a4000
05-04-12, 00:11
I'm 24 and I was diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression last year.
I felt like a train wreck, since adolescence I got steadily worse as the years worn on. For a while I was able to push things aside and get on but it always felt like a grey cloud was hanging over me. My mum was diagnosed with cancer in 2007 and she passed away March last year. From that point on, I found it hard to keep everything together. I would try to pretend everything was ok but it was not, I went on holiday with my partner but I couldn't enjoy myself for one second, I loathed myself, felt like nothing and thinking I was just a shell of a person living a sham life. At that time my sleeping patterns started to deteriorate badly.
The crunch point was when I got back to work, I sat at my desk and I just stared at the blank computer screen. It felt like I was being physically and mentally restrained, somehow almost being strangled by my thoughts and emotions. I wasn't able to work (I have flexible hours and able to work from home if I want, that helped me "hide it" for so long) and didn't want to leave my bed and face the world anymore. My partner was very supportive but towards the end that wasn't enough and I was afraid I would loose them if I kept having "random" breakdowns when it was just too much.
I had known for a long time that I've had problems but the hardest thing was to tell my GP and ask for help, but at that point that was the only rational option left.
Now that I'm going to get CBT and taking Fluoxetine I feel that I'm in more control of my life and I'm no longer afraid of the future. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to find out common these things are and you can get help and support. My only regret was not getting help years ago.
I felt like a train wreck, since adolescence I got steadily worse as the years worn on. For a while I was able to push things aside and get on but it always felt like a grey cloud was hanging over me. My mum was diagnosed with cancer in 2007 and she passed away March last year. From that point on, I found it hard to keep everything together. I would try to pretend everything was ok but it was not, I went on holiday with my partner but I couldn't enjoy myself for one second, I loathed myself, felt like nothing and thinking I was just a shell of a person living a sham life. At that time my sleeping patterns started to deteriorate badly.
The crunch point was when I got back to work, I sat at my desk and I just stared at the blank computer screen. It felt like I was being physically and mentally restrained, somehow almost being strangled by my thoughts and emotions. I wasn't able to work (I have flexible hours and able to work from home if I want, that helped me "hide it" for so long) and didn't want to leave my bed and face the world anymore. My partner was very supportive but towards the end that wasn't enough and I was afraid I would loose them if I kept having "random" breakdowns when it was just too much.
I had known for a long time that I've had problems but the hardest thing was to tell my GP and ask for help, but at that point that was the only rational option left.
Now that I'm going to get CBT and taking Fluoxetine I feel that I'm in more control of my life and I'm no longer afraid of the future. I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to find out common these things are and you can get help and support. My only regret was not getting help years ago.