Borderline Personality Disorder?

[Rhys1879SAFC]

I think I may have this.

I noticed that one of the symptoms is behaving differently around certain people. I keep telling myself that of course I will not act the same with my parents as I do when I'm messing around with my mates but I'm starting to terrify myself.

I'm having thoughts about ending it all aswell, I don't want to go on like this for the rest of my life.

I'm not having any delusions or hallucinations or anything although I'm still suffering with depersonalization after 14 months.

[kittikat]

Remember, your personality can change a lot with anxiety but you should have a chat with your GP asap. Sorry you are feeling so bad, there is help out there if you need it. You are not alone in your anxieties . You don't say if you are on meds....could this be side effects?? Please get some professional help, it doesn't have to be this bad.
Good luck....Kitti :)

[Rhys1879SAFC]

I'm not on meds, I refuse to take them.

I have my ups and downs but lately the suicidal thoughts have become an almost daily occurrence and whats worrying me is that they aren't frightening me anymore, it seems like a realistic way out.

I don't want to put my family through the consequences of what my actions would be because my auntie hung herself in 2004 and I witnessed first hand the devastation it caused, her death practically finished my Grandfather off who died shortly after.

I have been to my GP in the past and he recommended me to a mental health nurse but she was pretty useless and told me she thought I was recovered last May.

[kittikat]

Maybe you could contact the Samaritans or your local mental health crisis team. And please don't write off a visit to the docs, you have been through a lot and that is bound to have an effect on you. Be open and honest if you can, they will be able to see you cannot go on feeling like this. I agree that meds are not always the answer but some talking therapy may be a help to you come to terms with some of your issues. Please look after yourself, your family need and love you. Kitti :)