I think i need to go get help

[dreamingwolf]

I am in a really bad state of mind the past week and I just need to talk to someone about it.

I started experiencing my anxiety a few months ago and it was extremely debilitating at first ... couldnt eat or sleep or basically do anything, getting out of bed was hard. just spent all day thinking about every aspect of life and analyzing it over and over and over again... very tiring.

It "went away" a little bit (i.e. i learned how to cope, learned what it was etc.)

I have a monkey mind.. I always have. I over-think everything, i get nervous about pretty much anything i guess. But not to the point where I would avoid doing things because of it.

I started experiencing intrusive thoughts & urges a little while after my anxiety started, mainly due to the anxiety feeling that you are going to lose control of your body. i find myself searching out things to have intrusive thoughts about, like "what if i did this... what if i said this... what if this what if that" my mind is on overdrive. I have had a headache for a week straight, dealing with these thoughts every moment it seems that I am awake. I also started thinking "what if i start seeing things... what if i start hearing things" - trying to CONVINCE myself that I do, which i dont, i never have. I ruminate over every action that I do wondering "is it weird that I'm doing this? is this normal?" Everything from the way that I wash my hair to the way that i eat.

Basically im trying to convince myself I'm crazy...

It's making me ill mentally and physically. i constantly have an upset stomach, nausea, severe headaches

I'm literally crying as i type this because i cant deal with this anymore. it's causing me a lot of distress and im missing out on things in my life because I constantly have the feeling that im just going to lose it and go off the wall. Im depressed... i dont want to live this way, i want to be my "normal" self again. I dont want these thoughts forever, I want to live a normal happy life but that is impossible.

im afraid to tell anyone these things, for obvious reasons. I want to go see someone, but im also afraid that they wont understand either and will just make me feel worst. If I didnt have the internet to know that there were other people like me, i dont know what i would have done when this stuff first started happening.

[miniminx]

hiiiiii i understand totally!! i was exactly the same 5 weeks ago!! and if im honest still am a little bit every morning!!
i was convinced i was going to say or do something. i pictured in my mind that i was gonna do these things and then what?? was i mad? was i going mad?
i was terrified i really was...... when i felt better i even thought am i really feeling better or have i gone mad and i actually think im fine!!! i too was scared of imagining of imagining seeing things!!!!
i scared myself to death half the time.....but believe me its anxiety......you wont go mad, you wont say or do anything ...
have you got any medication? i started citalopram on a 20mg dose 2 weeks ago and its easing off and the weight of fear is going....but i do have blips on the odd morning... please dont worry youll be fine.....go and see your gp he will have heard all this before and will treat you.....keep busy x (ps look at all my posts from a few weeks ago, i was just like you are now!!!)

[dreamingwolf]

Yea i am just like.. driving myself nuts. I just started to have anxiety a few months ago due to something traumatic happening to me and since then it's just been a downward spiral.

I havent gone to see anyone yet because I kind of just wanted to ride it out and see what happened. It did get a little better, but this past week it has just been out of control. Literally, Ive had to leave hanging out with my friends because I was trying to convince myself that I was hearing voices and I almost passed out.

I have all the classic symptoms of anxiety but of course I think that I dont have it and I'm actually going to lose it and go crazy, not sure what that would constitute, but Im sure i can think up something.

It's so irritating... that is the best word I can think of. The worst part is that I WANT to be happy and I DONT want to think these thoughts, but I cant help but think them and be sad that I do.

im having a hard time getting close to people, because in the future, when i do eventally lose it, I feel bad that those people had to know me and had to be involved with me. Its sickening. Im tired.

Thx for the words of comfort though that does make me feel better to know Im not alone.

