View Full Version : daily report,,a little further everyday,,,hospital
imported_n/a
13-05-04, 19:20
:)hi guys as you know my mum goes into hospital on may 24,,and she will be in there a week for her knee op,,i havent been more than 2-3 miles from my home for the last 3 years and now i am making it my mission to get to hospital to see her ,,,,the hospital is around 6-7 miles arhhhh,,but i have come to the conclusion that if i dont get there to see her i would never forgive myself!!!so tonite i made a promise to myself that i would go a little further everyday so eventually i could make it there by the 24,,bit of a tall order i know but there really is no alternative,,so here tonite is my diary,,,i started tonite quite positve got on my mountain bike rather than my car because somehow i feel much more comfortable with my cycle,,so off i go i got nearly a quarter of the way and stopped sat down on a bench and chilled ,,the first day i really didnt want to overset my goals because if i had pushed myself and gone further then i may have panicked and that of course is defeating the object,,so today i feel comfotable with what i have acheived which is the important thing,,so tomorow i will go a little further until hopefully on may the 24 week i will feel ok about visiting my mum ,,so i will beback tomorow with an update,,any support would be most welcomed thanks guysxxxxxxxdarren;);););)
hiya Darren
You are going exactly the right way about this..its great!!!!!
Thats exactly how I made myself get further from home and it works...pity I havent kept it up every day or I would be on a right roll by now...lol
keep going with your diary, I would love to hear how you are doing!!
love sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
nomorepanic
13-05-04, 19:50
Darren
I am so pleased for you! [8D][8D]
You are doing so well by pushing yourself and I am very proud of you as you know.
Stick at it ok?
If it helps then you can have my mobile number so you can call or text me to take your mind off things as you go further.
You are coming along great Darren and you should be so proud of yourself. :)[:p]
xxxx
Nicola
hey Darren,
Well done mate!! Going a little further everytime is definetly the way to do it. Keep up the good work!!
Sarah (seh1980)
Darren,
Great going matey!!!!!!
I too am so very proud of you. :)
You are setting goals for yourself and following through with them.
Keep us posted on your progress won`t you?
I know you will be absolutely fine come the 24th. What an accomplishment this is for you.
I hope this story inspires others who are agoraphobic (check spelling).
Well done Darren. Keep it up.
We are all rooting for you.
Take care dear,
Diana xxxx
imported_n/a
13-05-04, 23:48
a big big big THANK YOU nicola that would be such a comfort for me on this one nic and i will most certainatly keep you posted ok,,you can mail me that n,o nic,,thanks nicxxxxx darren
imported_n/a
13-05-04, 23:49
hey thanks sarah wouldnt like to be too over confident at the mo but hey who knows!!!!!xxxxxx darren
imported_n/a
13-05-04, 23:53
hey hi diana thank you your kind words and support are so much appreciated ,,thanks and i will deffinatly keep you posted ,,cant let you all down now can i???but most importantly i cant let myself down,,xxxx darrenxx
Darren,
You have just broken through one of the most important and pivotal walls - having the real determination which will prove to be stronger than your fear as you have such a strong motive to succeed and the fact that you're doing it for you and it's the beginning of a new era for you.
Your Mum may never know how hard you've had to work at this but you will and so will we all here .
All the best
Please do keep a daily diary here and keep us posted on how you're doing and we'll all be rooting for you.
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
well done darren,really proud of you matey,remember...little steps...go on my son!
bryan.
Darren,
You are right matey, you can not let yourself down.
You are doing this for all of the right reasons.
Funny how unexpected situations can possibly be our saviour.
I suspect after doing this and getting to that hospital to see your mum, you will be driven to do so many other things that used to be a no no for you.
So maybe that old saying "MOTHER KNOWS BEST" really does exist ey??? I mean after all it is your mum who ultimately has gotten you out of your home to try to muster up the courage to get to that hospital.
HMMMMMMMMMM makes me wonder...... :)
Like Meg said your mum may never know how hard this has been for you, but you and we will.
What the love for a mum can help us overcome ey???? :)
I am so moved by the love you have for your mum that has given you the strength to venture out on this mission.
As I have been having troubles with my 18 year old daughter and could`nt imagine her jumping through any hoops or obstacles for me.
Take care Darren.
Keep at it matey!!!!!!
You will succeed.
Love Diana xxxx
nomorepanic
14-05-04, 19:00
Darren
I sent you the number, let me know if you don't get it ok?
x
Nicola
imported_n/a
14-05-04, 19:33
ok hey thanks nic it will be a comfort to me that nic cheersxxxx darren
imported_n/a
14-05-04, 19:44
my progress report today,,,,got a little further than yesterday!!!!about a third of a mile and i stayed there for about 20 minutes ,,i wanted to go further cause i was feeling quite confident today but i thought to myself no be happy with small steps ,,because if i had gone further and started to panic then i would be back to square one,, so i am happy with the progress i am making ,,on the way home i visited my mum and told her what i was doing and told her how far i had reached and she said that was half way there ,,,so hey only 10 days then i have to do it for real as it were but i really do think i feel more comfortable when out as far as that,,,when i am out all you guys give me inspiration cause i do think of you all ,,and now of course i am not just doing it for me and mum i am doing it for all you aswell ok so look how many people i could let down if i fail,,,no hang on there is no way i can fail need to see mum in hospital so ,,ok i will again post tomoro and keep you upto date thanks guys ,,xxxx darrenxxx
april tones
14-05-04, 20:15
hi darren, you have come a long way since your first posting, well done. love april
apriltones
Darren,
Great News!!!!!!
You are progressing by leaps and bounds.
You are right to take your small steps , you would`nt want to overwhelm yourself.
You are doing great though, so keep at it.
Let us know when you reach your destination. :)
You are not going to fail, there is no way you can. You have already accomplished so much.
I am so very proud of you Darren. :)
Take care,
Diana xxx
imported_n/a
14-05-04, 20:30
THANK YOU apriltones for your kind words they do mean so much xxx darren xx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
14-05-04, 20:32
hey diana thanks your support really means alot hey without all you guys where would i be right now,,the best investment i ever made was this computer ,,,,,thank you diana xxx ,darren xxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Darren,
You have already suceeded as you've bene further than you have done for a long time . Pushing back your boundaries.
So each day is a new success.
Glad you stopped by to see Mum and she was accepting and encouraging too.
How are you feeling now ??
