Am I alone :-(

[Morag130]

My first anxiety attack was when I was 16 and I am now 22, I remember my first attack like it was yesterday.

I was a happy teenager no problems no worried an no stresses, smoker and casual drinkers........ But I gave up smoking due to anxiety.

I also get palpitations and I have never taken any medication. I've had test after test n everything is ok.

I learned how to deal with my anxiety an to manage palpitations.

But now in my 20's my anxiety has spiralled out of control, to the point I can't even leave the house without coming over strange. I had to leave me job, I can't even drive my car, and when I'm outside I don't feel as though I'm on the planet!!! My bf doesn't understand and my relationship is dying because I'm unable to leave the house without seconds later wanting to go home.

I've never been this bad, I used to get anxiety about 5 times a year and not from me being worried or scared, I would just be watching tele most of the time.

But what's wrong with me now, why can't I get it out my head. It's all I think about. Why me, am I going to die. Why do I feel like I'm not on the planet.

Its getting worse and worse. And I'm to scarred to take drugs or anti depressants.

If I have to leave the house I work my self up thinking sank will happen. I'm
Even scarred to be alone.

I need help.

On waiting lists for everything atm including pherapy.

But that's month, I wanna get back to my life. Get back to work. Be able to go out alone.

Why has this suddenly got so so worse.

I'm I alone?

---------- Post added at 21:11 ---------- Previous post was at 19:53 ----------

I can't even eat, shower or be a passenger in a car without feeling faint, checking my heart rate, constantly listening to my heart.

Even when I'm writting all this, I think to my self I would like a crazy person, it obviously all in my head, but as soon as I get a slight chest pain I think no it's not in my head I have got something wrong with me......

But then once I'm home in my room in my bed it all goes away! An I feel normal! Why only once I do anything physical do I panick.

I'm getting so fed up with this.

[Vanilla Sky]

Your not alone hun, You will find support here , Welcome to NMP :welcome:

[JoC93]

your not alone!
everything you describe iv been dealing with too. dont become the victim! fight it. you've got to remember your in control and you can do this. Start off small, prehaps going for a walk around where you live. You dont have to go far. take it one step at a time, literally! :)
try doing stuff you enjoy outside of the house. keeping active may take your mind off the worrying for a while.
with my boyfriend, i showed him different websites and sent him links that he read through to help him understand how i was feeling. Its so hard to try and explain to someone what your going through when your going through it. explain what you can and leave the rest to google ;) your the most important person. get yourself better first.
i wont take medications for it either, sends me into a huge panic. have you tried drinking different herbal teas? camomile tea is brilliant for me. it has calming effects. peppermint is supposed to be good at helping you relax too.
you can get through this like you have done before. Your clearly a very strong person, dont doubt yourself. xx

[Morag130]

Thanks for the responses didn't think any was gonna say anything.

I have a job interview tomorrow after leaving my last one for not feeling my self, problem is its a group interview, could last up to 3 hours. I really wanna go but already I'm anxious, worrying about all the people, if I panick and I'm alone.

But I no I need to get this out my head and get back to my life! I'm my own worst enemy, I know what I have to do but when it comes to doin it I just for some reason can't.

And I've never tried herbal tea, I have wanted to give it ago, I was thinking of getting a yoga DVD, or some calm music, except that's all well and good when I'm indoors it's just it's all leaves me when i leave the house.

Wow I need these pherapy sessions to hurry up n start! 4 month wait :-(

My bf is in the army, he stayed with me for two weeks n I made excuses not to leave the house all the time, we went out twice n both times I cut it short n come home. His gone back to work now just wish he was here, but I haven't really explain my condition properly to him, his a fit, thrill seeker and I'm an in fit wimp with anxiety issues :-(.

[honeyb]

You are certainly not alone, this is how i feel, i'm terrified of driving my car and being alone, just in case something happens to me. I can also feel the anxiety building when i have to leave the house too. You are not crazy, i won't take medication because the fear of side effects too. This site is a real help for me and i'm sure you will find it a great helpt too.

[JoC93]

There will always be someone who will post something on this forum haha
Try not think negativly about the interview. replace the fear of panicing with the thourght you may not panic. So many people suffer with anxiety, you may not be the only one whos struggling there. Try to remain calm and focus on the interview itself. Think of everything positive that can come out of it such as a new job, new friends etc.
I was thinking of trying out yoga too, its supposed to be really calming! My aunt struggles with anxiety and stress and she finds it really works with her. Meditation is supposed to be really good too, and breathing exersises. Breathing exersises would be a good idea for when its time to leave the house. Its something you can do outside of your home without it being too noticable.
I have a mug type flask thing, dont really know how to describe it hah! but it has a lid, so when i go out in the car i fill it up with herbal tea and then i can drink it while im out.
my boyfriends training to be in the army! hes very active too :( it really frustrates me. i constantly compare myself to him and can end up getting down. I just try to accept that were both different people what he may good at i may be completely rubbish at but im sure theres things that i can do that he cant! your boyfriend will love you for who you are :) its important that he knows whats going. Hes a big part in your life, and so is the anxiety at the moment. For him to be able to support you he needs to be able to understand. It must be alot harder as hes away :( im dreading when mine goes. I think your such a strong person for everything your dealing with:) xx

[Morag130]

Thanks for all your responses :-)

HoneyB I quoted and responded to you on another post about driving! X

Well I've woken up feeling positive, I'm all ready for my interview, can feel my chest going cold tho hope I dont cave :-(

I want to start yoga but it's the fact I'm not even flexible, can't even touch my toes. And nobody I know wants to go and I don't wanna go alone, gonna try get a DVD.

I seriously felt alone before I found this forum, my friends come round last night and I fully explained my situation there gonns try and help me, slowly get me around people again.

Has any had pherapy, I'm waiting for an appoinment for my physiatrics, but what's the difference? X

Hope everyone is ok today x

---------- Post added at 13:09 ---------- Previous post was at 11:50 ----------

I couldn't do it guys :-(

I got there took me 15 mins just to get through the door, then walked into the interview area where like 60 people where say down felt like my heart was seizing up and had to leave.

I can't take this much more x

[Little elfin]

I think that it's fab that you got to the interview, be proud of yourself for that, it doesn't matter that you left. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I know exactly how you feel, it's such a rollercoaster of emotions. I started yoga last year, no one would go with me either. I went to the class alone, and was freaking out, but I did it and now go everyweek. I really recommend it.

Do you mean what's the different between a therapist and psychiatrist?

Big hugs to you
xxx

[Morag130]

I know it's all I'm my head cause as soon as I walk back into my house I feel better.

Thanks for your response, I'm glad I made it there and the attach was a lot calmer then usual. Just wish I done it, but the group interview was to much to many poeple.

Yeah your right therapist and physiatrics or however you spell it :-)

I seriously hope I'm able to one day say to someone else "I've been through this" and give my advise x

[JoC93]

dont get down about your interview, atleast you tried! i would have freaked out too. well done for going :) thats a big achievement.
i have rheumatoid arthritis, im only 18 :( so as you can imagine im not incredibly flexible haha. im just gonna do it to try and build up my flexabilty and see if i can relax while doing it. i bourght a dvd today of ebay for a few pounds, il see how that goes! so cheap though.
your very lucky to have the friends you do.
keep strong x

[Morag130]

Your gonna have to let me know how the DVD is (any yoga DVD recommendation)

I feel so bad, I read all peoples anxiety issues wishing I could just shake them all and pull your self together, but I can't when I'm at rock bottom.

I feel like I'm slowly progressing tho.

Thanks you all so much for your responses. Hope everyone finds there calm and manages there anxiety. X