mad_shell66
23-04-12, 21:59
hiya, ive been registered on the site since 2006 but havent used it since then.
my name is shell and im 24. i have a 1 year old daughter and currently live with my partner, although things are really bad at home.
i moved 145 miles away from my family and friends to move to live with my partner. found a new job and everything was wonderful.
we have a baby april last year and things were fine for the first couple of months... then things changed.
gradually things have got so bad im now suffering from anxiety and panic attacks.
ive been feeling like this on and off now for a few months but for the last month ive been on an all time low, so eventually plucked up the courage to see my doctor today, who has prescribed beta blockers.
i am constantly struggling to take a deep breath, im having hot sweats, my heart is racing, and my mouth and throat really dry. my mind is racing constantly.
last week me, my partner, our daughter and my friend went on holiday, which turned out to be a nightmare. my partner was so nasty with me whilst we were away. shouting at me, and been a general bully. saying nasty things to me. all which he is convinced is my fault, which i know deep down it's not. i know deep down i need to leave, and move back by my family as i have no support where i am living at the moment, and i know things wont improve with my partner, just get worse.
but i love him. i dont like him, but i love him. and i feel weak. i dont want to be on my own forever. i feel so unloved. he never pays me any compliments. we rarely have sex. once in a blue moon. my partner much prefers to masturbate to porn, which is tearing me apart. i feel im not good enough otherwise he wouldnt feel the need to get his kicks from other women.
i've now come to the stage where im constantly checking the history on the laptop to see if he's been looking at it and sure enough, at every given opportunity he's been on it. no interest in an early night with me, doesnt cuddle or kiss me, and just makes excuses when i try to cuddle him.
i know it probably sound so silly but it's tearing me apart. i have no confidence whatsoever.
thanks for reading and any advice would be greatly appreciated x
my name is shell and im 24. i have a 1 year old daughter and currently live with my partner, although things are really bad at home.
i moved 145 miles away from my family and friends to move to live with my partner. found a new job and everything was wonderful.
we have a baby april last year and things were fine for the first couple of months... then things changed.
gradually things have got so bad im now suffering from anxiety and panic attacks.
ive been feeling like this on and off now for a few months but for the last month ive been on an all time low, so eventually plucked up the courage to see my doctor today, who has prescribed beta blockers.
i am constantly struggling to take a deep breath, im having hot sweats, my heart is racing, and my mouth and throat really dry. my mind is racing constantly.
last week me, my partner, our daughter and my friend went on holiday, which turned out to be a nightmare. my partner was so nasty with me whilst we were away. shouting at me, and been a general bully. saying nasty things to me. all which he is convinced is my fault, which i know deep down it's not. i know deep down i need to leave, and move back by my family as i have no support where i am living at the moment, and i know things wont improve with my partner, just get worse.
but i love him. i dont like him, but i love him. and i feel weak. i dont want to be on my own forever. i feel so unloved. he never pays me any compliments. we rarely have sex. once in a blue moon. my partner much prefers to masturbate to porn, which is tearing me apart. i feel im not good enough otherwise he wouldnt feel the need to get his kicks from other women.
i've now come to the stage where im constantly checking the history on the laptop to see if he's been looking at it and sure enough, at every given opportunity he's been on it. no interest in an early night with me, doesnt cuddle or kiss me, and just makes excuses when i try to cuddle him.
i know it probably sound so silly but it's tearing me apart. i have no confidence whatsoever.
thanks for reading and any advice would be greatly appreciated x