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
imported_n/a
15-05-04, 19:54
hi there .,,,todays report,,,felt quite positive again today so off i started towards the bupa hospital got about a quater of a mile extra tonite but but but ,,i started to have those feelings pf panic again ,,my head started going light and its really strange because when i have those feelings its like i dont recogise where i am althou i have been there a thousand times ???but i did recognise the feelings and dealt with them wasnt easy because all i wanted to do is leave the threatening situation ,,and of course by doing that if i had left rather quickly then i would just reinforce the fear and doing that is why i am where i am now slightly (agraphobic),,,,(avoidence) is the key here because if i can learn not to avoid places or situations where i do panic then i have cracked it,,and besides i cannot afford to panic at the moment because i do have to see mum in the hospital,,,i am so impatient i just want to go now and get on with my life but how hard is it fighting the panic it really does take all of your energy and when you have finished fighting it and your back in your ""safety zone"" you get depressed because your tired of fighting the anxiety so were does it end,,,,anyway i am not going to use the avoidence salution anymore and if i do panic in a certain place then i will just go back there the next day to reassure myself there is no threat and i will go a little further ,,so all in all guys a little dissapointing tonite but i havent let it get to me as i would have done 2-3 years ago simply because i know now that avoidence has got me were i am now and i dont like it so no more avoidence,,,thanks xxxxxx darren xxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
15-05-04, 19:57
hey thanks meg your kind words mean so much,,but i really dont think my mum really understands the seriousness of the problem ,its hard trying to explain cause they dont understand but hey i will persevere we have to meg dont we ,,,thanks meg,,,xxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
nomorepanic
15-05-04, 20:04
Darren
You certainly are an inspiration cos a few weeks ago you were saying "no", "never", "can't do it" and here you are DOING IT.
Keep it up mate and know that I am there if you need to call me or just text me ok?
Good on you and I want to see you do this ok?
xx
Nicola
imported_n/a
15-05-04, 20:13
hey thank you nic x ,,but today put me off a little but hey we all have bad days i guess,,so i am not going to look at tomoro and think that will be the same as i used to do,,hey cheers nic just knowing i could call or text you while in a blind panic lol does mean alot its like a little reassurance for me thanks mate xxx darrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
your doing fine darren,your taking it one step at a time,and were all very proud of you.
just keep taking those little steps,and before you know it,you will be posting in the ..success stories..topics,were all with you matey!
best wishes....bryan.
imported_n/a
15-05-04, 21:23
thank you bryan.,,little steps you are so right there mate ,,,just hope now i can make it there and stay there with mum for a while,,cheers bryan ,,,darren
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Hey Darren,,
You made it 1/4 mile more and dealt with the symptoms.
Sounds like good progress today too !!
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
imported_n/a
15-05-04, 22:46
hey meg,,thanks,,when its said like that a 1/4 of a mile dosent seem that goog somehow??but small steps is the way forward thank you megxxx darrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Darren,
1 step further than you've been previously is great.
Managing to equal your previous boundary is good, so going 1/4 mile further ahead is superb.
Consistency is crucial. Keep it up.
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
imported_n/a
16-05-04, 19:51
my diary for today,,i have been dreading having to push myself once again ..,,so i put it off for as long as i could and then i thought well if i dont push myself where am i gonna be in a years time <<<so off i goes not perticulary that bothered to go but hey i did it once again and tonite although i only got a stonethrow more than i did last nite i am feeling more comfortable when i am going i dont sort of get that feeling that i am gonna panic,,and after last nite having a little panic i wouldnt have gone there again due to avoidence but tonite that di not enter my mind which to me is a great thing i am learning not to avoid places or situations where i have panicked so on and upward ,,,i am happy i pushed myself to go tonite even thou i didnt get that much further because i know i would have felt crap with myself if i hadnt gone ,,thanks guys for your support xx,8 DAYS TO D-DAY ,,,
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Wow, Darren, you are doing SO well!!:D
Just goes to prove that until we try something, we never know what we might achieve!!
Keep up the good work [8D]
Kate x
Thats good then..
You made it to the same place and yet again a bit further .
You're doing so great.
Do you stay there a little while ?
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
imported_n/a
16-05-04, 21:06
hi kate thanks,,,you are so right there kate you never know until you try,,but how hard is it to find the courage to try,,but the rewards are so good when you do succeed,,we will get there,,thanks katexxx darrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
16-05-04, 21:11
hi meg,,how are you??hey yeah i do stay for a little while as long as i can hee hee sometimes i get bored staying there ,,,but i do so much really need to do this one meg,,not only will i be letting all you lovely people down.,,,and my mum,,but most importantly i will be letting myself down ,,thanks meg will keep you posted your support means lots thank you meg,,xxx darrenxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Hi Darren
Wow you are doing fantastically. Keep it up, love hearing how much progress you are making.
Jules x
Hiya Darren
You and me sound like we are in a similar position here. Our limits seem similar in ways..having said that im sure there are things you do that I cant and vice versa but I have to say you are inspiring me to get on and do it.
I walked up the the local high street on Saturday and usually get there feeling bad, grab a paper or something and scurry off home but this time I made it there and walked up and down, queued in the bank and the bakers and leisurely walked home and got stopped by a couple of lonely old people for a quick chat too.
If you can do it, I can do it and if I can do it then you can too. Im your biggest fan matey..keep it up, you are helping me as well as yourself so THANKYOU!!!!:D:D:D
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
WOW Darren!!!!!!
What progress you have made.
I am so very proud of you right now.
Don`t you get discouraged mate. We all have our bad days, but that is all they are is bad days.
You are doing so well, and yes it does take small steps, but like you said yourself we will all get to where we need to be by taking small steps.
So onward and upward Darren. :)
Keep up the great work. Keep us posted on your progress. It inspires us all to do a little more each day.
Take care Darren,
Diana xxxx
imported_n/a
17-05-04, 18:01
hi jules hey not much progress to i have decicec to have a day off not sure whether it was i couldnt be bothered or not but it is quite a long way,,any no real report today but i will be going tomoro deffinatly ok cheers jules,,,drren
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
17-05-04, 18:07
WOW sarah,,feeels good dosent it when you manage something like that i reall do get such a buzz,,i am super happy that you are reading my report and getting inspiration from it sarah makes me want to go on and do more,,i ussualy always do that go for what i need and sometimes run home just happy i made it,,so sounds like you enjoyed yourself on saturday nice oneand you now sarah are inspiring me to do more thanks,,although i have no report tonite,,but will it make a difference not going for one nite will it be twice as hard tomoro do hope not,,,thanks again sarah xxxx darrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
17-05-04, 18:12
hi diana thank you for your kind words as always,,but i am sorry i have no report tonite,,i dont think its because i couldnt be bothered ,,i have been at work today first time for a long time ,,think that could be it,,but i will be back there doing it all again tomoro ok,,cant let you all down now can i,,thaks diana xxxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
17-05-04, 19:18
well hi again guys i am back already,,i know i said havent been on my daily journey today,,as i was writing my replies to you all i was feeling terribly guity for not pushing myself to go,,so i got on my mountain bike and off i went i didnt get as far as previous days thou not through panic or anxiety ,,i couldnt be bothered tonite hey i know that maybe sounds lazy but we all have our off days i guess,,i will make up for it tomoro i feel better now i did push myself to go,,cheers guys darrenxxxx
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,,,, 8 DAYS TO GO AND THEN I HAVEE TO GO AND MAKE IT THERE!!!!!![:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0][:0] "HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Choosing not to push yourself so far today is totally different to not going due to avoidance..
That's fine and a good choice when you're tired.
What work have you returned to ?
