Anxiety and Dark Thoughts

[Gman28]

Hello everyone,

It's my first time on here, I'm a 28 year old construction worker and I've had anxiety and depression for 11 months now. I won't bore you with the details but my anxiety/depression is very up and down, two weeks feeling awful, one week feeling good, two weeks feeling awful etc etc.... I have had this intense fear in the past that my depression would drive me to suicide, but lately my thoughts and feelings are so dark. Life seems like a constant struggle, unbearable at times, meaningless, pointless, emotionless. I constantly questioning my excistince and what I mean to the world, universe etc..(I know..crazy right?) but these thoughts and feeling are leaving me hopelessly depressed. Every time I try to enjoy myself a barrier pops up in my and says "what's the point, what does it mean in the end?". Bloody depressing I know, I'm currently on citalopram 20mg but I'm going to my GP tommorow for either a change in medication or a dosage increase. I also attend therapy every Wednesday, I guess I'm just writing this on the hope that I'm not the only one to think like that and that eventually it will pass. Thanks for any replies guys.

[Ingenious]

Welcome to the forum Gman28. You're certainly not alone with this, so many others here are fighting dark days and I remember periods like that very well from my own past. Depression does grip you like this I'm afraid, and can leave you thinking everything is pointless. It's hard to see it from where you are now, but your life is NOT pointless it is only the depression making you feel this way. You must please however tell your GP what you have said above, they need to know you are feeling this low so they can look at a dose change, or a medication change.

Look also at what you said above about having a week here and there feeling good - this is a sign of hope and shows you are a fighter. With the right medication and help those weeks will become more frequent. You have the support of this forum now to help support you and talk to you, people who have been there and understand. Things will improve :)

[Gman28]

Thanks for the reply ingenious that means a lot, I have already expressed my concerns to my GP hence the reason I'm going back tommorow for a possible dosage increase. Sometimes I get moments of clarity during the day where I can see my depression for what it is! I know these thoughts and feelings are just my depression bumping its gums. I certainly haven't made any plans to do anything to hurt myself and hopefully I will never get to that stage. Thanks for the support guys.

[snowgoose]

Hi Gman :)

Ingenious said it for us ........you are not alone here with those dark relentless thoughts sometimes .
Good you are seeing your doctor ...........tell him/her as it is . we all put a face on for the world dont we ? although crumbling inside .
Life will get better I promise you . YES PROMISE .
You are vulnerable at the moment so nasty stuff creeps in our minds at 3am or random times .
It is not the real you .just an illness that can be treated .
hang on and talk to us here ...chat room or post .
snow :hugs:

[Lindy]

Hello there, ex-depression sufferer here. I feel for you and will never forget the long days and even longer nights when everything felt so hopeless. Just wanted to say well done for signing up to a support group, that's pretty gutsy, and that's the sort of attitude that will help, plus you'll definitely get plenty of support here. Depression is a horrible illness, but you definitely CAN recover from it. Good luck...and stick around. You'll definitely find you are not the only one feeling this way. :)

[Gman28]

Wow, I'm really touched by your welcome guys, I'm looking forward to posting on here, I already feel a bit better since reading your replies (snowgoose and Lundy). Being a bloke and working in construction (feelings aren't normally talked about on building sites) it's been tough, really tough. But I'm a lot more open about my situation, after all I haven't commited a crime I'm just not to well at the moment. Again thanks for the support everyone.

---------- Post added at 22:10 ---------- Previous post was at 22:08 ----------

Sorry Lindy, not Lundy. Bloody iPhone predictive text.

[theharvestmouse]

Gman you are not alone, I've been on the same road as you, been up and down for a long time, I'm still going through it, sometimes I think like you that it all seems a pointless struggle but I know that its the anxiety that causes me to think like that.

[Stormsky]

Hi
Ive been there, life just doom and gloom, i used to look out the window and see nothing but darkness, nothing to look forward to, no motivation for anything ....
Its good your are seeking help, and you will get through this....
Exercise is great for depression too....x

[Gman28]

Thanks for the replies guys! My doctor has increased my dose to 40mg even though he seemed a bit reluctant to. Here's hoping it pulls me round, even though I do feel a bit better today.

[snowgoose]

Hi again :)
Glad to see you posting again and you have seen the doc.
It seems we need so much patience to get results ..but it is worth it . So be gentle with yourself while adjusting dose .
it is worth it and you will get better with help from GP.
Has he /she suggested talking therapy ?

You are so not alone ...........this forum has all ages ..and both sexes ...........all sort of workers . my husband is engineering based and knows exactly how you feel re feeling at odds with the macho work place when feeling so damn bad .

if you need to tell it like it is ...you will be surprised at the empathy probably . hang on.......take care of yourself for now .
snow x

[Gman28]

Hi snow, I currently go to therapy every Wednesday and it does help, going to keep going until I run out of things to say. Sometimes it's seems I'm close to overcoming my depression and other days it feels a million miles away. I guess where all on a journey and sometimes that journey gets a bit rough, but it will get easier, I'm sure of it.

[little wren]

Hi Gman

Sometimes I can go for a week(s) and think I am fine and then I feel low for a
week(s). I don't know why this happens...The only thing I can think of is it usually happens when I feel nothing is progressing well.

That you can have 'good' days is a great start. They will give you some relief from the down feelings and hope that you can start to have more good days and less down ones. There are plenty of people who understand.

Take care
little wren x