Advice Needed - Anxiety in Relationships

[Littlemadam]

Hi everyone,

I hope you all had a good weekend and are coping as best you can.

I have not done this before (well in the relationship I am currently in) but I am now at the stage of worrying about my worrying.

I have the most amazing, understanding, patient boyfriend in the whole world, he can read me like a book which doesn't help, and this weekend reassured me so much (in which I felt so bad). I was basically a moody wreck, getting irritable, and then after that anxious that he was going to leave me, the twice he really asked me I broke down in tears. He had such a stressful Friday I just wanted to give him the best weekend ever, and in the end he had to "look after me".

He told me that I am worrying unnesccesarily, but I know I need to stop or I will push him away.

Has anyone got any experience of moving forward from this? I was thinking of writing him an email, but have no real idea what's going to help him. He suffers very mild anxiety too, so any guys on here your input is much appreciated too.

The good points of the weekend were good, but the bad were bad. He is just such a good thing in my life I dont want to lose it xxx

Thank you and hugs in advance x

[Jamesk]

Hi everyone,

I hope you all had a good weekend and are coping as best you can.

I have not done this before (well in the relationship I am currently in) but I am now at the stage of worrying about my worrying.

I have the most amazing, understanding, patient boyfriend in the whole world, he can read me like a book which doesn't help, and this weekend reassured me so much (in which I felt so bad). I was basically a moody wreck, getting irritable, and then after that anxious that he was going to leave me, the twice he really asked me I broke down in tears. He had such a stressful Friday I just wanted to give him the best weekend ever, and in the end he had to "look after me".

He told me that I am worrying unnesccesarily, but I know I need to stop or I will push him away.

Has anyone got any experience of moving forward from this? I was thinking of writing him an email, but have no real idea what's going to help him. He suffers very mild anxiety too, so any guys on here your input is much appreciated too.

The good points of the weekend were good, but the bad were bad. He is just such a good thing in my life I dont want to lose it xxx

Thank you and hugs in advance x

If you pretty much reproduced the contents of your post in an email to him I cannot imagine that he would find it anything other than positive, in terms of giving him an appreciation of how much you value him and understand what a positive thing he is for you.

[C10]

I agree with Jamesk. Just tell him how you felt about the weekend. Chances are he will have his own worries about how it went and talking about it will put his mind at ease. I'm in a similar position and have found that talking has helped us both.

[Littlemadam]

Thanks for your responses, we do really talk which is good (but I just feel bad laying it onto him and he knows that).

I will send him something I think tomorrow or Wednesday as don't want to keep bombarding him. And say how much I appreciate his patience and him wanting to help me, and how much I love him.

I think I should mention things that I am going to do to help myself and prevent it going downhill from here.

Just have no idea what GRRRRRR xxx

[C10]

I know from my experience that my wife found it very important that I not only told her about how gratefull I was for her love and support, but also that I recognised my issues and that I wanted to try and be proactive about dealing with them. Even if you don't know what to do, the intent will be reassuring.

[Littlemadam]

Hiya,

Thanks guys, I have mailed him explaining how grateful I am for his amazingness, and ways I am going to move things forward which are ....


1) Each weekend night I will have 5 minutes to write down the positives in my little positive book. So I can see there is nothing to be silly about

2) I will tell you if I have a little pang, and wont need to discuss it, but airing it will reduce it's power.

3) If I look anxious but there are no other signs, and I haven't said anything then please don't worry and there is no need to say anything. I think what will work, is if I am a bit anxious, ignoring the minor ones I haven't said anything about means they will just disappear.

4) TELL ME IF I AM BEING MOODY ha ha :-D Simple enough :-P

---------------------------------------------------------

I think these things will work until the tablets help to kick in, and the positive book thing is something from my CBT but I havent been doing it when he is there.

Hope that seems ok xxxx

[C10]

Seems like a great plan and I'm sure he will appreciate your email. I like the idea of the positive book, maybe I'll give that a go.... Hope it all works out for you

[Littlemadam]

Aww thanks C10 xxx

Yeah, my CBT lady literally said every time someone says something or does something positive to you then note it down. I bought a little hard back book and intend on filling it up and being able to see all the good things in my life as she has found I lack self esteem.

So not sure if you are the same, but definitely try it xxxx

[Firehead]

I would echo C10's comment.

Now that I talk to my wife about my feelings re anxiety, I feel better and she feels pleased that she is helping me.

I always though that a "trouble shared" was "a trouble doubled" ... Now I'm not so cynical!