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
imported_n/a
17-05-04, 21:33
hi meg,,i am a self employed painter/decorator,,i have done small amounts of work,,but now i am feeling a little more positive i am taking a little more on ,,i have used nearly all my savings so now i have no choice meg i really do have to work,,thanks megxx darrenxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Darren,
Good on you for pushing yourself to go out for a bit on the mountain bike, even though you were not feeling up to it. :)
Though you may not have gone as far as previous days, you still went and that is what counts.
It is fine to take a day off if you were feeling tired from a days work. Don`t beat yourself up over not going everyday if you are feeling a bit tired.
I mean you don`t want to overwhelm yourself so you don`t go at all.
You are doing everything right.
Keep at it matey. :)
We are all here rooting for you. :)
You go Darren!!!!!!!
Hey great news, you getting back to work now.
You have come so far in just such a short amount of time.
I am so incedibly proud of you Darren. :-D
Keep up the great progress.
Keep us posted.
Take care Darren,
Diana xxxx
Sarah,
Good on you dear venturing out on Saturday.
Sounds like you had a nice day out. Not just business for a change ey? :)
I hope things will continue to improve for you. :)
Keep up the great work. :)
Take care,
Diana xxxx
thanks Diana
Yep, it was a great day..nice to have those for a change...lol
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
imported_n/a
18-05-04, 19:29
todays entry,,worked today again,,but felt more enthusiastic about going tonite,,so i did go and felt ok comfortable going there and coming home,,i did make it a little further about a 1/4 of a mile again stayed there for a while and tried to chill out,,i think there is only about 2 miles now and i will be there!!!but very anxious now about it because mum had her pre op assesment today and she was telling me all about it which really brought the seriousness of it home???only 6 days now and i am gonna have to make it there regardless but now of course i am having all the classic symptoms with anxiety ,,WHAT IF???,,,WAHT IF,,,WHAT IF ,,,WHAT IF,,,ARGHHHHH,, i can see myself now actually getting there having a major anxiety attack and literally crawling home on my hands and knees,,,oh dear really going to have to sleep on this one guys and tomoro really really push myself to go much much further i need to feel comfortable when i will be out that far/???she is gonna be in there 7-10 days how many times should i visit if i get there at all,,thou i did tell her tonite how far i had got tonite and how hard it was for me and hope she knows how much pain i am going through to get there to see her,,feel a bit numb tonite guys its the thought of knowing I HAVE TO GO THERE IS NO ALTERNATIVE,,taht scares me having no choice,,,aw well i will be back tomoro with my report ok thank you all for your much needed support xxxx darrenxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
18-05-04, 19:32
thanks diana,,but i do i seem to feel terribly guilty if i dont go,,only 6 days now diana and its crunch time thank you again my friend xxx darrenxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
18-05-04, 19:35
sorry me again ,,ive just had a terrible thought,,,,,what if next week arrives and i CANT make it i couldnt live with myself??/
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Hiya Darren
YES you could live with yourself!!
WHY..because you havent sat on your butt this last week deliberating about it but you have been actively DOING something to help yourself. That is what should matter matey.
So your mum is going to be in there for a week or more??? So if you dont make it the first night you can keep going each night until you make it. And dont worry so much about crawling home in your hands and knees..you will be in a hospital..what better place to feel bad than there...lol. Take your mobile with you to call for help or reassurance on the way home and you will be ok. Just think of how proud you will feel with yourself after you have done it?
There you go a nice strong pep talk for ya...lol
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
imported_n/a
18-05-04, 20:12
hey thanks sarah ,,that has just made me smile thank you,,you are right of course and i will take on board your comments,,cheers,,dont know what i would do without all you guysxxxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Hi Darren
You are doing great. Steady progress is the way permanent forward. We want this to last for ever now - Although Mum has been the catalyst it's still you who's done the work for yourself.
Keep it up.
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
Hi Darren,
Wow-you seem to be making so much progress!! Well done mate!!:)
Your mum will be so proud of you when you go there to visit her. And YES, you will be able to do it when the time comes. You have been spending time working yourself up to it so your mind has already decided that you ARE going to make it. Stay positive mate.
Take care.
Sarah (seh1980)
Darren,
Well done you!!!!!! another 1/4 mile.
What success ey????
You are just about there, and better yet you set a goal for yourself and you are sticking to it. So pat yourself on the back won`t you? :)
I only hope that someday your mum will understand how painful this has been for you. I certainly do. :)
You have accomplished so much in just a short time, you should feel so proud of yourself.
I am very proud of you Darren. You went against your comfort and safety zones and went out and grabbed the bull by the horns and pushed it back. Keep pushing mate you`ll be there come next week I know you will.
Try not to focus on how many times you should visit. For now just focus on getting there. :)
We`ll discuss how many times later. LOL..... :-D
I hope your mum is doing well.
Take care and keep us posted on your progress..
Much love to you Darren.
Diana xxxx
imported_n/a
19-05-04, 19:27
hey sarah ,,thank you so much for your support,,and you are right ive never thought of it like that before working up to it and you are right my mind has already made the dicision about going so really i should not question that and when the time comes just get there,,,thanks sarah xxxxxdarrenxxx
HEY SARAH WILL YOU TREAT ME TO SOME OF YOUR BEN&JERRYS ICE CREAM IF I MAKE IT XX LOLXX
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
19-05-04, 19:37
hey guys ,,my report for today,,,hey was so positive again today absolutly no panic whatsoever i am virtually just around the corner from the hospital now i looked on my street map today and i am over 3/4's of the way there the only thing i cant seem to shake off is that silly stupid little voice in your head telling you negative thoughts like what if what if,,well what can you do other than ignore it ,,visited mum again tonite and walked in shattered from the cycle ride to hospital and each evening i tell her how far i have been and tonite she said all this hard work just to come and visit me in the hospital,,and it felt nice sort of like it was appreciated witch brought a smile to my face and of course gives me that extra boost to get there so i did really good tonite and its the big push at the weekend ,,thank you all again for all your support means so much,,xxxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Hiya Darren,
Well done again matey!!!!!
Already 3/4 of the way there ey????
You would`ve never thought this was possible a while back would you have?
Keep at it matey almost there. :)
Kudos to you!!!!!!!
Good mum has acknowledged your hard work and appreciates it. :)
Good for her heart and yours ey??????
Take care and onward and upward mate.
Love Diana xxxxx
imported_n/a
19-05-04, 19:46
HI DIANA,, thank you as always your support and kind words are much needed and appreciated ,aw diana it really was so hard to push myself in the beginning coming out from my safty zones truly was ,,but now i have a wider much wider safty zone hee hee,,truly hope i do make it and with al your support i am sure i will,,and whan i let you all know next week that i have been ,,then we will discuss how many times i should visit lol,,thank you so much diana,xxx darrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
No problem mate.
Keep up the great work.
You are truly a gem. :)
Take care,
Love Diana xxxx
Darren
That is such wonderful progress. Well done indeed. You'll be there very shortly.
