Pinkcasi
26-04-12, 12:35
Ok so i just sent my boss an email explaining everything, jeez i dont know whatposessed me i mean it's not like my work is suffering or anything, she doesn't need to know really, but she knows some stuff as she's read my fine, i've just moved teams and she's just become my manager, she's knows stuff and she's an ex nurse and pretty observant too so i thought i would tell her, it made my heart almost thump out of my chest just panicing about it writing it, i could have asked for a private word but i never would have been about to say it face to face.
Basically i said, I have suffered for a great many years with Stress, Depression, General anxiety, health anxiety and self harm, i nearly didn't put the last one on but i figure if im going to be honest i may as well lay it all out there, it's not like it's something that in the past like i tell people, it's still the first thing i turn to when things get tough and i hate myself for it, anyway i diress.
So thankfully she didn't make me wait long before calling me aside and reassuring me that it's all fine, my work is great and she thinks im doing really well, she doesn't want to lose me from her team and she thinks i can get a top box marking next year (in our apprasil system it means a bonus of about £500) I told her that i dont think i can do it im not good enough or well enough, it's all i can do to show up every day but she does appear to have faith in me which is weird, she said that i have support if i need it from family, friends, work which almost made me cry as the family have never supported me in this even before this latest fight with my sister, and my workfriend have just disowned me, im running very short on loved ones just now and im starting to think they cant all be wrong, i am actually selfish and self obsessed and over sensitive and defensive.
Anyway im digressing again and it's a really long post now sorry, if youve made it to here im sorry, it prob doens't make any sense wither as im a bit fuzzy from the sleeping pill last night, but the point of this post was to say someone has faith in me.... trying really hard to not ruin it with, but she doens't know me very well.
Basically i said, I have suffered for a great many years with Stress, Depression, General anxiety, health anxiety and self harm, i nearly didn't put the last one on but i figure if im going to be honest i may as well lay it all out there, it's not like it's something that in the past like i tell people, it's still the first thing i turn to when things get tough and i hate myself for it, anyway i diress.
So thankfully she didn't make me wait long before calling me aside and reassuring me that it's all fine, my work is great and she thinks im doing really well, she doesn't want to lose me from her team and she thinks i can get a top box marking next year (in our apprasil system it means a bonus of about £500) I told her that i dont think i can do it im not good enough or well enough, it's all i can do to show up every day but she does appear to have faith in me which is weird, she said that i have support if i need it from family, friends, work which almost made me cry as the family have never supported me in this even before this latest fight with my sister, and my workfriend have just disowned me, im running very short on loved ones just now and im starting to think they cant all be wrong, i am actually selfish and self obsessed and over sensitive and defensive.
Anyway im digressing again and it's a really long post now sorry, if youve made it to here im sorry, it prob doens't make any sense wither as im a bit fuzzy from the sleeping pill last night, but the point of this post was to say someone has faith in me.... trying really hard to not ruin it with, but she doens't know me very well.