Introduce myself

[Heather S]

Hi, My name's Heather and I'm a worrier!!!

It all started back in 1997 when I met my now ex boyfriend - to cut a long story short. He abused me on a regular basis for almost 2 years- I was strangled, beaten until I could not walk and eventually ended up in hospital. For the last 5 or so years I have had terrible thoughts about him - strangling/trying to kill me and members of my family. It makes me feel sick - why do I think these horrible thoughts. If I think them then I must want it to happen. I think about him chasing me or my family with a knife - this hurts me so much as I love my family and would never want anything horrible to happen to them.

I have been on anti-depressants for almost a year - they help a little but I feel that they are always at the back of my mind. I have also received CBT but this has now come to an end as it's on the NHS and I've had as many sessions as I'm allowed.

I feel like I'm so alone.

It would be great to hear from you.

Heather

[polly daydream]

Hi Heather and a very big welcome to the site. You are most certainly not alone sweety, you will make lots of lovely friends here. Feel free to chat at any time and I'm sure somebody will get back to you when they can. It sound's like you have had a dreadful time of it and having these thoughts is not at all surprising, but thoughts is all they are.

Best wishes,

Polly

[LucyR]

Hi Heather,
How awful to hear of you having such a nasty boyfriend, he clearly does not deserve anyone in his life and you are much better off without him. I do hope you can recover from all those emotional and physical scars he has caused you. My thoughts are with you.
Lucy.

[jackie]

hi heather

you are not alone

i hope we can make you feel at home

jackie

[giddy]

Welcome to the site Heather
Love Helen

[Karen]

Hi Heather

Welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered from your ex and it is totally understandable that you have had some difficulty coping after what you've been through.

The thoughts are totally understandable too and thinking about something does not mean you want it to happen. It is because you want to feel safe and you want your family to feel safe that you are scared of you or your family being hurt.

Due to rejection by my mum all my life I have a tendency to become very close to certain women who I see as mother figures. I've also suffered from obsessive thoughts and worries about one of these friends being hurt or killed and at one point I was so caught up in the obsessive thinking that I continually felt I needed to check that she was safe because if I didn't then my thoughts would cause her to be hurt. Of course, thoughts are harmless and can't cause harm to another person. It is what we do with the thoughts that is important.

Could you go back to your doctor and ask about some further therapy? It seems like you could use some further help with this. Hypnotherapy is particularly good for trauma related anxiety.

These posts could be helpful for you to read:

Scary thoughts:
obsessional negative thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3343)
what if I kill someone? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1972)
Horrible thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5280)
Morbid thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5482)
just needing some reassurance i'm not alone (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6532)
Feeling lonely (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6820)
What's happening to me? (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7446)

Freedom from thoughts:
Have you ever achieved freedom from your thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3184)

Thoughts:
Lets try to keep our thoughts in perspective (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=283)
Mind Games (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1789)
obsessive thoughts & anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3096)
Still suffering this damn "suggestive" thing.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4288)
How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5357)
Its happening again ! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6094)
Things to consider for success! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6165)
[Link removed as post deleted]
Thoughts (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7187)
image projection in my mind (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7358)

You will find a lot of support here.

Karen



Happiness is not a state to arrive at but a manner of travelling.

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough ~ Christine Cagney, Cagney & Lacey

[trac67]

Hi Heather,

Welcome to the forum, you will get a lot of good advice here and make some new friends.

Take care

Trac xx

'Live your life with arms wide open, today is where your book begins, the rest is still unwritten'

[Linny]

hi heather,
i am new too. i am sure you will find lots of support here. i have found everyone to be really helpful and kind since i came here.

welcome!

[nomorepanic]

Heather

Welcome aboard and sorry to hear what you went through.

Hope you get some support on here.

Nicola

[Daisybun]

Hi Heather and welcome. You'll find lots of help and support here.

Take care
Daisybun

'This too will pass'

[GinGanGhoul]

Hi Heather.

I'm new too. It took me some courage to post my little introduction on this site.

I tip my hat to you. You have just taken one mighty leap to recovery it seems to me by posting on here.

I cannot understand men like him but there really are some good guys out there.

If you havent already found one I'll keep my fingers crossed that you do soon.

Pete

[chucklehound]

Hi Heather and welcome to NMP:D

Take care

Chuckle

xxxx