Especially for someone who wouldn't go more than 2-3 miles only a few days ago, its amazing progress. Congratulations.
I'm so pleased that Mum has recognised your efforts. She may not appreciate all the trauma you're going through but as any Mum does - she does appreciate home made efforts more than shop bought ones so all your effort will be doing huge amounts for your relationship after the operation is long finished.
As for the voice, use virtual duct tape to shut it up and counter each irrational what if with a factual statement.
Positve affirmations repeated over and over again can be very useful.
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
imported_n/a
19-05-04, 20:11
hey thanks meg ,,i most certainatly could not have done it if i hadnt found this site and all you guys,,hey i have some duct tape and not scared to use it LOL,,funny somehow i have never before felt this close to mum??thank you again diana love darrenxxxxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Darren,
I'll treat you to some of my Ben&Jerrys ice cream weather you make it or not mate!!!!!lol
Sarah (seh1980) xxxxxxxxxx
Awww Darren.
So glad to hear you say you feel closer to your mum than ever before.
That is great!!!!!
Could be that these terrible attacks and feelings really do serve a purpose in our lives ey?????
Take care mate, and make sure you take Sarah up on her offer for the Ben&Jerrys. LOL..... :-D
Though we are all sure you will be posting next week about yourt "VISIT" to the hospital.
Keep at it Darren.
Love Diana xxxx
imported_n/a
20-05-04, 19:22
hi guys ,,my report for today,,feeling ok again got the furtest i have been for a long time tonite i am litterally just around the corner now from the hospital i can virtually see the place!!!i seem to be ok going there its the coming back that seems to be the problem,,not sure why but i get more anxious coming back than going odd eh,,,but anyhows guys their are only 4 days now and mum is in there ,,,so this weekend is going to be the toughest yet i have set myself some goals and i know exactly how much or how far to push myself each day ,,so there we go pretty good mmm,,,thanks to you all darrenxxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
20-05-04, 19:27
thank you diana as alwaysxx,,i think you may have something there diana lol,,i can feel a book coming on,,,hey i sure am gonna take sarah up on her ben&jerrys never tried it is it nice??i do hope i dont let you all down diana about posting my report visit to hospital ,,,thank you again diana xxxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Hi Darren
Put it this way..Ben and Jerry's is on a par if not better than Hagen Das...LOL
Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Hi Darren
Believe in yourself like we all believe in you. You have come so far this last few weeks, probably the best progress this site has seen for a long time. You know you can do it, you have showed that by how hard you have pushed yourself. I know you are doing this for your mum, but its also about you. Be proud of yourself, we all are of you of how well you have done. Youve got a lot of inner strength that you seem to dismiss, hang on to that because you are strong. Remember the positive thoughts, they help us move forward and so far they have helped you loads!!!
Talk to you soon. Take care.
Lots of love Sal xxxxxxx
Darren,
The issues with the coming back bit is about having successfully achieved your goal for reaching further today - you subconciously inwardly 'let go' and forget that coming home is also a challenge.
Success also brings on additional thoughts that you may be starting to get you carried away.
Well done on your continued achievements
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
imported_n/a
21-05-04, 17:52
hi guys ,,no report today???not sure wether i could be bothered to go or not just didnt seem bothered ,,a day off wontt do me any harm i guess althou as i am writing this i do feel if i miss a day it will be twice as hard tomoro,,thanks xxxdarrenxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
21-05-04, 17:56
hi meg,,you have given me something to think about there i have never really had a problem comeing back from somewhere really,,but have thought about what you said and it seems to make sense,,comeing back is also a challenge cause i have started to get just as anxious comine as going hhhmmmmm,,,ayways cant seem to find the drive tonite meg to push myself to go???do hope i can tomoro???thank you meg xxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
22-05-04, 19:48
hi guys ,,my report for today,,well now there are only 2 days to go now until i have no choice to get there,,i have been he furthest tonite there is only one road to get down now and i am there its about 200 yards i feel more comfortable when there now just a little anxious but i think i am dealing with that so tomoro i am gonna try and make it all the way ???hey also today i looked on the bupa website and they have a virtual tour were you can see the bedrooms reception areas and even the exterior of the building which has taken some of the worry away cause now i sort of know what i am walking in to ,,,thanks xxxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Hiya Darren
Well done you mate!!!
You are so near its just gonna take a weeny bit to go all the way!!
Just remember its a HOSPITAL so if you have a bad spell you will be in the best place!!!! (not that you will need it, I have every confidence...remember, you are my inspiration :)!!!)
take care
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
hi darren,its great that your doing this forum diary,cos it will always be here,for you to look back on with pride!
just a thought about the journey home...have a reward ready for your return,be it ice cream,mini bottle of drink,cd,a book youve always wanted to read..you know better,than any of us,wot youd like...so arrange it for yourself..you may enjoy the return journey!
your doing great matey....bryan.
imported_n/a
23-05-04, 08:41
hi sarah,,thakks as always,,you do make me smile,,wish i could go all the way lol,,,and its a private hospital sarah so they would probably charge me for haveing a panic attack lol,,do hope i dont let you down thanks sarah,,,
xxxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
23-05-04, 08:45
hi bryan,,how are you??,,,the daily diary does seem to be helping,,hey i have already thought of a reward for when i get back home,,,i have just bought some more memory for my pc so when i get back ""if i do get there ""i am going to install my memory in the pc,,sad i know but its something to look foward to,,hey cheers bryan
darren,,,
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
23-05-04, 20:05
hi again,,only 1 day to go now,,my report for today,,well i was ok again about going the anxiety about going out or far from my safty zone is deffinatly diminishing,,didnt quiye get all the way tonite so near so near i seem to be having difficuty in giving my all and actually getting to the hospital dont know why,,and mum goes in there tomoro ,,i meen think of how anxious she must be having a knee replacement???and i cant even go somewhere where i want to,,,mum seems to be showing some intrest now in how far i am getting which is sort of comforting,,i guess in her own way she seems to understand cause she is starting to give me advice and encouragement,,which is nice ,,so guys it is actually crunch day tomoro,,althou i wont be visiting tomoro cause she dosent have her op until 6,30 and she wont be on the ward until 8,30 so it will be to late to visit,,so tuesday is gonna be the day when i have to go so please wish me luck,,,,
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT ON THIS ONE GUYS,,,,,,
xxxxxxxdarrenxxxxxxxxxxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Well done Darren.
Glad you and Mum are sharing some of this together.
Good luck with your rehersal tomorrow
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
nomorepanic
23-05-04, 20:59
Darren
You can do it ok? We are all here behind you so go for it!
xx
Nicola
sweetwater
24-05-04, 09:27
Best wishes to you Darren. Let us know how you are going. xx.
Well done mate !
Around the corner is excellent.
Keep up the good work!
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Darren
Big hugs to you, hope everything goes ok. Keep us posted.
