Argh!
18-04-12, 22:45
This site is amazing. Reading the blurb about Health Anxiety, my god that's ME.
Over the years I have been absolutely convinced I had a million different maladies. I'll have some symptom that will trigger a massive wave of fear and googling. While googling, I'll generally find something horrible that fits with my symptoms perfectly. This leads to sleepless nights, trips to the doctors sick with dread, and alternating between making my partner promise that I don't have cancer (WTF?) and promising she'll stay with me until the end if I find out I'm dying.
Just typing that makes me cringe because I know how stupid it sounds and yet at the time it's so crucially important.
Recent symptoms vs actuals:
Symptom: ~5 lymph nodes up on various parts of my body.
Deduction: Lymphoma, definitely
Actual: Nothing, 2 haematologists have confirmed that it's completely benign
Symptom: Mole on ear
Deduction: Melanoma
Actual: NOT a melanoma
Symptom: Back pain
Deduction: Lung cancer, due to metastasis from bowel/ovarian/cervical/skin/other cancer.
Actual: Nothing. Just back pain, probably from slouching at my desk at work
Symptom: Sore foot and leg after a plane flight
Deduction: DVT
Actual: Nothing. Probably a cramp from sitting so long
Symptom: Small lump on nose
Deduction: Basal cell carcinoma
Actual: Blocked sebaceous gland
Symptom: Confusion and tiredness
Deduction: Brain tumour
Actual: Low iron
This week it's chest pain. Now we are talking bad chest pain that came on relatively suddenly. I googled it (naturally) and jesus christ! this must be an aortic dissecting aneurysm.
I got myself so worried about it today that I could barely think of anything else. Then I started to feel dizzy. Pain seemed to get worse and next minute, I'm waiting for an ambulance with my anxious workmates around me.
At the hospital a chest xray, ECG, and bloods all came back clear. Now I've been sent home with a packet of paracetamol, and a suggestion that it could be a) esophageal spasm, b) reflux, c) costochondritis, d) some other fourth thing.
I'm leaning towards d) because google tells me my symptoms don't quite fit the first three.
A little part of me's wondering if the dizziness was because I got myself so bloody freaked about it. Another part of me still worries that it's a dissecting aneurysm. Usual story, perhaps the doctors missed something? A normal ECG doesn't mean no aneurysm. A negative d-dimer test doesn't mean no aneurysm. A clear chest x-ray doesn't mean no aneurysm.
I've also been worrying a bit about breast cancer or something similar.
If this is another false alarm, I'll have hit a new low. Thinking back on the ambulance today, and having to go back to work to say "no they said everything is fine, but I might have reflux"... Argh. I almost wish the docs HAD found something so I could feel like the fuss was justified.
Sigh. My chest hurts.
Over the years I have been absolutely convinced I had a million different maladies. I'll have some symptom that will trigger a massive wave of fear and googling. While googling, I'll generally find something horrible that fits with my symptoms perfectly. This leads to sleepless nights, trips to the doctors sick with dread, and alternating between making my partner promise that I don't have cancer (WTF?) and promising she'll stay with me until the end if I find out I'm dying.
Just typing that makes me cringe because I know how stupid it sounds and yet at the time it's so crucially important.
Recent symptoms vs actuals:
Symptom: ~5 lymph nodes up on various parts of my body.
Deduction: Lymphoma, definitely
Actual: Nothing, 2 haematologists have confirmed that it's completely benign
Symptom: Mole on ear
Deduction: Melanoma
Actual: NOT a melanoma
Symptom: Back pain
Deduction: Lung cancer, due to metastasis from bowel/ovarian/cervical/skin/other cancer.
Actual: Nothing. Just back pain, probably from slouching at my desk at work
Symptom: Sore foot and leg after a plane flight
Deduction: DVT
Actual: Nothing. Probably a cramp from sitting so long
Symptom: Small lump on nose
Deduction: Basal cell carcinoma
Actual: Blocked sebaceous gland
Symptom: Confusion and tiredness
Deduction: Brain tumour
Actual: Low iron
This week it's chest pain. Now we are talking bad chest pain that came on relatively suddenly. I googled it (naturally) and jesus christ! this must be an aortic dissecting aneurysm.
I got myself so worried about it today that I could barely think of anything else. Then I started to feel dizzy. Pain seemed to get worse and next minute, I'm waiting for an ambulance with my anxious workmates around me.
At the hospital a chest xray, ECG, and bloods all came back clear. Now I've been sent home with a packet of paracetamol, and a suggestion that it could be a) esophageal spasm, b) reflux, c) costochondritis, d) some other fourth thing.
I'm leaning towards d) because google tells me my symptoms don't quite fit the first three.
A little part of me's wondering if the dizziness was because I got myself so bloody freaked about it. Another part of me still worries that it's a dissecting aneurysm. Usual story, perhaps the doctors missed something? A normal ECG doesn't mean no aneurysm. A negative d-dimer test doesn't mean no aneurysm. A clear chest x-ray doesn't mean no aneurysm.
I've also been worrying a bit about breast cancer or something similar.
If this is another false alarm, I'll have hit a new low. Thinking back on the ambulance today, and having to go back to work to say "no they said everything is fine, but I might have reflux"... Argh. I almost wish the docs HAD found something so I could feel like the fuss was justified.
Sigh. My chest hurts.