Dyspepsia or cancer?? So anxious!

[oscrazymum]

I have suffered from health anxiety since I was a child but things have got much worse since I had my own child. However, I do not know what is real and what is in my head. A couple of weeks ago I woke up with this what I can only describe as a gnawing feeling at the top of my stomach, in the centre behind the sternum. It even woke me up at night for a few days. It felt like an uncomfortable hunger feeling and it was much relieved by eating. I had the same thing a couple of years earlier, but ignored it and it went away after a few days. This time however, I responded with panic and extensive googling. After a few days, the feeling was still there but I lost my appetite and started to feel nauseous. I became convinced it was stomach cancer. I went to see my GP who thought it was likely to be dyspepsia and prescribed omezaprole. I started taking it and immediately the gnawing feeling was gone. But, then I read that omezaprole can mask symptoms of cancer and so have been in a panic ever since. It's horrible. I cry every day and all I can think about is my little boy having to grow up without me and my husband being sad. I wake up every morning with intense anxiety. The past three days the nausea was gone but I still have zero appetite: I feel hungry but do not want to eat. Last night I ate and then felt like I had indigestion and felt sick. I'm never actually sick, and I'm not sure if the nausea is the result of anxiety or if it's real. I'm so scared I might have stomach cancer even though I'm only young and my only real symptom was this gnawing feeling (plus the ensuing nausea and loss of appetite). But the loss of appetite is really upsetting me as I love food usually, and it's been almost 2 weeks now. I feel like I'm going crazy and feel so guilty for not being able to concentrate on my son because I'm worrying or compulsively googling my symptoms. Any advice/reassurance would be much appreciated. Thanks!

[miss sparkle]

hi, can't offer much advice, but just wanted to show some support. i am pretty sure your loss of appetite is because of your anxiety and worry.
isn't it horrible how our mind runs away and always imagines worst case scenario
x x

[davey2k12]

can i just start by saying from experience google is a bad way too go and im not a doctor or anything but i think for cancer of the stomach too be at an advanced stage there would be black tarry like stools so even if it is the dreaded cancer stomach pains would be at a very early stage but saying that i honestly think that you have an upset tummy or maybe just feeling a little hungrier than usual honestly dont listen too google it ruined my life besides i honestly do not think hunger pains would be a sign of cancer make an appointment with your doctor as theese guys know more than google good luck and hope you feel better soon

regards
david

---------- Post added at 09:16 ---------- Previous post was at 09:15 ----------

and yeah the nausea and not eating is most definitely anxiety trust me i went nearly 2 weeks doing the same thing and i am only just getting my appetite back can i just reccomend mirtazapine great for a good nights sleep and it makes you soooooo hungry and does an ok job with the anxiety too

[oscrazymum]

Thanks for your replies. It's nice to read this forum and know that I'm not the only one that suffers from this anxiety. I also forgot to mention that all weekend I have been convinced that the cancer has already spread through my body, i have a bit of a cough and was getting twinges in my chest on saturday which have since disappeared. Usually i wouldn't even notice these things, but such is my state of mind that every little feeling is a sign of impending death. It's having such a huge effect - the feeling of wanting to cry all the time (crying actually reduces the sensation of anxiety so I don't mind that) and constant thoughts of dying are just exhausting and not just for me but also for my family I'm sure.

[Annelou]

Hi,

My HA also got really bad after I had my little boy, since having him almost a year ago I have had nearly every cancer in the book currently I'm on to a brain tumour, and I am aware of of little sensation or feeling in my body, not long ago I had the same kind of stomach issues I was convinced there was something wrong but it seems it was all down to anxiety and that my stomach was producing a lot of acid, I ve lost my appetite too tho it's seems to be slowly coming back as I have started on some medication to try and control the anxiety. Like you every time I look at my children i feel like bursting into tears cause I think I'm going to leave them without a mummy it's awful.

The best advice I can offer you is do not google! it never makes you feel better it always tells you you have cancer!

Xxxx

[oscrazymum]

Annelou: you're so right about googling, it does always tell you you have cancer, but the compulsion to do so is so strong! It's a totally vicious circle, the more you google, the more you find, the more you think 'oh I have that too' and what you have gets worse and worse- so now I think I have total body cancer. Last year I had a panic attack while driving with my son in the car - at the time i thought I had a brain tumour and that was why I suddenly felt dizzy and sick. Later I realized it must have been a panic attack because I was really anxious about driving in a busy place and putting him at risk and then thinking about how if I did faint while driving, he would be all along. It's a nightmare!

Before I had my son, at least it was just me that was affected, but now that i have him, the idea that I would not be there for him is so horrible that it keeps me awake at night and interferes with my interactions with him - I'll sit there reading him a story about to cry and imagining who could care for him like I do - it's horrible.

---------- Post added at 12:03 ---------- Previous post was at 12:00 ----------

Annelou: Can i just ask what medication you took for your anxiety that helped? I'm thinking of asking for something to help me.

