rubbish day so far

[miss sparkle]

ok, so yesterday was a better day, actually managed to try and put my worry at the back of my mind bit.
Today i have heard of two people who i know though friends of my age that have just found out they have cancer.
My mood has completely dropped and i am really really upset again.
These women both have young kids and i just keep thinking it will be me next.
I don't know how to cope anymore, i don't want to go into details, but the things that were wrong with them were fairly minor.
i have my unopened citraphram upstairs, thinking of starting to take them now as this fear is defiantly taking over my life :(

[zippy]

I feel for you because i am the same, an old family friend died this morning and i said to my friend i will be next because i have an abscess? on my belly that isnt going. I am struggling with my mood and i am full of aches and i keep thinking that the abscess is a tumor and its spreading and i am dying.
I dont really have any advice because i feel the same but just to let you know your not alone x

[miss sparkle]

Thanks zippy. Its really horrible isn't it.
I wish i had the money to just go and get a full body scan and know once and for all what's going on.
Im just obsessed with cancer atm and every person i speak to knows someone who has got it or died from it. The tv is full of advert, and i am thinking it May be a sign i need to get checked.
I know i sound like a rambling mad women, i am not honestly, but this is turning me into one!
I am sure your are ok, has your abcess gone down at all since starting your anti biotics?x

[zippy]

Well miss sparkle if you are a rambling mad women i am as well because i am the same as you. Since i got this stupid lump/abscess everytime an advert comes on the tv i think the same that it's a sign that it's a cancerous lump and i am going to die. Even in the car this morning on the radio there was an advert saying every 2 mins someone gets diagnosed with cancer and i just think oh no it is another sign. Even though i know when we feel ok the adverts are probably still on but we don't notice. I also keep thinking if i let myself not worry this time it will be fate and it will be serious. Its like having a form of ocd i suppose about our health.
I really do know how you feel and i know how awful it is that we are too embarrassed to tell our family how we really feel because thay think it's stupid to think that way.

---------- Post added at 13:29 ---------- Previous post was at 13:28 ----------

My abscess has gone down slightly but i am on my 2nd week of antibiotics.

[countrygirl]

Poor you two. I have had ha since a child so understand completely. I now have the benefit of age and experience:blush: as I am now 50 and what I feel strongly is that no one should ruin their life like I have ruined mine with ha. I have spent all my life worrying about every single ache pain or strange sensation ( I have a few chronic health problems that give me symptoms 24/7 which does not help). I have in the past few years improved but I still have severe freak outs, just a few weeks ago I started to not be able to sleep and boy did I have severe anxiety bad enough for my Gp to give me diazepam and sleeping pills for a few days to break the cycle which it did.

What we cannot accept is that we have no control over our bodies or health ( just saying it creates fear) and we will all die its the only sure thing in life I am afraid. Alot of the time now I can tell myself that no one knows whats around the corner so why don't we just enjoy our lives NOW rather than wasting our time worrying about what might be but probably isn't. As I say I have relapses but the older I get the more the above resonates with me.

As for the full body scan - don't even think about it as the radiation dose from this is so huge that you really would be putting yourself at risk of cancer in years to come!

I had an abcess in a very :blush::blush: area and it recurred three times. Each time I had strong antibiotics and it burst but did not go completely but the 3rd time I was told I would need surgery:wacko: but I managed to get it to come to a head with lots of hot compresses with neat tea tree oil on the compress and salt and it workd:yesyes::yesyes:. The abcess burst properly and went away. Maybe worth trying this on top of the antibtiotics?

[zippy]

Thanks countrygirl. I am 42 and i also have m.e/cfs which isnt good for someone with HA. Every new symptom i get i freak out and think no i feel different this time. I really have convinced myself that this isnt an abscess even though i have seen 2 docs because there is no head on it and i have tried to squeeze it and there is no way anything is going to come out. It seems too deep to get an head on and it isnt even sore. I will finish my 2nd week of antibiotics and try the tea tree oil as well. I started getting butterflies last week and waking up early because i have convinced myself this abscess is something serious. Of course it has set off other symptoms which just fuels it. I just want to cry all the time, i need to get a grip AGAIN!!!

[countrygirl]

The antibiotics will stop the abcess from getting a head, this was the trouble I had with them they did not clear it up totally they just made it go down alot but then for me a month later it was back. The 3rd time I didn't even go to my Dr because I knew the antibiotics weren't working and they gave me thrush! so I just did the hot compresses etc as described and I got two really big heads on it and then when they burst I very carefully squeezed out every last bit of gunk and this got rid of it.

I understand your worry as I would expect pain with an abcess - I knew I had one! If I was you I would finish the antib's and if you can still feel it and are in no pain then insist your Dr refers you for tests to find out what it is. It could be a simple cyst - I have one on my leg that looks like a pea sticking out, its mobile so sometimes it hides under my leg bone and other times if its on top of the bone it sticks out but it is totally painless and is a simple cyst.

