Fed up with life

[theharvestmouse]

The anxiety is grinding me down again and I'm becoming so tired of it and the depressive feelings that I am thinking suicidal thoughts again. I was relatively stable for a while but nothing has really changed. I'm just unhappy and low and despite efforts to try to keep going I am fed up of feeling like this again.

I can't take much more of this, sorry for this post, there's nothing anyone can say to me.

[buffybot]

Hi

I know how you feel I have a bad episode in november and then I was ok and then for no reason I am back to square one! we are in the same boat but try and not lose hope easy said than done I know when the light at the end of the tunnel is far away!
Yesterday I was thinking that life at the moment is like being in a cave with no exit and the rock around is hundereds of feet thick and you only have your hands to remove the rock to get out! added to that you are in pitch black alone : ( but the impossible can be possible even in that dire situation.
If you are in total dispair you can go to A and E if the choice is suicide or A and E go to the hospital instead there could be hope there you never thought possible. Anyway I pray we are both feeling a lot better by the weekend and good luck.

[Lilac58]

harvestmouse,
so sorry you are feeling this way at the moment. I know that nothing anyone says makes a difference, just wanted to say that I understand, I feel the same, tired of feeling this way and think a lot about suicide. My GP says don't think about it, and I'll start to feel better soon. That is so helpful!

It's so horrible to feel this way and very hard to share with those who've never felt like that.

Thinking of you.

[Mark_P]

There's a reason to live, first of all! I came back from Africa 2 months ago and it was a serious culture shock. I knew before I went that Africa is full of poverty, but I never realised just how much. I went into the villages while I was there, the people have no electric, no running water, lack of food, malaria from mosquitoes and sometimes are too poor to afford a £2-£3 vaccine to save them, and they have to go outside to wash from the wells. Imagine living like that? They don't have the luxury of jumping on a laptop when they want, they don't have running water, they don't have electric, and if they do have electric there are power cuts for hours on end during the day/night. I know they don't know any different, but they still get down when they can't afford to live to feed their families/themselves. But guess what? They still go around with a smile on their faces, because that's all they can do. We are very lucky to live in a country that has a stable infrastructure and economy. Okay, so things are going up in price, but we can still shop at less known stores for our food (aldi, lidl etc). I am still learning myself to become happy and content with myself, as my anxiety kills me some days, but at the end of the day we have to walk with a smile on our face and realise we are very, very fortunate to not live in such poverty as they do in Africa.

Maybe I can't say anything to make you feel better, but all I can do is help you to rationalise your ideas. Be fortunate we have decent health care, as many millions/billions or people around the world have no sufficient health care and are dealing with life threatening diseases that can be prevented for the price of a can of coke. You have to put life in perspective and realise we aren't that bad after all.

[AngelHeart]

There's a reason to live, first of all! I came back from Africa 2 months ago and it was a serious culture shock. I knew before I went that Africa is full of poverty, but I never realised just how much. I went into the villages while I was there, the people have no electric, no running water, lack of food, malaria from mosquitoes and sometimes are too poor to afford a £2-£3 vaccine to save them, and they have to go outside to wash from the wells. Imagine living like that? They don't have the luxury of jumping on a laptop when they want, they don't have running water, they don't have electric, and if they do have electric there are power cuts for hours on end during the day/night. I know they don't know any different, but they still get down when they can't afford to live to feed their families/themselves. But guess what? They still go around with a smile on their faces, because that's all they can do. We are very lucky to live in a country that has a stable infrastructure and economy. Okay, so things are going up in price, but we can still shop at less known stores for our food (aldi, lidl etc). I am still learning myself to become happy and content with myself, as my anxiety kills me some days, but at the end of the day we have to walk with a smile on our face and realise we are very, very fortunate to not live in such poverty as they do in Africa.

Maybe I can't say anything to make you feel better, but all I can do is help you to rationalise your ideas. Be fortunate we have decent health care, as many millions/billions or people around the world have no sufficient health care and are dealing with life threatening diseases that can be prevented for the price of a can of coke. You have to put life in perspective and realise we aren't that bad after all.