[davey2k12]

i also get twinges in my chest like a fluttering and occasionaly thumping in the middle which i am told are perfectly normal but again im not a doctor so any new sensations or chest related issuea you should definitely have your gp listen too your heart but i can honestly tell you now the fact they came and went points towards anxiety and i know about cancer spreading through the body and killing someone i watched it happen too my mam right infront of my own eyes everyday and believe me once it spreads you deteriorate rapidly so i honestly wouldnt say it was cancer have you been assesed by a mental health team or heard of cbt?

[Annelou]

The doctor gave me sertraline, I was quite reluctant to take anything at first cause I wouldn't know if my symptoms were real or a side effect of the tablets but I have decided if they even help a little bit in getting g back on my feet and give me a break from feeling so worried everyday it's worth a try.

As I was in such a state the last time I went to doctors (ended up in A&E as the anxiety completely took over!) he also gave me a weeks worth of diazepam which has given me the breathing space to try and think of how I'm going to tackle this, has also referred me for CBT which Im hoping with help too.

This is my plan: ( easy to write harder to stick too I think!)

1. No more goggling symptoms, if I have to use the Internet only look on here or at nice things, thinking if I can feel better in a few weeks we may have a weekend away so been looking at places we could go. My husband was beginning to think I couldn't cope with the house as nothing was getting done all day, this was because instead of housework I was using every spare minute I had to try and work out what was wrong with me! Always something horrific usually cancer. this would mean my husband would spend his day off work tidying the whole house which was not fair on him and we have no quality
time as a family to do anything nice so:


2. Do some housework everyday!
3. Take the kids for a walk, fresh air makes you feel so much better.

4. Talk to someone honestly about the way you feel, My husband was really worried about me, and even tho I secretly know he thinks I'm a bit crazy he is v supportive now he knows that I have HA. Just listening to myself telling him all my symptoms and fears even to me did sound dramatic! But he his v laid back and never really gets concerned about anything he has a really sore thumb and the moment it's swollen and hard and he can hardly bend it, it's funny to watch how a normal person reacts to something, he's not worried about it one bit he knows it will prob bet better on its own, he doesn't know what it is but he would never think to google it, he says if it's not better in a few days, he will go to docs if he does he will listen and believe exactly what they tell him!

5. My main fear is that I have cancer and If I ignore a symptom for too long I twill be too late and I will die, i feel such a pressure to stay alive because no one could look after my children as well as me. So I m trying to tell myself that the whole time I'm worrying about dying I'm not living! Everyday I'm losing precious time with my children worrying about an illness I actually don't have. I so don't want to look back in ten years time and realise I, still alive I've never had cancer but I ve wasted their childhood worrying so obsessively I havnt enjoyed them. So as hard as it is I'm going to try and hold onto this thought and try and turn things around.


That's as far as I've got so far but I do feel a little better even if it' just for a day or two! If your not sleeping maybes the doctor can give you something foryour anxiety and to help you settle at night xx

[Knowlesi]

All I can say is what you have typed is exactly how I feel. For about 3 months now I've had some sort of stomach complaint which I initially dismissed. I would wake each morning feeling nauseaus but it would pass once I was up. It then progressed into that gnawing/hunger sensation accompanied by the nausea in the mornings. I went to the doctor and was told it was gastritis and was prescribed 30mg Lansaprazole which I took for about 6 weeks. In the meantime I've been on Google and self diagnosed myself with stomach cancer.

I have 3 young children between the ages of 4 & 18 months and I too entertain the 'dark thoughts' about leaving them behind and not seeing and supporting them through their lives. I can't tell you how disturbing it is and can total empathise with what you are saying. I also understand what you mean about how this train of thought alters how you interact with them. I feel as though I should distance myself to lessen the impact once I die.

I have since been prescribed Mirtazapine as it got to the point where I wasn't sleeping, I became obsessed with my weight as I was convinced I was losing weight as i had totally lost my appetite. The Mirt is great in sorting out sleeping problems and reintroducing appetite but now I feel sooooo tired. Which is a problem as I now feel I have fatigue induced by cancer.

Sorry to go on, I just wanted to say in a roundabout fashion that you are not the only one out there that feels the way you do. I would recommend speaking to your GP as that may put your mind at rest. I've gone to the extreme of requesting a gastroscopy which I'm having on Thursday as I want answers that all is well down there before I start believing all this is 'in my head'.

Good luck

[oscrazymum]

Thank you so much for your replies - it's so nice to hear other people's experiences and to know that I'm not alone. It's also good to know what medication other people are getting to help them with the anxiety - I don't really want to take anything but I think that for the sake of my family, I might need something at least temporarily. I'm going to speak to my GP again on wednesday. I'm actually terrified of being sent for a gastroscopy - part the procedure itself and part what they might find. Illogical I know. Would be good to hear how you get on with yours and whether it makes a difference to how you feel. I totally understand what you write about how you interact with your children - I had exactly the same thoughts about distancing myself so that if I died it would not be as awful as it could be - it's awful to think that way and I hope that i can get out of this. I think if I could get my appetite back that would be a big thing for me.