View Full Version : Too old for a baby

18-04-12, 02:59
I turned 41 in January. I am currently 11weeks pregnant.

It has a been an emotional road getting here and now my anxiety has taken control .

We tried for a year to conceive and were referred to a Fertility Clinic for IVF treatment. We went to the consultations and lectures on the pros and cons

After digesting all the info given at the lectures/consultations we decided not to proceed with treatment because the complications associated with my age were way to scary.

My man left on a scheduled business assignment -he is gone for 2-3 months depending on the work accomplished. So I've been trying to cope while he is on the other side of the world in Australia-he left Feb 29th and I got the call from my GP on March 7th.

Then we find out I am pregnant.

So now I am so scared I can barely function.

I keep having bad dreams and thoughts about all those things discussed at the IVF lectures and I can't stop crying.

My man has been away and I think has been contributing to my anxiety. He won't be back until sometime between May 7th and 14th assuming everything goes well at his work.

I had an appt yesterday with my GP who suggested I get rid of my cat because she is full of germs dangerous to pregnancy.
She said that since I am high risk (age related-I have no other physical health issues) I should get rid of my kitty.

I burst into tears as there is no possible way I could get rid of my kitty she has helped me through the worst times of my life and I love her way too much to send her away.

I also have to go for a ton of tests with various dr.s to make sure everything is proceeding in a healthy manner.
I have such a hard time with dr.s and tests and waiting for results-it is awful !

I am sorry for this long and probably incoherent post-it's just I have no one else to talk to and I tought it might help to vent.

Thank you

macc noodle
18-04-12, 03:39
Hi Bluebelle

Ok, first of all congratulations on your fabulous news!

I am sorry that you are anxious about the pregnancy, but trust me all will be fine. I suffer health anxiety and panic attacks and abject fear of hospitals etc but have managed to have two healthy children and lived to tell the tale. I had my first aged 34 and second aged 40.

Yes, I hated all the blood tests etc but in the end you get used to them.

I did not opt into the amniocentesis test for Downs Syndrome as the risk to my unborn babies was too great and I would not have aborted anyway.

Apart from that test, my pregnancies proceeded as they would of had I been 10 years younger!

With regard to your cat - millions of women have cats and don't get rid of them during pregnancy!!!! You just need to be cautious when dealing with changing litter trays - always use disposable gloves. And wash your hands after petting your cat.

Try and relax and view this as a miracle and an achievement - which indeed it is - is there a support group near to you for expectant mothers you could join?

Honey, all will be well and remember it is your hormones playing havoc with your anxiety and this may well recede as you enter the second trimester.

Macc Noodle

19-04-12, 00:26
Macc Noodle,

Thank for reading and taking time to reply to my post !!

It has had an immediate positive impact on my anxiety levels- I feel better about everything largely because of your post.

I will ask my GP about a support group-preferably one on-line , because. Having you share your experiences with me has really soothed my emotions.

Congratulations to you for having two children-you are very strong to have overcome your issues with hospitals and tests .

Thank you again for your kindness , insight and especially taking the time to reply and share your experiences.

You have really made a difference in my life !


19-04-12, 07:44

Dont get rid of your cat!!!

When i was pregnant with my first i used to stay with my mum all the time who has 2 cats...they would sit on my lap, sleep at the end of the bed...

Just dont handle litter tray....


little wren
19-04-12, 09:51
Hi bluebelle

Congratulations. I just wanted to add have you been on the website mothersover40.com which may balance out some of the negative information you were given.

Can your kitty stay with a friend until hubby comes home in a few weeks Kind of like a little holiday for her. Or maybe someone can help with the litter tray?

little wren x

19-04-12, 15:21
Hello Bluebelle,
Just to say congratulations, and also this might help you a little bit---my Mum had me at the age of 45. My daughter had 4 goes at ivf and was succsessfull on 4th attempt, she was a little younger than you 37 I think, she was worried all through her pregnancy,all was ok.Hope all goes well and I wish you all the very best

27-04-12, 03:58
Thank you to everyone who replied to my post. I really appreciate all your kind words and thoughts.

I went for my 12week ultrasound and no heartbeat was detected, and althought the growth of the baby indicated a 12 week size-the was no heartbeat.

Because I was so far along I required a D and C to remove the baby, which was scheduled for the very next day.

I have just returned home from the procedure and I am feeling shell shocked-in 24 hours I went from being excited to hear the baby' heartbeat to having the baby surgically removed from me.

I feel very traumatized-I keep telling myself that Mother Nature has a way of resolving itself and this way the baby didn't suffer.

I think I am in shock. I just can't function .

27-04-12, 08:06
Hi Bluebelle

I am so sorry to hear what you have been throught I went through something quite similar to you and its horrible and does leave you feeling numb and a almost lost feeling if that makes sense, It is hard but things will get easier I went to talk to a lady at my local hospital who helps in these so sad times and it helped a lot, Just wanted to say I am so sorry and look after yourself if i can help anymore i will, Take care toria xx

27-04-12, 10:12
So sorry to hear what has happened Bluebelle. I'm sending you hugs although they may not be of any comfort to you.:hugs::hugs::hugs:xx