Bad day

[Pinkcasi]

Ok so im having a really bad day today, I took a sleeping pill last night to help me sleep, (obviously i dont know why i needed to explain that but still) and today im really foggy and sleepy and i cant concentrate, i overslept so was late forwork, thank god for flexi hours, everything i eat or drink tastes like metal thanks to the pills and i jsut want to cry.

I told my manager about stuff, but not so i could get away withbeing lax at work, tha'ts not what i want i just want to be able to function like a normal human being without drugs!

Im so cold ands o tired i just want to go take to my bed but as i got in late i should stay late really, but wouldn't i be better off going early and making myself better (if that's possible) or would i just be giving in to it, I felt good yesterday for the last few days in fact then today it's like a punch in the face, im tired of it all! i can't do it anymore life shouldn't be a constant struggle should it really, i want to worry about the normal stuff, money and what to have for dinner, where to go on holiday not whether i'll be able to leave the house this weekend or should i kill myself today or tomorrow, it's exhausting it really is, i dont want it anymore!!

ARGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry i just really needed to get that all out my system, i have no idea if it helped at all.

[theharvestmouse]

Sorry to hear that, I've been feeling the same if its any consolation.

[saro]

Hope you feel better soon

[Pinkcasi]

Ok so i did leave early at 3pm which meant i'd only worked 4 hours 10 minutes yesterday, im supposed to do 7.5, so at some point i have to make those hours up, but i didn't care i just had to not be here, i met my boyfriend and we went for a drink and i know i sholdn't have what with it A being a school night and B it being a depressant but yeah i got a bit tipsy, I dont really remember much but i know that he stormed off to bed, apparently he said he knew we were going to fight so he went to bed to avoid it, I dont know much more than that but i know i have a cut on my arm, but i dont remember crying or feeling sad, the whole thing is very odd. For a few hours there i did feel.... ok, that's the best i can hope for, Oh and we id have a really good chat about stuff, early on before i got too drunk we talked about us and me and stuff really, i think or hope that he understands a bit more now and i feel like i can share more with him, (i was worried about scaring him off).
So anyway, for a brief few hours it was cool but now im on the comedown, im not hungover i just feel deflated and sad, i feel regret that i used overdraft that i promised i wouldn't to go get wasted just cos i can't cope with everyday life.