Mark, what a fantastic post and its all too easy to become consumed in your own thought, which I myself is guilty of too. I often also have suididal thoughts from time to time ( wouldnt do anything ) but its hard not to feel like that when you feel so low but I also do know that the next day could be different and I keep moving on no matter how difficult it gets. An inspiring post thought :)

Harvestmouse, totally understand where you're coming from, its very hard to struggle with a condition like this BUT you must remain positive however hard it is andhope the next day will be different, I've just read the Claire Weekes book ' self help for your nerves' and she teaches you to accept the feelings and not to fight or fear them, it may take a while for you to beable to do this but with time the anxiety will cease as it knows you're not afraid anymore. Maybe worth while checking the book out and maybe also visiting your Dr , you could ask about meds or councelling. Hope your ok xxx

[theharvestmouse]

Mark I understand where you are coming from but it is irrelevant to my anxiety and depression. Its a completely different issue.

[Tish]

Mark I understand where you are coming from but it is irrelevant to my anxiety and depression. Its a completely different issue.
I have to agree with you there, harvestmouse.
You have my sympathy and I hope you can hang on in there because things DO get better.
Sending you hugs :hugs:xx

[Firehead]

Indeed, I've tried to think of people who are in a far worse situation than I am - even someone I know with a terrible cancer.

It doesn't seem to work though!

[theharvestmouse]

A friend of mine died of cancer, he was 22, he would have given anything just to be able to carry on living, I still think about him. I do try to think about how lucky I am that I am healthy but when you have had anxiety&depression for years its like having a cancer inside your brain because it affects life so much that it can make life not seem worth living.

[littleredhen]

Mark I understand where you are coming from but it is irrelevant to my anxiety and depression. Its a completely different issue.


I have to agree with you there, harvestmouse.
You have my sympathy and I hope you can hang on in there because things DO get better.
Sending you hugs :hugs:xx


Indeed, I've tried to think of people who are in a far worse situation than I am - even someone I know with a terrible cancer.
It doesn't seem to work though!

yep, +1. Sorry Mark, but hearing that story just makes me feel worse. Because I know I SHOULD be more grateful, but it really makes no difference and now I just feel even more guilty and crap for being so ungrateful and discontented on top of everything else. NOT criticising your post Mark - I'm really pleased that these things help you and I'm sure it helps a lot of others - but because of my/our mindsets, we are too ill to consider these things rationally I suppose. I feel even worse when I think about the things I should be grateful for and that, actually, I have nothing to be depressed about. Perhaps it's a fundamental difference between depression and anxiety/panic?

[neowallace]

Hi Harvestmouse

I feel like that at times and at bad times all the time. You get fed up fighting it changing medication, jobs, friends, hobbies everything to try and make yourself feel better. Keep sharing and your right sometimes there is nothing anyone can say. All I can tell you is you are not alone although it probably feels like you are just now. I hope you are feeling better soon...

swxx.....:hugs:

[feelingbad]

Hi Harvestmouse

I totally understand where you're coming from. I've suffered anxiety, depression, and panic attacks since I was 15 years old - I'm now 45. I've had every therapy going in those years, some has been helpful, some not. I know rationally that every time I get bad it always does get better - I know this from reading diary notes going back to the 90's where each time I feel that I'll never get better, that I'm going crazy, that nothing feels real and that I want to die to stop the pain but each and every time I do start to feel a little better, usually when something else happens in my life to break the cycle. This sometimes takes weeks or months, so sometimes when the anxiety has really got hold I can hardly get out of bed in the morning. I try to accept that I am an anxious person and will always be but some days, weeks, months I do feel better and that is what I hold on to. I take anti-depressants and oxazepam when needed and try not to worry about taking it because at the end of the day if it helps me cope a little then I'm no different than someone needing insulin. Please have faith that you will finally start to see light at the end of the tunnel and you're certainly not alone with the pain and despair you feel right now! I'm sat here feeling the same way.....

Xx