Jules
imported_n/a
24-05-04, 18:42
hiya guys ,,,todays report..I MADE IT YEAH,,, i have been twice today once this morning but didnt quite get there,,and again tonite and actually made it there ,,didnt see mum thou because she dosent have her op until 6,30 and she wont be out until 8,00 so she will be to tired from the anesthetic ,,so i got there and stayed at the reception areea for around ten minutes ha ha i cant believe it.
all i had in my mind is all you guys ,,and all the times i have been ill and all the times mum has looked after me ,,so now of course i HAVE to be there for her!!!i will go again tomoro nite ,,but will call before i go and if shes ok then will visit her,,but if not i will still go anyway,,there is no way i would or could have got there without all you guys giving me the support,,
i know i am terribly exited at the moment ,,but when i actuaaly got that far and was outside the hospital i was a little anxious but not what you could call panicky,,althou i wasnt far off lol,,but managed to talk to myself and calm myself down how cool is that!!!!!!!!althou tomorow may be a different matter when i have to go in there and see mum,,well i will overcome that when tomorow ccomes!!!,,,thank you ALL for your support i know its not quite over yet but hey ,,,thanks,,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx darren xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
MAJOR SUCCESS BUDDY!!!!!!
Thats great news Darren..im sooo pleased for you. Treat yourself to something good and have a happy relaxing evening.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
take care and good luck for tomorrow!!!
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Darren,
WELL DONE MATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew you could do it!! I bet you are SO proud of yourself and so you should be!!!!!
Sarah (seh1980) xxxoooxxx
Well done Darren - your journey (literal and metaphorical) should be an inspiration for everyone to achieve things!
:D:D:D:D:D:D
Emily
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad
Totally brilliant- Darren
Well done and many many congratulations indeed.
Meg
imported_n/a
24-05-04, 22:25
AW HEY THANKS EVERYONE YOU ALL ARE STARS YOU REALLY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i have just this minute called the hospital and mum has just come out and the op went very well,,so i will call in the morning and have a talk with her,,i dont think i will visit tomorow nite thou cause everyone will be there with it being her first nite on the ward ,,i will visit wednesday nite,,althou i will still go there tomorow nite and try and chill out so i am more relaxed when i do visit on wednesday,,,,xxxxxxxxx""""THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH AGAIN FOR YOUR SUPPORT""""""
will post my progress again tomorowxx
xxxxxxxxxxx DARREN XXXXXXXXXX
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
If it's a private ward you can go pretty much anytime so could go much earlier before anyone else gets there.
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
CONGRATULATIONS, HOW FANTASTIC.
I'm so pleased for you Darren, you've worked so hard and deserve to feel really good about yourself.
Glad to hear your mum is ok
Take care
Jules
well done darren...it took love,and guts to do this!
you truly are a success story...ime sure nic had you in mind,when she started up NMP...well done nic!!
best wishes...bryan.
imported_n/a
25-05-04, 18:18
hi guys mt report for today,,,,BAD day BAD day,,went to bed last nite thinking ok i can do this now so i will go in the morning,,woke up this morning went to asda for some flowers and a card and some soap magazines that mum likes,,:)
then at around 8-30am i set of i wasnt feeling that good this morning ""a little anxious""so went on my way anyway ,,BAD IDEA got about half way there and started feeling REALLY REALLY ANXIOUS so stopped half way to try and calm myself down,,didnt work so i carried on got nearly 3/4 of the way and turned back to caome home very panicky ""couldnt do it"",,,the mistake was of course rush hour traffic lots and lots of traffic and i just started panicking after all the work i have put in last week and all the support i have had i should have waited until tonite when it was less quiete on the roads and everything,,so i have been in most of the day feeling sorry for myself,,[:0]
so where do i go from here i surely cant let this one bad day spoil all the work i have done but at this moment in time thats how it does feel,,,:(:(
i feel i have let all you guys down cause i was so looking foward to posting tonite and telling you all how i made it there and everything was cool but i cant sorry<<<
so i have taken the things i bought for mum to my dads cause he is going tonite and again I MADE AN EXCUSE why i couldnt go??and i am totally fed up of making excuse dont want to anymore???
so i am just gonna totally chill out tonite and take some time to reflect on the day and maybe try again tomorow ???:):)
SORRY GUYS,,,[:X][:X]
hey mum is ok ,,and she is moaning already so that is a good sign,,,
feel awful though now having to let my dad take the flowers and everything???[:I]
one good thing i suppose is i have my very last appointment with my councellor tomorow so i can really ofload there,,
thanks guys,,,
xxxxdarrenxxxxxxx[^][^][^]
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
'the mistake was of course rush hour traffic lots and lots of traffic '
You know what to do next and how to overcome it. This is a very minor blip due to traffic and doing it at a difficult time of day - that is all.
Its understandable and you will cope with it by doing it again and going the whole 9 yards again as you did so beautifully yesterday .
It is impossible to have forgotten how to do it - just be a little more gentle and kind on yourself.
Darren , you have already done exceptionally wonderfully and noone including yourself can take that away from you !!
Do what an athelete would do - Get up , dust yourself down and try again.
You'll have to get some more flowers but hard on a bike - maybe her original idea of grapes might be easier !
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
imported_n/a
25-05-04, 19:10
hey thanks meg,,i know the mistake was the traffic and trying too hard too soon i think,,aw gosh honestly it was really awful,,anyways meg i wont let it stop me from going to see the councellor tomorow,,thanks meg i will dust myself down and get back up for more ,,its a little hard at the minute thou with haveing such a dissapointing day,,,i will sleep on it,,
xxxxxxxxdarrenxxxxxxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Darren,
WOW!!!!!!!!
You have done so much in such a short period of time.
Please don`t beat yourself up over this. Be a bit more kind to yourself. :)
You have really done great mate, you really truely have.
You have not disappointed anyone. If anything at all you have taught us all that preserverance will help us prevail and that we need to pace ourselves.
It is understandable that you would have been anxious and on the verge of an attack under the circumstances.
You will get there mate, and you will be fine.
I am so very proud of you. You have done what most of us have been trying years to accomplish, so good on you. :-D
No regrets or discouragement okay?????
I am happy to hear your mum is doing well after her operation, and I am also very pleased that she is encouraging you and being understanding for you. :)
Just what every mother`s child wants understanding and encouragement ey?????
Don`t feel to bad mate. I hope today is better for you. I hope you got a good nights rest and are able to try again.
No one is perfect. We all need to try, try and try again till we get it right.
Hey keep us posted on your journey there won`t you, no matter what the outcome is.
Darren, get yourself some Ben&Jerrys for your return home.
You won`t be disappointed. LoL............... :-D
Keep at it mate things will work out just fine.
You are our "STAR" you have more strength than you give yourself credit for.
We believe in you, now you need to believe in and trust in yourself. :)
Lot`s of Love out to you Darren,
Love Diana xoxoxo
hey Darren,
Don't despair!!! It's normal to be ok with a journey once and then anxious the next time - trust me, I've been there!! Just realise that you have made LOADS of progress and try to concentrate on that. Just think of where you are now compared to last month!! The most important thing is that you're trying your best. We all know that what you're doing takes a lot of guts and we're all VERY proud.
