My CBT diary...

[kittikat]

Well, CBT session 2 today. Started off rather badly...apart from the pshyching myself up thing to get out the door, accompanied by mother, off we go, 1.5 mile drive...ok I can do this...had the obligatory ciggie en-route to calm the nerves...opened car window....damm thing wouldn't go back up again!! Had to leave poor mum sat outside in car, window firmly refusing to budge, amidst the urban jungle. So I worry about her, the car, the CBT...arrived for therapy a quivering wreck in floods of tears :wacko:

She calms me and we discuss....we talk about what happened last week, discuss my panic diary, fill in lots of questionaires, discuss some more....talk about fight or flight and she also mentions 'freeze' (I have never heard about this before), avoidance, thoughts, feeelings, body reactions...how we will approach exposure therapy....then she tells me that she believes my anxiety is caused by a traumatic event experienced about 7 yrs ago....hmmm, I did wonder about that...and the fact that I may be genetically pre-disposed to anxiety...to do with my past/upbringing/family traits etc. and then she says I surpress my emotions.....this woman has possibly got me well sussed already...Interesting about the emotional thing, my doctor once said I was a 'Vulcan' so there must be some logic there somewhere captain!! :roflmao:

All in all, after a shakey start, the jigsaw puzzle that is me may finally be able to be put together.....I remain as ever, optimistic. Very interesting stuff and can't wait for next session, assuming the car window is fixed before then lol....

Thanks for reading. Kitti :)

[MrRedShirt]

Hi Kittikat,

Wow that sounds like real progress... all of that by the second session! Sounds very intense, and your therapists sounds on the ball.

Live long and prosper, ;)

MrRedShirt.

[kittikat]

Hi Kittikat,

Wow that sounds like real progress... all of that by the second session! Sounds very intense, and your therapists sounds on the ball.

Live long and prosper, ;)

MrRedShirt.

Thanks MrRedShirt....maybe I should re-name my thread "The Captain's Log" eh? :roflmao:

'Change is the essential process of all existence'.
--SPOCK, Star Trek: The Original Series, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"

Kitti :winks:

[angel wings]

Kitti thanks for sharing it sounds like it went well and would be interested to know how you get on with it , i expect it puts things in perspective when your discussing past and present experiences gives me some food for thought xxx keep posting :)

[monika]

Yay I'm glad you're doing this. Sounds very good. I think I fear therapy cuz I don't want to face my past in a lot of ways, lol. Hope session 3 goes well !

[kittikat]

Thank you Angel & Monika....I intend to update every week so watch this space!!

Much love, Kitti :) xx

[kittikat]

So, I have survived my 3rd CBT session....no drama this week lol....got lift from partner who had spent 4 hours trying to fix car window after last weeks issues....eventual success, but I declined to drive myself just in case :roflmao:

Re-capped from last session......she had prepared lots of flow charts (not the generic type) specifically tailored to me and my issues, also worksheets regarding irrational thinking versus rational thinking....discussed these thought patterns. Had written to my GP with details of type of treatment and specific issues to treat, likely duration and summary of where we were at present plus possible timeline for reducing diazepam dose :ohmy:...not yet, thank God. Gave me a copy...great to keep for my records just in case needed for work related issues (cannot fullfil all duties at present due to the anx & agoraphobic issues) Had prepared a letter for my employer stating said treatment and duration....very helpful as need to leave work early on CBT day so will get paid now and not have to take valuable 1/2 day holiday each week :yesyes:

IAPT suggests 6 sessions but I am to have 12....I should think so too, how can you begin to tackle all this in just 6 sessions, no wonder some give up without success.

So next week it's 'pushing the boundaries' and tackling the compulsive thought patterns I make myself go through each time I leave the house to enable myself to get out the door.....can't wait for that :wacko:

This woman is good, as I said before, and I remain as ever, optimistic about the whole thing.

Kitti :) x

[MrRedShirt]

Once again, all sounds pretty positive kitti! Keep at it :)

I also think 6 sounds like too few sessions.. I wonder if that many ever provs to be sufficient?

[kittikat]

Thank you MrRed....will do :)

I did have CBT a few years back just for panic attacks, again 6 suggested at the time but ended up having 11 (I think) but issues are more complex this time so think I will need at least 12 this time. I doubt 6 would be of much benefit to anyone really.

Hope you are doing ok....
Kitti :)

[angel wings]

hey kitti

all sounds good glad you are getting the 12 sessions next week sounds interesting pushing the bounderies,i had my 2nd telephone consultation today and she said about exposure and would i be happy to do it :ohmy: scares the hell out of me but ive got to do something so she going to discuss that in a few weeks !!!

[MrRedShirt]

Your therapist really sounds good, preparing bespoke charts etc.. Can I ask where/how you found her?

You've got me re-considering CBT.. no mean feat.. :unsure:

[kittikat]

hey kitti

all sounds good glad you are getting the 12 sessions next week sounds interesting pushing the bounderies,i had my 2nd telephone consultation today and she said about exposure and would i be happy to do it :ohmy: scares the hell out of me but ive got to do something so she going to discuss that in a few weeks !!!