[miniminx]

you are most definately not alone., i didnt eat for 3 weeks.because of the fear of going crazy..now i cant stop!!
did you check out my posts? i was just like you...honest! xx AND you definately have anxiety and you are NOT going crazy xxx

---------- Post added at 00:08 ---------- Previous post was at 00:02 ----------

someone sent this to me.hope it helps you too xx

One of the most common symptoms of anxiety disorder is the belief that you’re going crazy.
You have the sense that you are losing your grip on reality and that you are literally on the verge of a mental breakdown. Anxiety disorder can cause a deep seeded fear that sooner or later you’re simply going to go mad.
However, despite this overwhelming fear of possible insanity, the fact that you fear it, and are aware of insanity as a state of being, is precisely why you’re not crazy.
Crazy means a lot things to a lot of people, however, for the sake of clarity let’s say that for our purposes crazy means a mixture of insanity and psychosis . Let’s look at insanity first and how it is normally defined. In the United States, insanity is no longer a medical term and, in fact, is mainly used in legal definitions.
You have heard people say that someone is “legally insane” generally meaning that they cannot comprehend the meaning of “right” and “wrong”. They simply don’t understand what it means to do something horrible, like killing another human being, for example.
Under this definition of crazy or insane would you qualify as such a person? If you have an anxiety disorder the answer is no. You have your mental faculties in order, and you know exactly what right and wrong mean. You know the social norms of society and you follow them.
In other words, you don’t walk around with your underwear on your head because you know that society views this as unacceptable behavior. The second and highest level of so called crazy is a mental state of delusion and abstraction known as psychosis.
Insanity is associated with conditions like bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. These conditions fall under the psychotic types of mental illness. These conditions are debilitating brain disorders that can seriously hinder ones life.
When someone is psychotic they may hear voices or have hallucinations. In addition they might have a serious paranoia and a feeling that everyone is out to get them.
When someone is deemed psychotic they exhibit disorganized thinking and strange behaviors of various kind. Their very perception of reality is not what you would call “normal.”
It is seriously distorted and disconnected from normal definitions of reality. Moreover one of the most critical aspects of psychosis that does not affect anxiety sufferers is a lack of insight.
Having a lack of insight is just another way of saying that you don’t know that you are behaving or acting strangely. As an anxiety sufferer you spend a lot of time thinking you’re crazy or on the verge of crazy but if this were true than you wouldn’t know it. You simply would not be aware of the fact that your thoughts and behavior were strange or “crazy.”
When you have anxiety you are certainly filled with dread and worry. You experience psychosomatic sensations that make you feel terrible and make you think that you might die soon. It’s pretty scary

[dreamingwolf]

Thank you...

I know this will go away, but right now it is hard for me to even get out of bed. I dread waking up and having to deal with these thoughts all day long. It's causing me pretty bad depression.

[miniminx]

i would pay a visit to your doctor and get some help to take away the fear xxxx

[AnxiousAnnie18]

I would also go to the doctor, these things aren't spoken about much but it doesn't mean the doctor/professionals won't know about them... they will understand x

[dreamingwolf]

Soooo. Today was not a good day.

I started feeling better in the morning, then around the afternoon sometime i started to feel very strange, not like myself. And I was sure i was going to go crazy. I mean like, 90% sure. That I was just going to lose it. So I curled up in bed and tried to calm myself down about it. I ended up falling asleep. I feel calmer now and I dont feel weird anymore, but that was terrifying.

It just felt like I was going to lose control of my motor functions.

[dreamingwolf]

So I have decided to seek out some professional help. I go in for an appt. on either Friday or Sunday (hopefully friday, i cant deal with this anymore.)

Couldnt get out of bed all day because i was so frightened by the thoughts I was having- took a vitamin b and hung out with some friends and now i feel a little better.

I honestly feel like a monster and very alienated from my friends. these fears seem so real and like they are going to happen or that I want them to happen. I dont want either of those things though, I want to be normal and happy and live my dreams. I hope that I can be saved.. from this "madness", well that's what it feels like. They sicken me so much i feel like I am trapped in my mind and i cant get out. Like some evil person inside of me is like "the only way that you will feel better is if you just do it" and this sends me into crazy panic attacks

This has been the worst few days of my entire existence. I am disgusted with myself, but at the same time im proud and havent broke down and done something stupid to myself because it definitely has been on my mind. (not sure if that is part of the illness or my actual mind speaking..)

And the headaches are so painful.