Take care mate.
Sarah (seh1980)
imported_n/a
25-05-04, 22:52
aw hey thank you diana ,,that was the most wonderful post ever,,it was truly just a bad day diana ,,i have now recognised that,,i am or will be ready for the day tomorow when i have had a good nites sleep,,,my last app with my councellor in the morning and the panic is not going to stop me getting there,,i have a thank you card for her she has been great for me,,thank you so so so much diana
xxxxxdarrenxxxxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
25-05-04, 22:55
hey nice one sarah,,thanks,,,yeah it is so tuff but we have to carry on dont we cause were would we be if we didnt keep trying??? """THE ONLY FAILIER IS IN NO LONGER TRYING"""THANKS MATE
xxxxxxxxxxxdarrenxxxxxxxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Darren,
Glad to hear you are feeling a bit more enthusiastic about your trip to the hospital.
Good luck on you last visit with your counselor. Hope all goes well. :)
I hope you are able to get a good nights rest, so that you will have all of your scruples about you in the morning. LOL..... :-D
I know the panic is not going to keep you from getting there, because you`ve already proven that you are stronger than that old "PANIC MONSTER"!!!!!!!!
You are sooo right Darren. "THE ONLY FAILURE IS NO LONGER TRYING", and we are all trying so we are "NOT" failures.
Good on you for realizing that yesterday was just a "BAD DAY" and not a total set back.
Now you can get back on that horse and do it again!!!!!!
Keep at it mate. You`ll do just fine. :)
Tell your mum I am glad that she is doing well.
She is so blessed to have a son who would go through all you have gone through for her, and ultimately for yourself.
You are truly an inspiration to us all Darren.
Take care,
Love Diana xxxx
Hi Darren
Having been reading about your progress i just thought i'd say how good you have done and you make us all very proud and show us to that we also can succeed. Which is a great thing to do as you give us hope. I also have your problem of going far from the house so its been lovely to read just how hard you have been trying. All the best for today and i hope your mum is on the mend. You are trying and that is all that matters that shows just what inner strengh you have.
Take care
Pauline
Well done mate !
You did it, that was fantastic.
So the next attempt wasn't perfect and someone else will have to deliver her goodies, it doesn't matter. You tried, and Rome wasn't built in a day.
Bad days happen to us all at sometime.
You have done really well. Don't beat yourself up about it.
You have nothing to be ashamed of, nothing at all.
You are giving it 100% and no one can do more that.
Good luck, and you will have that panic monster beaten in no time.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
imported_n/a
26-05-04, 19:14
hi guys ,,todays report!!!sorry there isnt one???
yesterday when i got back from the bad attack i stayed in all day feeling sorry for myself and was feeling quite down thinking how can this think come back with such a vengence???
but as a few of you have pointed out i did put myself in rather an awkward position ,going in the rush hour traffic early morning and all,,,but i thought i could cope???althou i was a little anxious about it,,.
and again today i have been quite down thinking about it so cancelled my councelling appointment??couldnt face going,,i knew i would have got myself upset talking about it ,,,so have stayed in all day althou i have kept myself busy put my pinnie on and cleaned up lol,,
feel alot more positive tonite about the whole thing ,,
DIANA,,thanks your posts are always most welcomed,,i truly dont know where i would be without you all on this site so its a BIG BIG ""THANK YOU ""to nicola and all involed,,,
i nearly did let it beat me diana cauase i havent had an anxiety attack like that for such a long time but the desire and want to get better now far outways anything thanksxxxxx
PAULINE,,thank you for your post ,,we cant let this thing beat us pauline can we???how are you doing ,,??how far can you go???it is very hard isnt it cause when you a have avoided going out very far it makes you very scared just the thought of going far from your ""COMFORT ZONE""i was initially scared of being in places i didnt recognise ???????i mean places i have been a thousand times or more it really is stange,,,,thank you for your post paulinexxxxxxxxxx
LIZ ..hi there unfotunatly someone did have to take the flowers and everthing my dad,,that did choke me that one liz having to ask someone else to do that for me cause i couldnt,,really hard to take i think thats why i was so down yesterday ,,but hey that was yesterday and todays here now so lets carry on ,,i have been to the supermarket tonite even thou i didnt fell upto it i went anyways and i was fine,,,you are so right liz rome wasnt built in a day and i can expect to be better so soon ,,but i really am impatient liz ,,i would love right now to just jump on a plane and fly to ibiza wow,,thats one of the things keeping me going knowing that one day i will have beat this and will be going to ibiza,,,thanks liz xxxxx
i was called yesterday after the bad time i had by the no panic line someone called shiela ,,lovely lady and she was explaining about my telephone recovery group that i am on next week cant wait for that,,,and she really gave me some wonderful advice so will be putting that in to practicex
so thank you all again so much xxxxxx
xxxdarrenxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
26-05-04, 19:19
by the way guys,,sorry i forgot to let youall know how mum is doing,,,she is in very good spirits and she is actually stood up now and trying a few steps wow,,
hey she was telling me as they were replacing her knee she was awake and she could hear them sawing and driling what a terrible thought eh????
cant wait for her to come home cause i have the job of looking after her and i am looking forward to it,,cheers xxxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Darren
You are doing so well, so don't be too tough on yourself. Sometimes we can take tiny steps and other times bigger ones, but whatever they are steps.
It's good news about the telephone recovery group, hope all goes well.
Wow your mum sounds like she is doing well too, must be where you get your determination from. Yuck to think she could see and hear what they were doing to her knee.
Hope you have a good day today
Jules
Hi Darren
Sorry you could not face going to your councellor they are great to have. I have learn't so much of mine and i know she said to me that when we are going somewhere which we are not comfortable with our anxiety is already high so it takes just a little something to tip us over the edge into having full panic. Thats what happend to you. No big deal you will try again you cannot expect panic to just leave us when it has been with us for so long you just have to put new messages into that brain of yours. I myself stuggle to go further than somewhere i know i can walk back from and at one time could not even do that as i had the jelly leg thing and of balance i do still get that but i try and bypass it. My fella wants to go on holiday this year and i'm saying i'll go but well i just do not know, he's not very good with anxiety and does not even try and understand it. Because he's not good and i am ashamed of myself i keep it in so its far worse when i am with him. On sunday i am staying in a hotel in Birmingham which is only 15 min from my house, as i have friend who i met on the internet coming over from America so we are all meeting up in Town and i'm just not sure if i can do it. They have been great and said if i do not want to stay night i can go home and come back in the morning. But the thing which causes me so much anxiety is what if when Sunday comes anxiety is high and i so do not want to let them down as they are going to London for saturday and coming to Birmingham on the Sunday just to meet me. So i know i have to meet them and cannot just go when i want to its just not fair on them, when they have gone to so much trouble. Right now i'm doing my best not to think i will just wait and see how things are. Unless you have suffered from anxiety you just do not understand they think cause i will be having fun that anxiety will be gone but thats it i will not be having fun such a shame really. So glab your mum is doing so well and at least you have the job of looking after her so she knows that you love her even if you do not manage to go to the hospital.
