opinion just like with family. I would discuss it with your therapist also like br19893 said, best wishes x

[angel34]

Hi, im new here too. My other half usually rolls his eyes at me when I mention anything to do with my anxiety, so I tend not to say anything but then he moans when I get upset over something but try and hide it! Sometimes you cant win! I had my first anxiety attack 3 years ago, doc thinks it was brought on by the stress of buying a new house and the horrible solicitor we had, it came out of the blue whilst driving down the motorway, such a scary experience, my oldest daughter just stared at me thinking i must be crazy, i had to open all the windows for fresh air to stop the horrible feeling of passing out or worse! after a while i was able to control it, bit of a learning curve but now its back. After a long painful, complicated birth (baby no.3) its hit me again. The fear of dying and leaving my partner and 3 fab kids. Each ache and pain i get i fear the worst, i could go on forever but i would b here all day :) this site is amazing as I now know im not the only one and what I experience, others have also experienced it, what a relief, im not crazy after all :)

[Liziik]

Thank you all for your help and support. It's just so hard i don't want to keep him in a relationship he's not happy in. But it's the anxiety he's not happy with not me sometimes I feel he thinks I do things deliberately like he feels this is how I want to be it's far from it I crave to be 'normal' I see my friends moving on with life and I genuinely envy them. He has basically said get rid if the anxiety and to try harder but in my eyes I'm trying as hard as I can and I feel an unbelievable amount of pressure now. He is genuinely a nice person but I thought he would always be here no matter what. I wish there was a way he could experience how I feel on a daily basis. Lifes scary with anxiety. Thank you all again it's much appreciated.
L x

[angel34]

Hi, we try as hard as we can everyday, I wouldn't say im cured but its a learning curve, I understand what you mean though, my mum suffered from panic attacks and sometimes I used to think, "get a grip" now I suffer from anxiety, I totally understand how hard it is. My doc thinks my anxiety is triggered by a hormonal imbalance after having my baby and I tend to be worse when my period gets closer (sorry tmi) he has prescribed me vitamin b6, how it works I dont know but if like me you try anything to feel "normal" but we are normal although I never thought that I was to begin with :) I hope you and your boyfriend work things out :)