Just Need Someone To Talk To....

[iluvstaffies1]

Here I go again, obsessing with my tongue now. I'm sorry to keep venting off on here but I have no one to talk to and I am just in bits here. I can't eat or sleep and just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I can't stand this any longer.

Can't stop examining my tongue and have found something on one side of it now. Keep checking in the mirror CONSTANTLY and have been getting worse over the past week so I have Managed to make an appointment with the dentist tomorrow, which I am dreading.

To make things worse I have been Googling again and it would seem that oral cancer is hereditary. So that has just done it for me. My uncle had it so that means I am going to get it.

I have my first meeting with the CBT therapist tomorrow. Please God let this help me because if not I can't carry on like this.

[choliver]

This was one of the first things I obsessed about,it took over my life for a while.go to the docs and listen to what you are told.these people are highly trained they won't bs you.relaxation CDs will help they really will.find one thing to do that takes your mind off of your worry it will get better.

Good luck Choliver.

[iluvstaffies1]

Thanks for the rely Choliver. I have been to the doctors numerous times over the years. Been prescribed different anti depressants and they all make me worse. That bad I can't function.

I just need a way out. CBT is the last resort. I am scared to death of going to the dentist tomorrow. Scared what I will be told.

[choliver]

Dentist will tell you the truth,the problem we have is that we don't believe it until we move on to another obsession.then our previous obsession seems trivial and we can't believe we worried about it.the only way to get better is to break the cycle.maybe CBT will do the job.

[iluvstaffies1]

Did you manage to get through it Choliver? I know I need to break the cycle, I really do but I just can't seem to do it. I will try anything. Anything at all. I am so scared I don't know what to do. Can't stop shaking. Keep checking my tongue in the mirror and there is still something on it, nothing changes.

[iturner]

Hi do you need someone to call you and talk to you?? Would a calming voice help???

[iluvstaffies1]

I'm not on my own, am with my husband Iturner. But he just doesn't understand how I feel so I am upstairs in the bedroom on my own. Just thinking and obsessively checking.

Sounds daft doesn't it? Just checking all the time, in the mirror, with the torch, without the torch, in a different mirror, with two mirrors, in different light, different rooms......it goes on.

[iturner]

Well how about this "every time the urge to check in the mirror hits you" yell "STOP" out loud and if you can get a rubber band on your wrist and snap it everytime as well. This will interupt the thought and urge. Also, tell youself "I have been here before and have made it throught, I will make it AGAIN!" If you have to say these things out loud, that helps me more, because it distracts.

[iluvstaffies1]

Thank you I will try that. I just have this thought that if I dont keep checking I will miss something or if I do check it might look better and there will be nothing there. Neither of these things happen when I do check. I just feel worse.

[skygreen_leopard]

I did the same when i found a cyst on my testicle, lol. i checked with mirrors and i prodded and poked the boys so much that they got sore which made me check them more...and this went on until i had an ultrasound and found out it was nothing important.

Checking is fine, but i think you need to limit yourself to once a week or something, even if you did have cancer (which i highly doubt) it wont change by the day (let alone hour) and you've made an appointment with a dentist so you have done the best you can do.

I know its easy to say this when its not you (i am worrying about lots of things atm myself), but hang in there and wait for the dentist to tell you what it is instead of google or whatever because it will always tell you what you dont want to hear.

[iturner]

That is why you need to stop checking, since you have the appointment tomorrow, just tell yourself I will leave this till tomorrow when I see the doctor, there is nothing I can to right now to change what I see!and than yell "STOP" really loud :):D

[iluvstaffies1]

Thanks, I know I shouldn't Google. I Googled images of tongue cancer and that has just finished me off. I am just stupid.

I know where all this stems from. When my uncle first got it my mum would tell me every last detail about it, because she was obviously so worried and needed someone to talk to about it. I never even thought about me getting it back then or before that. One day it just seemed to hit me. What a selfish, horrible person I am. My uncle goes through all that, my mum turns to me for support and now all I can think about is myself!!!! How can I be so uncaring??? I hate myself.

[iturner]

how are you doing, any improvement. Try to tell yourself to stop looking in the mirror and when you feel the urge, yell STOP really loud!!!

---------- Post added at 19:41 ---------- Previous post was at 19:39 ----------

Please do not hate yourself, you are not doing this to hurt anyone or to be selfish, it's just a condition you, me, and everyone else on here shares. We are trying to deal with various forms of Panic. Don't be so hard on yourself, that is our biggest downfall!!

[iluvstaffies1]

Thanks again iturner. Feeling a bit calmer now. Havent checked for the past half an hour. It really helps the advice I get on here. I just keep reading through it.

[skygreen_leopard]

You're not uncaring, you're just human and have an anxiety disorder. When my dad got cancer all i thought was "will my dad die?, will i die?" etc etc. Its just irrational fear really. Beating yourself up will not help, its sort of half the problem :).

[iluvstaffies1]

Its just so hard isn't it? I am really hoping CBT helps me.

Hope you are ok Skygreen_leopard.

[iturner]

I am too, CBT helped me a bit but not as well as I expected. Go in to it with no expectations and just see what happens.

[iluvstaffies1]

Yes I will. hoping it helps and hope it helps you too. Will let you know.

Thanks again.

[iluvstaffies1]

Ok, so went for what i thought was the first session of CBT this morning but it was actually another assessment. So we went through EVERYTHING. I told the lady absolutely everything that is making me anxious and how I feel etc. So we are meeting again next week after she has discussed things with her manager and they have sorted out CBT sessions for me I think.

Went back to the dentist....again. Saw my new dentist today, which makes me even more nervous as I really liked my previous dentist. Told her that I had pain again due to me grinding my teeth at night (another result of my anxiety). So she said I need a night guard and would take a mould of my teeth today (expensive!!!). So I said my tongue had been sore and did it look ok? She looked at it and just said "oh yes there are a few white marks due to you grinding your teeth" and that was it.

I asked her again if my tongue was ok after she had finished taking the mould of my teeth and she just said " yes your soft tissues are fine".

She would have noticed if there was something on my tongue that wasn't right wouldn't she? I keep thinking that because I didn't have a proper check up as such that she may not have looked properly? But surely if there was something suspicious she would have seen it and done something about it? Refer me to hospital or something??

[skygreen_leopard]

I understand the feelings, but if a professional says theres nothing wrong its 99.9% probable that there is nothing wrong. If a dentist or doctor misses something serious they run the risk of getting sued big, they really dont want to take that risk.

Also have a constant white mark on my left side of my mouth from teeth grinding / clenching too. Good luck with the CBT, i have been waiting for about 6 months - 1 year for an assessment on the NHS. But it really is the only thing that will help you to help yourself - its like brain training for anxious people :).

[iluvstaffies1]

Thanks skygreen-leopard. I have been waiting over a year for these one to one sessions too. Went on a group session in January to see if that would help, which it did slightly but I wanted the one to one to focus more on what I am anxious about myself, rather than general anxiety for a group.

Will see how it goes anway. I will try anything and will work hard at it too.

Hope you get an appointment through soon.