Take care
Pauline
imported_n/a
27-05-04, 20:06
hiya jules,,hey thanks for your post ,,it is so difficult not to be hard on yourself when you think you have ""failed"" at something you really want to do thou jules???
small steps is the answer but i am so impatient lol,,
really looking forward to the tele recovery group spoke to the lady who is running it she sound great,,hey and she never left her home for 20 years and now she goes everywhere,,great or what,,thanks again jules,,
darren
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
27-05-04, 20:20
hi pauline thank you so much for your post,,the councellor was my last appointment so it really didnt mean that much but still wish i could have got there,,hey i have a thank you card for her cause she was really good so i will go and leave it at the reception for her,,i also struggle to go further from my ""comfort"" zone but i dont walk i take my moutain bike lol so i can get home quickly if i need to lol,,and if i am seen without my bike people actually say to me wheres your bike!!!!lol,,,if only they knew????
please trry to get rid of those ""WHAT IFS"" they are a real problem i know they used to stop me going anywhere at one point,,,
but hey i am so sure you will have a lovely time in birmingham with your pal and you will be fine,,
hey i have a penpal in germany and she has asked me to go over there ha ha i havent told her you see about my poblem so althou i would love to go ,,i cant at the minute,,,
and yeah spoke to mum today and she is being really understanding with me even thou she dosent comprehend the full impact is has on our lives,,and i am really looking forward to looking after her when she comes out on saturday maybe hopeso,,
thank you again pauline
xxxxxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
imported_n/a
27-05-04, 20:27
hi guys i think this could be my last post on the hospital trips ,,,cause mum hopefully out on saturday YEAH"!!!!
so there is no report for today hopefully i wont have to go anymore,,,
but hey this dosent mean i am not gonna keep trying to go further and keep pushing myself because this whole situation has given me the incentive to get myself better now and hopefully break free of this panic,,so who knows,,
thank you all so so so so much for all the encouragement and support could not have done it without YOU"!!!!!!!!!!
hey but i will still post any progress i do make ok,,
thanks again
looking forward to my telephone recovery group starting 1st june,,
thanks guys,
xxxxxxxxxxxdarrenxxxxxxxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
hey Darren,
I'm glad to hear that your mum is ok and is coming out on saturday. You have done so well - you had better NOT give up now mate!!!!!
See what you can do when you put your mind to it!?!
Sarah (seh1980)
imported_n/a
27-05-04, 23:37
hi sarah ,,hey thanks for your post,,,
thought you were on your way to paris?????
xxxdarrenxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Hiya Darren,
Glad to hear mum is recovering well.
So happy to hear that she is being very understanding too.
We here all know what an accomplishment this has been for you. Even if you have`nt made it to the hospital.
You have achieved so much more than you may have at this point if this surgery on mum never came up.
I am so very proud of you Darren.
Good that you have the job of looking after mum on her return home. It will give you both some time to bond since so much has been revealed leading up to the surgery date.
This revelation can only bring you two closer.
Darren 'DO NOT' I repeat 'DO NOT' beat yourself up over not making it to the hospital.
You have not "FAILED". Instead you have achieved and accomplished things you may not have if this surgery on your mum had never arised.
You have pushed yourself beyond your own comfort limits. That is a "HUGE" achievement. All for the love of mum initially, but with this achievement you have gained an incentive to push forward for other things.
So you see there is no "FAILURE" in "ACHIEVEMENT". :)
Hey pat yourself on the back. You have done great, absolutely great.
The only failure would be giving up, and you never did that.
So push forward ahead Darren, and keep us posted on your "PROGRESS".
Lot`s of Love your way,
Diana xxxx
Hiya Pauline,
I hope your gathering with your friend from America goes well.
Post to let us know how things go.
Hey!!!! try if you can to enjoy the Hotel stay. It will be like a small holiday for ya ey????
It`s a step in the right direction anyway. :)
I hope you are able to have fun and enjoy your time with your friends.
Good luck.
Take care,
Diana xxx
nomorepanic
28-05-04, 19:10
Well done on your achievements Darren.
You have proved to us all that it can be done once you put your mind to it and you did great.
Please, like you say, don't stop there. Think what else you could achieve now you have found this new found freedom.
Glad to hear that mum is well too.
xxx
Nicola
imported_n/a
28-05-04, 20:39
hi diana,,,thank you so much for your post as always ,
i know you say do not beat yourself up about not making it to the hospital,,,but how hard is that???
call my mum twice --three tmes a day ,,and tonite she said to me just come i would love to see you ,,cause now she isnt out until monday or tuesday JUST COME she said,,i told her mam you dont really understand how hard it is for me and how guilty i feel for not comeing to see you and how absolutly terrible i feel!!!really do,,
so how hard is it diana,,,,
not sure where to go from here letting the anxiety rule and govern my life like this???
thanks diana
xxxdarrenxxx[:0][:0][:0]
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
Darren,
Are you going to try to go and see her over this weekend ?
You have managed to get to the building once already, so you know that it is possible within your new boundaries.
Meg
imported_n/a
30-05-04, 20:15
HI GUYS!!!!!!!!!MUM IS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!
she is doing ok cant walk quite yet ,,,
so now i dont have to go throu hell to get there,,,but all this hospital thing has taught me something ???"""THAT IF WE DO WANT SOMETHING BAD ENOUGH WE CAN HAVE IT""" throu hard work but it is there""
and another thing there is help and support out there !!!
and of course this site so heres a REALLY REALLY BIG BIG THANK YOU TO NICOLA xxxx
thanks for all your support guys xxxx
xxxxdarrenxxxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
nomorepanic
30-05-04, 21:10
Darren
Great news mate.
Thanks for the kind words but look at what you did for yourself? I just provided you with some much needed support and bought us all together.
You have had some great support on here and I know that you will continue to draw on that when you need it.
Keep it up ok and let us know what you do next?
Nicola
imported_n/a
07-06-04, 21:45
hi guys,,,
well hopefully the hospital saga hasnt erupted again,,,,
mum had to be taken in again today with her knee,,suspected blood clot,,
but this time she has gone to a hospital nearly10 miles away oh no,,how would i get there??
anyway she is haveing an x-ray tomorow and some sort of scan so tomorow i should know more,,
so if i keep my fingers tightly crossed hopefully she wont be in to long,,,i did let her know this time that i wouldnt be able to make it there and she understood but still dosent take away the guilt and crapness if there is such a word,,of it all,[:0][:0][:0]
thanks guysxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
xxxxdarrenxxxx
Blood clot in her leg ?
She'll have a scan to see where and the size of the blockage, then she'll have some blood thinners and they'll keep her long enough to ensure it's dissolving and then she'll come home on tablets and need to move around a lot.
Thats the plan anyway..
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
imported_n/a
07-06-04, 22:20
hi thanks meg,,
i had heard that but you know with the anxiety and everything ,,all things get blown out of proportion,,
thanks meg,,,,
xx
do hope you are well
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
xxxxdarrenxxxx
Hiya Darren,
Do keep us posted on how mum is doing won`t you?