Hi Angel,

I'm actually looking forward to going each week, which is really positive for me :wacko: How comes you had 2 phone consultations? I only had the one and the actual therapy appointment was 2 weeks later....so when are you starting? It is all about pushing yourself, changing your thinking habits and exposure, likewise I am scared :scared15: but so ready for it as my world just got too small....we got to get ourselves living again hun...not just existing:yesyes:

Lots of love xxx

---------- Post added at 21:16 ---------- Previous post was at 21:16 ----------


Your therapist really sounds good, preparing bespoke charts etc.. Can I ask where/how you found her?

You've got me re-considering CBT.. no mean feat.. :unsure:

I will PM you :)

[angel wings]

they have only offered me over the phone help which i was not expecting i wanted to see someone in person as it is really hard discussing over the phone expecially when the kids are at home,she said it is usually 6 phone calls :weep: not quite the help i think i need but will go with it for the minute your cbt sounds so much better and glad you look forward to going thats a great step forward :hugs:xx

[NoPoet]

Hi, this is good, you can clearly see your progress through the sessions. I have now had 12 sessions with another one tomorrow and I can tell you there is no WAY you can get sorted in the usual 6-12 sessions quoted by the NHS. That's about how long it takes to overcome ONE major issue and maybe a few minor issues (or "noise" as my therapist calls them). I guess if a person responds well to traditional exposure therapy they could master a fear in 6-8 weeks, but someone suffering from GAD has got no chance.

How do you cure something that can turn into depression, OCD and any number of other anxiety-related disorders at a whim, in just a few hours? Especially if you've been suffering all your life? Someone told me it takes one session per year of your life (as I'm 32 and have had 12 sessions, that would make me about a third of the way through my therapy!) to recover from anxiety disorders.

Makes me glad I'm paying through Anxiety UK - at £25 a session it is much cheaper than going private, and the therapists don't put a cap on the number of sessions. The NHS wouldn't have been able to fix me, but Anxiety UK apparently can. Your therapist should try to arrange more sessions if they are needed.

[kittikat]

Thanks Psychopoet,

I completley agree with your comments....possibly a very minor anxiety issue 'nipped in the bud' before it evolves, but damm near impossible to fix all the other issues that attach themselves along the way eh?

I'm in it with a positive attitude so hopefully that will help and I think there is a possibility to extend if necessary....

I wish you lots of luck and success in your journey....keep at it and stay positive :yesyes: and keep me posted on your progress, I would be interested to hear if you manage to beat it!!

Good luck, Kitti :)

[Littlemadam]

Hi hun!

Just seen this thread and wow to how good your therapist is! I'm not sure if you are the same, but for me, CBT brings understanding, we are all text book, and our therapists can see a mile off where our issues lie, and how to overcome them.

Mine mentioned the session before last that I had self esteem issues, and I was like, nah I'm quite a confident person. Started reading the book she recommended and then the next session she explained my self esteem issue to such an extent I actually broke down and could not believe all the things she was saying were true, and she was right!

I too am scared when my sessions will end, I think I will tell her that, because they are such a help. I have had way over 6 now, and not sure I'll be ready at 12.

Well done Kitti for doing this, and doing so well, you should be chuffed that you are embarking on something that will help and will change us to how we should be xxxxxxx

Cant wait for your next installment!!!

[kittikat]

Hi hun!

Just seen this thread and wow to how good your therapist is! I'm not sure if you are the same, but for me, CBT brings understanding, we are all text book, and our therapists can see a mile off where our issues lie, and how to overcome them.

Mine mentioned the session before last that I had self esteem issues, and I was like, nah I'm quite a confident person. Started reading the book she recommended and then the next session she explained my self esteem issue to such an extent I actually broke down and could not believe all the things she was saying were true, and she was right!

I too am scared when my sessions will end, I think I will tell her that, because they are such a help. I have had way over 6 now, and not sure I'll be ready at 12.

Well done Kitti for doing this, and doing so well, you should be chuffed that you are embarking on something that will help and will change us to how we should be xxxxxxx

Cant wait for your next installment!!!

Thanks LM :)

It's ironic isn't it how we can't always see in ourselves what others can, and also a bit of a revelation when you actually realise how right they are lol. Likewise, you should be proud of how far you have come and the fact that it almost leaves you wanting more shows that we really wan't to fight all this anxiety inside us.

I wish you lots of luck in your therapy journey, and keep me posted as to how things are going! I will update here on Friday......:hugs:Kitti xx

[LAURA48]

Anxiety UK don't have any therapists in Cambridgeshire?

[kittikat]

Hey Laura,

Got mine through the NHS so just lucky I guess! Good luck :) Kitti x

[molly1]

thank you so much for sharing cbt experiences. i have had initial telephone assessment and im waiting for first appt. im really scared about my first session, was nice to read u r feeling positive about your therapy xx