EverythingIsAlright
01-04-12, 18:11
I'm going crazy here; to make a long story short, I probably have a generalized anxiety disorder but I also show symptoms of mild autism, for example: I was physically bullied in elementary school but didn't notice until I was going through my childhood with the psychologist, I hated tight clothes and having my hair done, preferred lego and similar toys to other toys. I hated tag and hide-and-seek. I have always been anxious, but social anxiety started when I was 15. My parents often told me I had a lot of fantasy because I was always daydreaming; and this never changed and now people don't think it's cute anymore. I was scared of my babysitter and when I had to sleep at my grandparent's house, I cried the whole night. I taught myself how to read, I had 3 male friends through in elementary school. I had my first depression when I was 15 but I think I also had a mild depression when I just turned 14. I was very creative, smart but people have always told me I was different/special and it seemed like there was nothing in between loving or hating me because of my eccentric behavior. I had repetitive movements when I was a kid like...'cycling' my arms and pacing back and forth, but people just thought it was cute. Kids loved to make up stories because I always believed everything people told me.
I changed school when I was 14, 15, 16, and now left high school to go to college and all of these changes resulted in being down for months or even becoming depressed. I have similar problems with organisation, taking care of money, myself, work, studies, eating and sleeping regularly. When I was younger people would describe me as 'socially lazy' and I've always been immature for my age. I'm 20 and people wouldn't think I'm older than 15 or maybe 16. Some of my interests are also very childish or typically for 13-year-olds. I liked to hug my mom when I was a toddler, but didn't really like it when others did it and since I was around 7, I didn't like it from anyone including my mom. I still don't like it when my friends do it and only accept it from people if I have feelings for them.
Because I've been bullied again when I was 15, I have a pretty serious social anxiety, I don't know who to trust, I don't know what to do. I always acted weird, but at the time I didn't care, but now I do, and it's making me crazy.
I never knew how to flirt, dance, start a conversation with total strangers, comfort other people, I don't know what to talk about if we don't have any interests in common,... People tell me I have problems with sarcasm but I actually think I'm really good at it.
And a second question: how do you describe your anxiety? Like, how it feels like from the inside?
I changed school when I was 14, 15, 16, and now left high school to go to college and all of these changes resulted in being down for months or even becoming depressed. I have similar problems with organisation, taking care of money, myself, work, studies, eating and sleeping regularly. When I was younger people would describe me as 'socially lazy' and I've always been immature for my age. I'm 20 and people wouldn't think I'm older than 15 or maybe 16. Some of my interests are also very childish or typically for 13-year-olds. I liked to hug my mom when I was a toddler, but didn't really like it when others did it and since I was around 7, I didn't like it from anyone including my mom. I still don't like it when my friends do it and only accept it from people if I have feelings for them.
Because I've been bullied again when I was 15, I have a pretty serious social anxiety, I don't know who to trust, I don't know what to do. I always acted weird, but at the time I didn't care, but now I do, and it's making me crazy.
I never knew how to flirt, dance, start a conversation with total strangers, comfort other people, I don't know what to talk about if we don't have any interests in common,... People tell me I have problems with sarcasm but I actually think I'm really good at it.
And a second question: how do you describe your anxiety? Like, how it feels like from the inside?