I`m sure everything will be fine as Meg said.
How are you doing now Darren?
Any new goals or journeys?????
Here`s hoping all is well at your end. ;)
Take care mate.
Love Diana xxxx
imported_n/a
08-06-04, 19:18
hi diana,,
hey i cant believe althou i did think mum was over reacting,,she is a serious worrier so i guess thats were my worries come from??
she had a scan and x-ray this morning and she was allowed to come home this evening yeah,,
so now she knows there is nothing to worry about hopefully we can get back to some normality,,,
yeah thanks diana no real new goals at the moment but i am taking on more work (only if it is close to home) lol,
i think i have just about decorated the full street where i live,,i have just taken another booking to start on monday luckily down my street so its keeping me going,,,
i use the anxiety for my benifit when i do work because i am that worried it has to be right and the anxiety helps me do a good job,,lol
even thou i know i have done a good job and the customer tells me she is very happy and she will recommend me ,,i still go away worried crazy i know,,,
thanks diana,
do hope you are very well
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
xxxxdarrenxxxx
imported_n/a
08-06-04, 21:48
hi guys ,,
week 2 of the telephone recovery group,,,
wow seriously i am sure this is going to help i am learning so much,,
really wish i could write it all down for all you ,,
i would seriously recommend it to anyone,,so looking forward to next week already,,,
the lady who is running it talked about how we hang on to our feelings from years and years ago and how we reacted at the time and of course over the years we have shoved it all to the back of our minds and our minds can only take so much before we have to let go and this is where the panic attacks arise ,,,because all the feelings and situations that we never really dealt with or maybe could have done better they all rush back all at once and we dont know what is going on or how to dal with whats going on ,,,,
so i think next week we are doing breathing and learning how to relax,,i have always been scepticaal over the whole breathing thing and does it work and all that but i am going to give it my best shot,,,
hey will let you know next week ok
xxx
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
xxxxdarrenxxxx
Hiya Darren
Im really pleased you are enjoying it and are looking foreward to it!
Im really interested in how it goes for you so please keep posting and letting us know how you are getting on wont you?
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Hiya Darren,
Sounds like you are doing very well.
So glad mum is back home. ;)
Is she recovering nicely?
So pleased that you are taking on more work, as you feel it is helping you out a bit.
Anything that seems to work is always good.
I am happy to hear that the telephone recovery group is helping you out as well.
Sounds great and very informative.
Keep us posted on any new information you get and how you are getting on with everything.
I am doing okay Darren. Thank you so much for asking. :-D
Take care of yourself won`t you, and don`t overwhelm yourself with too much at one time.
Keep decorating those streets. LOL.......... ;)
Love Diana xxx
imported_n/a
15-06-04, 21:48
hi guys,,
week 3 of the telephone recovery group,,,
well this week we were talking about breathing and what an important part it plays in anxiety.
i have always benn sceptical when it comes to breathing to help me,,,
i have read things and actually tried or put it into practice without any success really so of course i gave up,,,
but now i have been told how to breath properly and all the different reactions our bodys have when we are not breathing correctly i am most certainatly going to put it into practice now,,,,
i would recomend to anyone who suffers to try the telephone recovery group,,there is a little wait but hey if you are agraphobic or whatever you dont have to leave the comfort of your home how cool is that,,,
thanks guys
back next week,
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
xxxxdarrenxxxx
Hi Darren,
I'm glad to hear that the telephone recovery course is going well. Week 3 already, huh?? You seem to be making tons of progress - a big well done to you!! Who knows? - you might be able to come visit me in Durham soon!! :)
Sarah (seh1980)
Well done Darren, looking forward to hearing more about your sessions.
Keep up the good work
Jules x
Hi Darren
Hope you don't mind I've been reading your posts - the telephone recovery group thing sound great!
I've been to see a hypnotherapist but at the 1st session we did more of a counselling thing and like your lady, she said that panic can arise as a result of an 'emotional build-up' that can go back years too.
Glad you're feeling so positive, looking forwrad to hearing how your next session goes.
Jo x
imported_n/a
16-06-04, 19:05
hey jo,,
your more than welcome to read and reply to any of my posts ok,
good luck with your hypnotherapist,,,i saw one a well respected one in the town were i live at the height of my anxiety and he said i was too anxious to be hypnotised ???but now i have chilled a little i am thinking of going for it again,,,
hey you could let me know how yours goes!!!
thanks jo,,,
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
xxxxdarrenxxxx
Hiya Darren
My hypnotherapist has said that i'll probably be difficult too and that's why we had a counselling session first so that I get to be comfortable with her and the room etc - us anxious type hey :)
Good to hear you're feeling a bit more chilled now - I'll post tomorrow and let you know how it went.
Jo xx
imported_n/a
17-06-04, 19:28
hey jo,,,
i think i may have been a little paranoid when it came to my hypnotherapist cause i was paying 60 pounds per session and couldnt get it out of my head he was conning me??when really he wasnt cause he has been on GMTV and everything cause hes apparently so good,,,
he did do that EFT thing thou with me which i did think was helpful and still use it from time to time now,,,
do you pay for yours jo??---and how much if thats ok to ask,,
thanks jo,
""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""
xxxxdarrenxxxx
Hiya Darren
Well had my hypnotherapy session at last yesterday - have to admit the cost is the downside as I'm a student and I had to pay for my own. The lady I went to charges £45 per hour but if I go back I'd only need a 1/2 hour session for £25.
I actually really enjoyed it although I can't say at any point I felt like I was in a trance or anything. I just lay on the couch and she did some whole body relaxation exercises with me and then did a guided visualisation thing that involved imagining letting go of the panic and then going back to my childhood to imagine letting go of all the negative things that happened in my past.
When I came out I felt totally relaxed and still feel good today - what the longer term effects will be I don't know though. Off to the USA tomorrow to get married so when I get back in couple of weeks I'll let you know if its still working!
By the way, if you have a recommendation of someone, like the GMTV guy, its probably best to go with it. The lady I saw I found in the phone book out of sheer desperation so I've no idea what she's done for anyone else.
Take care Darren, speak to you when I get back
Jo xxx
Hiya Darren,
Glad to hear that you are doing so well. ;)
Glad too that the telephone recovery group is helping you sooo much.
I,like you have a real hard time doing the breathing thing. As I think I do not do it right. :(
Good that it has been explained to you in a way you can understand.
Keep posting to let us know how it all goes for you on your next sessions.
I have never tried the hypnotherapy, but it does sound quite interesting.
I`d love to go back and let go of all the things in my past.
I think that would help me lose the panic.
I just can`t wait to hear about if it is still working for Jo when she returns.
Does anyone know how long it is supposed to last?
Always looking for a cure. LOL............... ;)
Take care.
Love,
Diana xxxx
P.S. How is your mum doing now Darren? Well I hope.
Keep up the GREAT WORK Darren.
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