The fear of getting cancer is wrecking my life

[lisak789]

I am sooooo worried that I have cancer. It is the worst obsession I could ever think of. I first thought I had breast cancer but I had a mamogram, chest x ray, blood tests, chest ct scan, and it has all come out good. Now though I think what if its inflamatory breast cancer. Ever since I had my baby who was stillbirth at 37 weeks, my breast has had this burning feeling and it goes into my armpit as well. So it scares me, the doctors dont even want to bother with me anymore because I cant believe there promises that I dont have cancer. Now my other thing is thinking its lymphoma.. I hate that I am doing this to myself!! My husband has had enough my kids are thinking I am nuts, I dont know what to do to cure this phobia, but it truely is destroying me.

[Kelley]

Hey Lisa.

I too am plagued by fears but of other illnesses. It doesn't matter what the fear, the anxiety feels the same. I feel exactly like you and so do my kids and my husband. My daughter asked me the other day why she can't just have a normal mum! Some days my fears upset me that much i feel like rocking in the corner. I have isolated myself from all my family in fear of contaminating and am completely OCD with everything i do to avoid catching things. I am not a cryer but i collapsed in hysteria the other day i thought i was going to have to go to hospital because i just couldnt take it anymore.

I started Prozac two weeks ago as a last resort because i was scared of what might happen to me if this continued. I am hopeful that they start to help real soon...
Are you on any medication?

Kel

[miss sparkle]

hi girls. can i just jump in here :-)
i am having trouble knowing what is real and what is is my head.
all my symptoms ARE real, so what is going on!?
i am at the stage i don't want to go doctors, as i am there constantly, so just resigned myself to the fact what ever cancer i have got will get me as i won't be able to get it treated
x x
i know what your going through x

[Hypo]

I know how you are feeling.

I'm not usually this bad, but I hit an all time low two weeks ago after many years with just very mild anxiety.

Today I am telling myself that hey.. if I die, it will at least be a welcome relief from feeling like this.. then I think of my kids and panic again.

I also keep thinking of my ex who does have cancer, he isn't giving up on a heap on a floor, he is fighting and making the most of everything and he isn't an emotional mess like me and I haven't been diagnosed. It helps to put it into perspective.. but the panic soon creeps in.

I am so so sorry for your loss :( No wonder you are feeling so bad. Your hormones are everywhere and you are grieving. When we grieve it's not unusual to put it onto other things. When things aren't going well I will focus on my health. Your breasts probably do feel different, but that is hormonal and something that is common when people lose a child from what I have read from a few friends experiences.

You have been checked over, you are fine I promise. We can also believe something so bad that we an bring on pains ourself. You have been through hell and back so be kind to yourself.

[lisak789]

Thank you all for the replys! I am on seriquel but so far it helps me sleep but doesnt help my anxiety and fear. It has gotten so bad that if I go to an ER they dont accept me and if they do its to just give me heck. I even have to laugh as I dont know who I am anymore. There are three doctors in the town I live in and I have been to everyone of them everyday of the week. I am honastly feeling stupid already. They ask me if there are possibly any more tests that I need to convince me that I dont have cancer. And honastly I dont think there is, I have it stuck in my head and for some reason I am punishing myself with these stupid thoughts that I have stopped living. No test they give me will help becuase as soon as I google it again it will tell me about how many doctors missed cancer in people and so on, so then I will doubt it again. My latest doctor said that it is psycosimatic (I hope I spelled that right) and maybe my breast pain is, but I just want to feel good again and I want to be me again, I deserve to live as well and have a happy life before I am old and wonder why I didnt live when I could. I think I have to work on just not feeling my body everyday for lumps or not over analizing things and just be greatful I am alive, that I have a good family that my kids are healthy and try and trust that if my doctors say there is no cancer that I have to believe them and trust them. Its hard and I still feel the breast pain, but I have had sooooo many tests that they warned me that radiation causes cancer so I might be giving myself the very thing I fear most by trying to find something that isnt there. So I think I am going to wake up in the morning tomorrow and think of all the things in my life that I am greatful to have and not worry about the cancer that I dont have.

[katielou80]

hi all, and lisa im sending you a huge hug for you loss babe!! well this is my story... ive thought ive had all kinds of cancer for the last 10 years, every cancer imaginable, honestly, im only 31. i think about illness 24/7 and long to be normal again. i have a hubby who never gives illness a second thought, and i have 2 amazing kids, who think im a weirdo!! my daughters nearly 11 now, and shes picking up on things big time. she says she would like a normal mum too. thats bad isnt it? my hubby said how good his life would be if i didnt keep going on too, im always talking about my symptoms. even my workmates talk about me. and my mates. i dont want to be like this i say, i long to never give illness a second thought. i too thought i had breast cancer last year, drove my gp mad. he sent me for councelling, didnt work one bit! even my councellor thought i bonkers! i know for a fact. anyhooo....at the moment ive been dealing with ectop heart beats, im sure its to do with something im eating bread etc...... ive been to my gp 10 times in the last 17 months about them! hes listerned to my heart, says you may have them forever, chill!..........i cant believe him. now the last week i think i have ovarian cancer, my periods are usually like 40 day cycle, but i had period pain but no bleeding....... my mates are like...so?? youve just missed one chill!...defo not preggers! my periods have always been irregular, just think im starting to zoom in on it now, for some dumb reason! i read about ovarian cancer at least 15 times a day! even though only if you put in ovarian cancer missed period it associates it!! not a usual symptom! im mad!!..................im just worried that imagine if we all live until like 90 and we will look back and see how many years we have wasted worrying!!! im atleast 10 years already and im only 31! EVERY xmas for the last 7 years ive not enjoyed it as ive been thinking about a perticular illness! its nonsence!....i hate HA but unfortunately only OURSELFS can change this. much love xxxx

[whoamI]

Hi

This is the first time I have posted here but wanted to reply as I have exactly the same fear as you. First and foremost I am truly sorry for your loss.

