Dismissive doctors?

[candy_floss]

My doctor basically told me today that he is finding it very hard to take me seriously. There are only a few GP's at my surgery and I've been to everyone of them several times. It's starting to get embarrassing but every time I go I feel like I am getting dismissed so need to make another appointment for reassurance. In fact the majority of the time I go about a physical issue and they end up discussing my health anxiety as the problem.

I'm going through hell at the minute with my lymph nodes.
It started with a tiny one on my Mastoid bone. Then two more flared up behind the same ear. Then one behind my other ear. Several doctors have felt them and said they are reacting to scalp itching that I have but I struggle to believe them. So I had some blood tests done which came back normal and allowed myself to feel reassured for all of about 5 minutes but as soon as I got home, I made the mistake of googling 'can blood tests show lymphoma?'.:weep:. My doctor told me that if I was as riddled with cancer as I believe I am, then the blood test would show something, even if it was just that I'm slightly anaemic. He also pointed out that my last blood test was just after Christmas so any significant change between then and now would be noticeable.

Then I convinced myself that I had another node on my collarbone and had a full blown panic attack ending with a visit to NHS direct. The nurse there couldn't even feel the lump until I directed her to it. Then she decided it was probably a small lipoma. I wasn't convinced so I got an appointment with a loccum who again, struggled to find it and then told me it was just fatty tissue. I visited my regular doctor today and he agreed that it was just fatty tissue and that I needed to stop being obsessed with cancer. He told me that many people can feel their lymph nodes even when they aren't swollen, particularly thin people like me who hunt for them all the time.
But I just cant shake the feeling that they are missing something. I feel like I can feel tender lymph nodes everywhere - in my arms, legs, knee, neck, shoulders, chest, collarbone. I've even been reading stories on a lymphoma forum and they all talked about one slowly growing lymph node, not painful lymph nodes suddenly popping up all over their body like I've convinced myself mine are but still that didn't help. I know I sound like I'm going insane but I just cannot shake the feeling that they are missing something important! I drive myself crazy with ideas of lymphoma slowly spreading through all my lymph nodes.
Other than changing my doctors surgery I have no idea what to do now. How did you guys learn to trust your doctors? I never leave there feeling reassured even when I've been told I'm ok. I hate this feeling :weep:.

[blueangel]

OK, step away from the lymphoma forums NOW. I think that's probably the best piece of advice I can come up with immediately.

As far as health anxiety goes, I've been there, seen it, done it, got the t-shirt and eaten the bloody pie. I'm sure that your doctors end up talking to you about health anxiety because that's what they feel the problem is. However, they also need to help you deal with it, so I would suggest that the next time you go to your GP, you talk to them about how you can stop obsessing about lymphoma. It's not a quick job and you may well need some talk therapy to help you manage it, but it's a GP's job to refer you - it's in their own interests as well as yours!

Hope this helps

[candy_floss]

Thank you blueangel :).
Last night during my obsessive googling I found a 'dying with cancer' forum and read stories on that all night....I knew I was being ridiculous but couldn't stop it and it didn't help one bit of course. Things are really out of control now.
I have been referred for CBT but am reluctant to go. I've not been given any information about it apart from that it involves 'reading books'. I'm worried it'll teach me to dismiss all my symptoms in the same way that the doctors do :weep:.

I only trust the word of one of the doctors in my surgery and he is the head GP, which unfortunately means he's never available and always in demand.
Is it normal to feel like this about doctors?

[skygreen_leopard]

I went through a period of this myself, the problem is your symptoms are not probably related to what you think they are. You wont be happy until the doctor sends you to test for lymphoma because thats what you believe you have right now, the question is even if he did that would you trust the results of those tests?.

What i am saying is you have to deal with the mental problems first, if the physical ones persist then you can follow those up. If you carry on doubting what doctors say you are going to end up costing yourself a fortune spending money on various tests and scans, etc that you dont really need (again, been there done that).

THAT said, you need a good GP. One that understands mental health issues, if you cant talk to someone comfortably then i dont think they will really be able to help you. Thats just my 2p anyway.

edit: Read your previous post, we are a similar age. And i did actually have a swollen lymph node on my mastoid bone too that took about 4 months or something to go down (was due to shingles from stress). So we are peas in a pod :).

[candy_floss]

I went through a period of this myself, the problem is your symptoms are not probably related to what you think they are. You wont be happy until the doctor sends you to test for lymphoma because thats what you believe you have right now, the question is even if he did that would you trust the results of those tests?.

What i am saying is you have to deal with the mental problems first, if the physical ones persist then you can follow those up. If you carry on doubting what doctors say you are going to end up costing yourself a fortune spending money on various tests and scans, etc that you dont really need (again, been there done that).

THAT said, you need a good GP. One that understands mental health issues, if you cant talk to someone comfortably then i dont think they will really be able to help you. Thats just my 2p anyway.

edit: Read your previous post, we are a similar age. And i did actually have a swollen lymph node on my mastoid bone too that took about 4 months or something to go down (was due to shingles from stress). So we are peas in a pod :).

Thank you for your response, you speak a lot of sense :bighug1:.

I'm actually pretty good at believing results of tests. If I can see something is clear (eg: an ultrasound) then usually the symptoms I've been experiencing in that area stop because I stop obsessing over them. For example I've just been told I have Polycystic Ovary syndrome after a pelvic ultrasound to find the cause for my irregular bleeding. Now that I know what it is, I'm quite happy to push the bleeding to the back of my mind and move on.

