psychogenic vomiting aka Stan

[Billy_Talent_]

Hi,
Well this isnt going to be easy, but i guess thats partly the point.

I was wondering, as we are all here its most likely we've all suffered it, but when in socail situations and you panic what do you do? I mean how does it manifest itself? Stuff like when you feel panicked do you have to get away from people?

This is the problem, im a naturally pessimistic person, have low self esteem and generally over analyse everything i do to the 'nth' degree, however i thought this was just general teenage stuff everyone goes through. Over the past year ive been getting very anxious before meeting with my friends. Its strange because i joined a 6th form 2 years ago and was fine for most the 1st year. I'm quiet so not particularly good at meeting people but I was alright and made some good friends. To try and cut a long story short. I started dating one of my friends. We then broke up, for various reasons, but we still have feelings for each other. We broke up a year and 1/2 ago now, but i started getting very strong anxiety feelings whenever i met her (starting) about 6 months after we broke up. This usually resulted in me rushing outside / to the toilet to vomit. I then come back feel alright for a few minutes then the anxiety builds up again. However the more I've thought about it over the last year the more frequent and more severe its got. I cant even meet my other friends without feeling very anxious. The other thing is that i cant eat infront of my friends, i used to be able to, but even the meerest taste of food and I need to throw up. Basically I dont know what to do. In everything else i do im fine, its just annoying because it means i no longer enjoy meeting my friends. I just feel sick the whole time. I have told the girl i like about the anxiety, but she doesnt seem to understand and i cant say she's causing me to be ill.

The other thing is when i was doing exams i tended to lose all appetite and now having finished them, i still rarely feel hungry, i tend to feel sick even at the thought of food. Its not annorexia or anything, im alright with my weight its just the association eating seems to have with the socail scene. There are situations when i meet up with other people for sporting events and have a meal afterwards in which I dont feel sick at all.

I have tried to battle the anxiety, but i never seem to win. I am posting this now because my College ball is on wednesday and i have asked the girl i dated to go with me. Im just nervous that im going to ruin both her night and mine by being sick. The trouble is its become so bad whenever i even think about the ball i feel ill. Ive been thinking of taking some diazepam before i go to make sure i feel alright. The thing is ive never taken pills for anything more than headaches and dont want to take a mood altering drug because i want to be myself.

Any advice you can give would be great. Thanks

[polly daydream]

Hi Billy, it sounds to me like you have worked yourself up about meeting up with your x girlfriend, which caused your anxiety = being sick, which then in my experience starts to become a phobia, because you went out for a meal with your girlfriend and ended up being sick, which now results you associating eating and being sick when socialising and unfortunately these are all certain symtoms of anxiety. This is one situation that only you can deal with, perhaps try to imagine what it used to be like with your x girlfriend, maybe in your mind pretend that you are still together and never broke up, you may then feel more relaxed about the whole evening and actually enjoy it.

BUT, I WOULD PRINT OUT YOUR POST AND TAKE IT WITH YOU TO SEE YOUR DOCTOR, WHO SHOULD ADVISE CORRECT TREATMENT WHETHER THIS INVOLVES PILLS OR COUNSELLING, THERE IS NO SHAME IN SEEKING PROFESSIONAL HELP. (I am not shouting!).

Let me know how you get on,

Best wishes,

Polly

[Billy_Talent_]

Thank you for the advice, and i will try and keep a more positive attitude. I've never liked going to the doctors and dont really feel comfortable talking to them about things.

Im going to a party tonight and my x is likely to be there, so im gonna try and use this as a test run. I think its also partly thaty i feel pressured to somehow win her back, to be suave and strong, but that just makes it worse. I've just got to think like you said that we're still going out. Its likely im gonna feel anxious, but as long as i dont throw up i should be alright and and deal with it. From previous experience the anxiety can decrease the longer i spend somewhere as long as i dont feel pressured to do anything, like eat or dance.

If tonight goes alright i should be alright for wednesday, im trying not to think what will happen if its not, the worst case scenario always seems to play in my mind.

[polly daydream]

You are welcome Billy, good luck for tonight.

Polly

[polly daydream]

How did it go Billy?

Polly

[Billy_Talent_]

My social life is finally dead, it had a good send off, swirling with so much sulphuric bile down the toilet pan.

As you might have guessed nothings gone right.

Thank you for the interest. Saturday was going well, i arrived early and helped set up the venue, it was a welcome distraction. My friends arrived, I felt anxious but it wasnt too bad. An old friend turned up and spent most of the night outside talking to him. Also one of my friends broke up with his 1yr & a 1/2 long girlfriend, so we tried to cheer him up. Nearly at the end of the night i went back inside and asked where my x was wanting to talk to her and saw her behind a screen with another guy. My mind raced to conclusions and i couldnt hold it, i threw up and then thankfully another friend stopped me, because despite how bad i felt and terrible it sounds i wanted to beat the crap out of the guy. i spent the rest of the night telling my friend about this SAD, but none of them really know about it being triggered mainly by my x.

Wednesday: the whole day i felt ill, i could barely eat anything even infront of my parents. And had no dinner, i took the diazepam and an anti-nausea pill. The diazepam worked a little, but my stomach still churned. I spent most of the night avoiding my "date" as such and she was talking to the guy she was with at the previous party apparently their only friends. Unable to face my friends and killing myself slowly inside i talked to some 'not so close' friends for most of the night. It was alright, but i wanted to be with my x, but i knew if i was i would just get so nervous. At one point i managed to take her aside, but all the words fell from my mind and i just couldnt deal with it.

Around 11:00 i felt so depressed i decided to try and get drunk, despite the label saying i shouldnt drink on the diazepam i got through one bottle, before i threw up, i think it was just sitting at the edge watching the girl i still love dance with another guy knowing it could have been me. (It goes without saying i feel like absolute, complete f**king s**t at the moment). then at the end of the night when i know ive ruined my llife, I go to my x and say something along the lines of "you are the most beautiful girl ive ever known and i love you". Which just makes me look like a complete freak. Then i went home and berated and silently abhorred myself until around 3:00am when i fell asleep.

Thats the boring ending to the complete s***hole that is currently my life.
I hate people.

[polly daydream]

Hi Billy, sounds like you had a bit of a sh** night then, what can I say, why don't you phone your x up and tell her how you feel, at least that way you wont have to face her. Go on give it a go.

Polly

[louienosuke]

Hi Billy,

I would like to refer back to your first post in this threat, because I have had a similar problem with about 5-6 girls I dated. But since this threat was in 2006, I want to make sure you are still checking this forum, so please reply me if you can see this post. thx.

[sarah1984]

Hi Louienosuke,

You can actually send members personal messages as we each have an inbox on here. Just click on the member's name and a drop down menu will appear. You can also search alphabetically on the members' list and it will tell you when someone was last active on here.