In February I woke up with a very high fever, aches and pains and a red area on my breast. I was breastfeeding at the time so it was clearly mastitis. However, for some reason I decided to google and then convinced myself that instead I had inflamattory breast cancer.

I went to the GP and he gave me antibiotics and it cleared up. By then though I could not and still can not believe that I do not have IBC. I also keep having a pain in my breast and analyse my breasts all day, every day. Now I have convinced myself that one is getting bigger slowly and that I do indeed have IBC.

I am making myself sore from all the prodding and my arm, neck and shoulder is aching so now I am convinced it has spread everywhere. In reality it is probably because I am using my arm so much to prod about.

I paid £500 for a full health assessment and all was fine. My bloods are all completely normal and doctors have checked my breasts and said nothing is wrong. I am thinking that now I should have a full body scan.

Truly I do not know what to do anymore. I just want to feel better and be able to enjoy things.

Hope you manage to feel better soon.

[miss sparkle]

hi again.
how are you all today?
so nice to read other posts from similar people!
whoami i have had a similar experience recently and posted about it.
my foremost concern is breast cancer but i am also convinced i have other secondary cancerstoo as having alot of aches and pains.
it really is hell isn't it.
i am tempted to try and get some private tests, but i can't before it and wouldn't know where to start or how to go about it anyway x

---------- Post added at 08:31 ---------- Previous post was at 08:30 ----------

*afford not before!

[Rugrat]

Cancer is my terror too
All we really have to realise is we have health anxiety
in the last years i have thought i have had cancer just about
everywhere toe ear mouth bone bowl skin all i have to do is look
at my list of places i think i have had it to know its health anxiety
when health anxiety starts telling me i have cancer it's all so very real
sometimes i can fight it myself and it goes away
but sometimes i go to the doctors just to hear them say i am ok
if you are like me and can look back at a list of places you have thought
you have had cancer you must know its health anxiety

[whoamI]

Hi again

It is hell indeed Miss Sparkle. I am sorry that you have to go through this too. Everything just seems to hurt at one point or another. My neck, clavicle, shoulder and arm just have an ache in them almost constanly. It must be to do with the anxiety.

Honestly, the health screening put my mind at rest for all of 2 days and then i would say that I am now back to where I started so not worth it I guess in the long run. I also felt such an idiot telling them why I was there :ohmy:

I don't know what is going to help. I have been put on 100mg sertraline by my GP who is just lovely and understanding but I can't imagine that ti is going to get me out of this. Sometimes I wonder whether getting an actual illness would be better than living through this torture...

Hope you feel better soon..

[miss sparkle]

i think i would be like that whoami.
i recently had my breast lump checked via ultrasound, and still convinced i have breast cancer.
it all sounds ridiculous when i write it down! lol
i am convinced i have some sort of inner stomach cancer at the minute, as i have tummy and side pains , also arm leg and back!
i know what you mean, if someone found something wrong with me, of course i would be devastated, but i would feel at least i am not going crazy imagining something wrong all the time!
i was prescribed citraphram(spelling) but have been reluctant to take it, as i feel there is something wrong with me, and if i take it, its like admitting that its all anxiety !
i feel if i take that, the doctors will take me jess seriously than usual-
help!

[whoamI]

Hi again

I am also having tummy pain, leg pain and m now convinced I have lymphoma as I can feel my lymph nodes. Sigh, sigh,sigh....

So all in all over the past 2 months I have had liver cancer, bone cancer, cancer thar has spread everywhere, brain tumour, breast cancer, salivary gland tumour :shrug:, lymphoma and the breast cancer.

Have no idea how I'm still able to walk around with all those...

Just to make you laugh, last night I was awake as usual feeling so hot and sweating. Instantly I thought oh my god lymphoma night sweats. I kept getting hotter and hotter and then realised I had accidentally switched my electric blanket on :blush:

The only thing that relaxes me is unfortunately alcohol and I seriously don't want to go down that route....

Stupid, stupid anxiety.... Feel better soon....

[Argh!]

Ohh, me too. Cancer is my number one fear.

Like whoami, at one stage or another in the past year I've been convinced that I have lymphoma, bowel cancer, lung cancer, ovarian, cervical and/or breast cancer. Sometimes combinations due to metastases. Oh, and melanoma in several different places. And a brain tumour.

There are others, but I can't think of them right now because I'm worrying about my chest pain possibly being an aortic dissecting aneurysm. Or lung cancer.

Although I know exactly how you feel, all I can think of to say is something that sometimes helps me: none of the other thousand health issues I've worried about have come to pass, chances are this one is nothing too.

I hope you feel better :)