My Story

[Stephers]

The last six months have been the worst time in my life. After a long period of stress I ended up having what I can only describe as a breakdown. It started with severe anxiety and constant panic attacks. I was already on 20mg of Paroxetine (Seroxat) which I had been on for years as I started suffering with panic attacks in my early 20's (I'm now 36). The Paroxetine had up to this point let me lead a completely normal life but it seems they no longer had effect. After an agonising period of steadily increasing the medication to 40mg the anxiety and panic finally stopped but unfortunately this was not the end. It uncovered a nasty depression, something that I have never suffered with before. I had no idea how hideous or debilitating it is. I was then put on 15mg of Mirtizapine. I had a 3 day period of high and then straight back down again, I have since been increased to 30mg and then 45mg. I have had the worst 2 days throughout this whole thing. I have felt suicidal (but no intentions as I love my 2 boys and want my life back not to end it) and I almost collapsed yesterday. The doctor has reduced my Mirtizapine as it looks like it is doing me more harm than good. I think I now have to reduce it down gradually and try something else. It has brought my anxiety back on and it's horrible. I am hoping this is just a side effect/withdrawal symptoms. Big problem though, I have to go under the Community Mental Health Team as so many medications interact with Paroxetine and apparently it's only them can give me different medication as the GP is at the end of the road. I can't stand the imprisonment of this illness and I just hope that I will be well again one day. I want my life back. The life waiting for me is a great one which makes this illness all the more cruel.

[diane07]

Hi Stephers

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[Hilycat]

:hugs:Hello stephers
sorry your going through such a hideous time but take some comfort in the fact that you are NOT alone, the very fact that you have gone through this for the past 6 months shows just how much strength you have inside you.

You will get your life back- out of each day find 1 positive thing it could be that your children smiled at you or you went for a walk and there was a bright blue sky anything at all and write it down, look at these positives and focus on them when the anxiety hits and know there are so many reasons for you to get through this ordeal. I wish you well x

[Stephers]

Thanks Hilycat, it is nice to know that I am not alone. It is so difficult to see an end to this.

Hope you are well xxx

[Hilycat]

NP stephers , i know what its like to feel such despair- anxiety is a monster and it takes some beating but believe me- you are doing it! Go out and get plenty of fresh air- its the best free medicine that exists it will make you sleep better and relax your nervous system, Keep in touch x:)

[mandshere2000]

Hi stepher
:hugs:Sending big hugs to you and to just
say I'm in the same place as you are at the minute I have
also suffered from depression/anxiety since i was in my twenties
I have tried a few antidepressants over the yrs but not last more
than a few weeks before ending up back on Prozac but I feel that
it's probably stopped working but I'm to scared to try another medication
So good on you for trying another one
Manda

---------- Post added at 16:17 ---------- Previous post was at 16:04 ----------

Oh and the last line of your post about a life out there
For you made me so tearful ( having tearful day anyway)
that exactly sums my life up

[LAURA48]

Stephers I have private messaged you

[Stephers]

Manda,

I am so sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I will try anything if it means getting well. You never know the next meds they give you could give you your life back. I understand why you are scared because meds can make you feel worse before you get better. But don't stop fighting, try again it may just be worth it.

Take care of yourself.

Steph xxx

[Pipkin]

Hi Steph,

A big, warm :welcome: to NMP!

I can see you're having a really hard time and lots of us can relate to the feeling of being in the worst place imaginable. I truly understand how awful it is.

I can't offer much in the way of advice because I think you're doing everything that I would do but I did want to reassure you that it will get better. It can be hard to see a way through, especially when you can't think straight, but you won't feel like this for long and you'll soon be able to enjoy the excellent life that's waiting for you.

Take care and let us know how you're doing.

Big hugs :bighug1:

Pip xxx

[terror-x]

Big hugs welcome