The big problem for me is not believing the doctors without them having tests to prove that what they are telling me is true. They can say 'Im fine' over and over again but until I've seen test results that prove this, I convince myself that they have missed something. Considering I've had 2 blood tests in 4 months, a trip to the breast cancer clinic, a stool sample and an ultrasound done all within 2012, my doctors are naturally reluctant to send me for any more tests.
To be far, this issue comes from 3 months of misery and mis-diagnosis from an issue with the bone/joint in my armpit. I was sent away time and time again by doctors who didn't understand what was going on until the head GP finally stepped in and referred me to the breast cancer clinic. It was terrifying and I have no trust in any of the doctors but him anymore....:weep:.

I think I'm just terrified that one day I will really be ill and they won't believe it because of my HA. The way to stop this of course is to STOP visiting the doctors for a while but how can I when I feel the need to constantly seek out second opinions? Argh! It's a vicous circle....:weep:

I agree that I need a good GP but even those who have been most sympathetic with me are now losing their patience with me. I guess I don't blame them but at the same time, they have no idea how hard living with HA is.

[skygreen_leopard]

Like i said before, if you can do CBT or something and you still feel really bad then you can say to the doctor in future "look i know i have had anxiety problems, i've tried to deal with them but this isnt going away and its not in my head.". Every time i go to the doctor now i feel he's like "sigh, what is it this time?", but i have complied with medication and advice he's given so if things dont go away then they need further investigation and he cant really argue with it.

The best advice was given early on really, and its really tough because we have so much opportunity to do so nowadays with every bit of electronic equipment having wi-fi and an internet browser but dont google symptoms or read forums and whatnot about what your fears are. Everytime you look up stuff you will get more anxious, that will produce symptoms which you might misread and so on.

Also really avoid reading things like "GP missed by brain tumor" daily mail headline type stuff because it is purely 1:1000000 and is about as likely to happen as getting hit by a train, but it truly appeals to those with the hypochondriac mindset. :)

I had to use keyword blocking software on my PC to stop myself from researching stuff because it was driving me insane. Anyway, if you ever need support you can PM me or something as we're all in the same boat here so i fully understand.

[xtremx]

My doctor basically told me today that he is finding it very hard to take me seriously.


:mad: Same thing happened to me today. To me she will not talk to me anymore if i come in a i am showing signs of anxiety even if i do have physical symptoms.

So sounds like if i walk in with a cut to the arm that is lookin all gross she will ONLY see me if I am not suffering from anxiety at the same time:wacko:

[candy_floss]

:mad: Same thing happened to me today. To me she will not talk to me anymore if i come in a i am showing signs of anxiety even if i do have physical symptoms.

So sounds like if i walk in with a cut to the arm that is lookin all gross she will ONLY see me if I am not suffering from anxiety at the same time:wacko:

It's awful.
I feel like I've got this mark against my name now because of my Health Anxiety but that doesn't mean I'm always wrong about everything does it?
My doctor also said 'I don't want you to feel like you can't come to me anymore' but that's exactly how I do feel now :weep:. I feel stupid and still convinced there is something wrong with me. Yet every time I go about GENUINE conditions (IBS, abnormal bleeding and swollen lymph nodes) it always somehow ends up with a discussion about my anxiety. Yes I know I have it and I'm taking my medication and awaiting my CBT referral, what more can I do?!

skygreen_leopard - I like that approach.
When I finally start my CBT then hopefully I'll be able to say that I'm doing all I can about my anxiety so now it's time for them to take my symptoms seriously.
That keyboard blocking software seems like a good idea...so many words I'd need to block though :blush:.

[monika]

I think blueangel gave you perfect advice!
And CBT would be great...I think it could really help you...go for one session and see how things go.

As for swollen lymphs, they act as filters and become swollen when a pathogen of some sort is in the body. Something I find interesting is that when we are stressed, our immune system is weakened. Swollen lymphs are the firsts sign of any infection or bacteria in the body that the immune system is trying to fight. By getting stressed out over it, we're actually deterring the natural healing system of our body and possibly even making it more stressed out which could actually result in more swollen lymphs. Point is, swollen lymphs are common! I have permanently swollen ones from having mono...If every person were to do a self examination every day we'd all find a swollen one here or there, but you have to trust the doctor that you don't have cancer! You are on an anxiety board, therefore have some idea that yes, this is HA and probably not a real issue. You'll be okay, don't get annoyed with the doc and don't google or go on those forums!
xx

[Stormsky]

I think you need to get help with the obsessing...and less for symptons of cancer...
Ive been to the docs with serious issues, and had tests in the past, but we have to believe the results and also what the doc tells us...
I can see the doctors point of view here too..your overwhelming them with symptons of things you just dont have...
Telling yourself all the time you have cancer will cause all sorts of conflicts in your body... you can make yourself ill, make yourself feel symptons if you believe hard enough, and thats what you are doing...
Yes im being harsh, but your wasting your life with all this obsessing of cancer... so its the obsessing you need to get help with.... so you can start living again....

[candy_floss]

Stormsky, I can see my doctors pov too. I know us folks with HA are difficult folks to treat. It's just that like I said earlier, I am on Citolapram and I am awaiting a CBT refferral. I am doing the best I can at the minute during a time when my health has been the worst it's ever been. It's not easy.
I could understand if I was going to them saying 'oh I have this funny feeling in my stomach' or 'my chest hurts' etc because I did that when I was younger and they could see that nothing was wrong with me. But things like swollen lymph nodes are genuine, visible symptoms so I'm not imagining it all (just perhaps wrongly linking it to cancer...:blush:).
I will ring about my referral for CBT on Monday and try and see if it's possible to speed that a long a bit.

monika yes I have been told about the symptoms between stress and swollen lymph nodes before. It seems possible given the stress of the past few months.