[miss sparkle]

I think logically that is part of the fact that i can't control it, my husband always says i am a control freak. Not really in day to to day life, but for instance i have recently gone off flying as i don't like the lack of control sat on the plane, and if we drive long distance i prefer to drive. Not doing my 'not a mad women' plea any favours am i!
It sometimes feels so lonely thinking like this, no one takes me seriously if i mention it, so i end up laughing it off, when in fact i am deadly serious-excuse the pun.
I would hate to look back(hopefully)in 20 years and think i have been so silly and wasted time like you say country girl, but honestly how i feel now, i don't think i will make it that long! madness!
zippy, if your lump has gone down, that's good, i doubt cancer would go down with anti biotics. Not that i am being patronizing, i totally understand your fear, just trying to bets rational x

[zippy]

Thats what i am worried about the most countrygirl that it has no head and it isnt sore. When i first noticed it it was because it felt a bit sore around where the top of my jeans rub and when i felt there was a lump and then a few days later there was a big,hot, red circle around it. I have admittedly squeezed it and even stuck a needle in and there is no way whatever is in it is going to come out. I am allergic to metal and i always break out in that area with where my belt/jeans rub.
Miss sparkle i know how you feel, i am not like that in my every day life just my health. And i am the same about this abscess, i am scared to tell my partner i think its serious because he just says dont be stupid.

[julynn]

Hi miss sparkle I'm the same today was doin ok up until just an hpour ago. My friend told me that her mum has terminal c. And now I cnt stop stressin over it. Om convinced that there is something wrong with me and now I'm stressing over goin for my ultra sound. This is really hard for me to cope with I dnt really have many family members left. Ohhhh I'm so stressed out I dnt know what to do :(.

Country girl your so right I just wish I could. Get my head to think that way.
Zippy am sure your abcess will soon go down sometimes it takes an extra course of antibiotics to get rid of them. But still dosent help the anxiety we feel.

[miss sparkle]

It is ridiculous isn't it.
At the moment i have right rib pain which is liver/kidney/pancreas/gallbladder cancer.
tummy aches obviously cervical or ovarian cancer.
Back ache one of above that has spread.
neck ache, don't even know, Erm neck cancer.
A breast lump-has been checked, but still breast cancer.
and last but not least swollen node in neck, so lymphoma too.
i feel like my body and mind are falling apart and i don't know what to do about it x

[zippy]

Me to miss sparkle, i feel like my body is falling apart.
I have just had a whinge to my best friend about how i feel and she said even if the lump is cancer what is the point of worrying over something i have no control over. How is it we can see how we shoud be thinking but we can't.

[julynn]

Aw miss sparkle I 100% know how you feel its not nice and its driving me nuts. I have a swollen lymph node the side of my neck at the back I've had for a few years since before I had HA. And when that kicked in I started to panic about it so went to the docs as it was getting really sore didn't help that I constantly poked it. She said seein as tho I had it for so long and it hadn't got bigger she said its quiet common for lymph node to swell when fightin infection and not go back down. But I didn't belive her so she did blood test and told me to stop proddin it. All clear blood test and I stopped prodding it and its no longer sore. Still get niggle about it tho.
Its so hard having HA its takin all my energy and I'm so new to it I dnt know how to cope But we will both get there and fight our HA and manage to be happy hopefully one day soon. X

[miss sparkle]

ah bless you both. Its just so nice to hear i am not alone and we are here to support each other. Keep posting x

[Lindy]

miss sparkle I definitely feel like you on so many days....they are getting less but like the it's always the CANCER! My gran has it :( ...my friend died this year from it....my friend's dad recently, another friend's dad has a few months left. I realise that I'm wasting my life worrying about something that might never happen (hey i might get hit by a bus tomorrow) but sadly that doesn't change much. Therapy is helping, but I have to allow myself be happy apparently!

[Acidomoduso]

I also have a very close friend who has just been diagnosed with liver cancer, from a melanoma she had last year. This has affected me greatly and i do sometimes think about my symptoms as being related (but i know they are not). I also has a higher than average (for my age) prostate reading (twice) recently. It was over by .001 on the first readin and .03 on the second reading. I called my doctor and he told me that the reading was fine and they expect readings of 5 and above to warrant investigation (mine were 1.111 and 1.4 respectively). So i've been stressing about that recently too.

My friend is of the mind that there is no point worrying until you have to - she even jokes about her cancer, saying she'll use the "cancer card" to get her own way! She is smiling and cares more about the people around her than herself. She is amazing - if only i could think like her!

One thing i will say though - there has been mention of full body scans here. These are generally not recommended for healthy people and are only really used for known issues. The reason is not that it over exposes you to radiation (it does, but in only slightly increases your chances of getting cancer in onld age) but more that if everybody was scanned, every result would find abnormalities, no matter how small - we all have abnormalities. Also, there is no guarantee that a clear reading would mean you were clear of disease or an abnormal reading would mean you had something sinister. The results aren't that reliable.

A useful read on body scanners and their benefits and detriments is here... http://www.fda.gov/Radiation-EmittingProducts/RadiationEmittingProductsandProcedures/MedicalImaging/MedicalX-Rays/ucm115340.htm

Thought that may help someone on here.