What causes your anxiety?

[W.I.F.T.S.]

What do you think is the root cause of your anxiety/panic/depression?

I think with me I have a tendency to think lose-lose: I hate my job, but there are no other jobs out there, so I'm stuck.

I think I also have a lot of trouble relaxing, I'm normally very tense.

I haven't been proactive enough. I've been very lazy and always looked for someone else to look after me and sort my problems out. I haven't taken enough risks, I've always been very cautious. I haven't gone out there and met new people and done confidence-building things.

I've said 'no' too much. I've limited myself because of fear and watched other people doing stuff rather than doing it myself.

I've put far too much pressure on myself to get everything right and to be a super-achiever.

I've been too passive and let people take me for granted too much.

I've reacted hysterically rather than calmly and rationally to things.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[Kerry]

i read your post and you could have been describing me totally. i will say that i've found a really helpful (nhs) counsellor (lucky, yes) who has helped teach me a bit differently.
some of my reactions i would put down to me being not good enough, or 'ill' are normal reactions to an abnormal situation- it's normal to react.
he also helped my see that i tried to live by others standards that weren't suitable for me ie. i needed to be a bit more gentle and listen to myself and accept i can say no. and you know, it was really something to learn after years and years of feeling a failing. and even more a revelation when i managed to put it into practise.
yes i find it difficult to relax but he has taught me different methods, i thought there was only one way to relax-empty mind etc, which did not work for me-my mind cannot be empty as all sorts fills it!
i'm still definately a work in progress (see my post today-what a mess!)but he has helped. all you have listed below i would describe as symptoms of my problem-i do these things because i have problems-they are reactions-not the cause of them-if that makes sense. i have some idea of a traceable 'cause' for myself, and have been reassured that i am pretty boringly textbook normal in my reaction to that situation.

hope this makes sense! sorry to write such a lot but your post really jumped at me.
take care.

[Tetra]

You post discribes me exactly as well. Especially about the job part.

[W.I.F.T.S.]

To add to my original post:

I see many situations as lose-lose. I always thought I was a person of extremes: lazy and concientious, boring and yet interested in everything, sporty and yet inactive. In my working life I'd either be over-enthusiastic to the point of being weird or i'd be too casual (or rather I'd give the impression of not caring to appear relaxed). I'd be very frustrated with myself for not being able to strike the right balance.

With my voluntary work I decided from the start to approach it professionally (as if it was a job) and to commit myself to doing it. OK, I might come across as a bit over eager, but I'm getting the job done and building my confidence. If I can keep up the same work ethic and begin to relax, then I will have achieved my goal. It is possible to be conscientious and relaxed.

Another way in which my thinking is often faulty is that I make myself out to be a victim a lot. "My career never took off because the media is a clique and my face didn't fit", "My ex-girlfriend is to blame for my depression and anxiety", "My parents are to blame for me not having any confidence because they were too critical". I need to take responsibilty for my own actions. My career could have gone better if I'd been clear about what I wanted to do and if i'd committed myself to every job, rather than trying to appear nonchalant. Either way, it was a learning experience. Ok, my ex-girlfriend behaved badly towards me, but I chose to stay with her. My lose-lose thinking got me into this depression because I felt like I couldn't stay with her and I couldn't leave her either. Again, it was a great experience and I learned many things, but it just wasn't to be. I did used to blame my parents a lot, but they're good people, who are as imperfect as the rest of us. They did actually support me a lot. The way I feel is because of the way that I think about things. I have the power to change those thoughts.

I would love to be more open. I very often think that a certain situation isn't for me or that I'm in the wrong place. I think that some amount of that is to do with wanting to be like the 'popular kids' and do what they do. That is a hard one for me to break through. My aspirations (as a lot of people's are) are to have a trendy place to live with wooden floors, an exciting job and lots of money. It's hard for me to appreciate that I'm not part of the jetset, probably will never be part of the jetset and probably wouldn't like it even if I was part of the jetset. It is really hard for me to be me and to do the things that I want to do without wondering what impression I'll give out and what other people will think of me and whether I'm competing well enough with my peers. I guess that that comes from doing things and building up your confidence. At the moment I feel like I don't have much of an identity.

I read something about Eric Cantona recently and he said that he felt as if he was dead when he left manchester United and that he didn't want to be dead because he still had so much to do. I felt very much the same way about leaving London. I came home to Cheshire and I felt like my life was over. I felt like I'd been on the cusp of having everything that I'd ever wanted and that that was all gone and there was no way of ever getting it back.

I feel like this small town is an 'anchor' for me, a byword for no friends, no jobs, no excitement, but that I can't get out because I'm afraid of going very far from home. To be honest with you, the place where I'm living doesn't even feel like home. I don't feel relaxed and comfortable here.

Sorry, I'd started this post so well and now I'm being depressed again.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.