I hope im posting in the right area.

[Anxiousmess]

Hi everyone, i hope im posting in the right area here, things are going from bad to worse here, looking for some advice and reassurance i guess.

I have become obsessed over cancer.. :(
Every symtom i experiance i think its the C word and i cant control my thoughts anymore.
Two weeks ago, i was taken into hospital and had xrays etc on my stomach as i was in alot of pain, i was convinced i was going to get told the worst, those few hours destroyed me, i was so anxious it was unreal, then i got called in and was told that it was nothing seriously life thretening, but i do have gastritus.. which i am now on treatment for.
Now, i have moved onto overian C word and also a brain tumor.
Its driving me crazy, whenever i experiance a pain, or twinge i automatically think its the C word, and its making me ill!
At the moment, i have alot of lower back pain, pelvic pain, a very bloated belly, i look like im about to drop!
I am not pregnant, i do have polycystic overys and i dnt have very many periods, so ive automatically convinced myself i have overian cancer and have had it for a long time, not only that i am suffering with personality change, headaches, extreme dizzyness n off balance and memory loss with loss of concentration, and u'v guessed it!! Yes.. ive convinced its a brain tumour, im really worried about all of this, and its seriously driving me crazy and i cant take this anymore, i want my old life back and i just want to feel happy and well again, i feel so tired all the time and so ill, i cant help but think its something awful, i have this awful ill dread feeling all over my body aswell which becomes so intence i get angry and frustrated, i just dont know what to do anymore, i always feel like i cant relax untill i get confirmation from the hospital after scans etc.. but i cant keep going on like this, because one day when i do need help for a real reason they might hesitate to give it to me, im sorry to go on, i just feel so trapped and different and im just so scared.
My anxiety and depression has become worse since my step dad died at an early age afew years ago down to stomach cancer, ever since i have been petrified of the dreaded C word and it just wont stop, please message back.. i really need some help or anything u can offer me, thanks everyone X:hugs::shrug:

[wlizzie]

hi anxiousmess,
i can completely relate to what you are saying , two months ago i went numb and tingly down one side and was admitted to hospital with a suspected stroke episode even though im only 33, anyway fast forward six weeks many blood tests and ct scans and mri evntually it all got to much and my symtoms were overtaking each other so i wrote a list for my doctor (lucky man) lol.
i included all the mental symtoms i was getting and all the physical and i was crying so much when i entered that office that all i could do was shove the list at him and sob.
he immediatley said i have anxiety and severe depression and put me on 20mg of citalopram ad.
i have to say i have only been on them 2 weeks and although im a little wobbly today generally im at least 60% better than i was a couple of weeks ago.
im not saying you run to the docs for medication but you should go and tell them how you are feeling and talk through your options with them .
hope you feel better soon :hugs:

[Anxiousmess]

Thanks wlizzie, my doctor has put me on citalopram, i havent taken them yet, because i am scared of the side affects :'(.. i also threw a list at my doctor over the stomach problems etc, but then i get new symtoms and just want to run to a&e for quick tests for reasurrance, im just so sick of being this way, i can see that i am extremely anxious and highly depressed, but its this C word thing, i cant shake it, everytime i get a pain i sob and say to myself " there goes the C word playing up again" and start having a massive crying fit, i just cant do this anymore! x

[wlizzie]

i was scared of taking them aswell but like yourself i was at such a low point that i was willing to try anything , so i looked through this site and read some of the more positive threads about citalopram and decided i really didnt have anything to lose by trying them, i did get some side effects the main one for me was nausea but it seems to have gone now.
also after i had been taking them a few days i found out that both my mum and my sister had been on them at on point and they were really surprised i had any side effects because they had none at all.
so its the same with any meds it effects everyone differently, but if your doctor thinks they are going to help you its worth giving it a chance , at least you will know you've tryed and if they dont agree with you go back and tell them.
my doctor probably dreads seeing my name on his appointments but never be scared to go to them for help , it is their job after all :yesyes:

[Anxiousmess]

Thank u very much wlizzie, you making me chuckle!!
Yeh, i go so many times, they know my voice on the phone now..
Thanks for ur advice, i will start my citalopram tonight, and fingers crossed it will help me.
x

[julynn]

hi i am exactly the same im petrified ofthe c word and you cnt get away from it every news has it on even breakfast tv. and i was with my friend the other day and she told me that her mum has terminol c in her kidney and liver. which has made me 10 times worse as im awaiting an ultra sound due to right rib pain. im so scared my liver function bloods came back normal so i guess thats good just cnt stop fearing my ultra sound. im so scared
like u ever pain or ache i have is the c its taking over my life.
i have been to the doctrs so many times over my health. with so many diffrent things when i get the al clear from that something else pops up. its never ending :(
i 36 with 3 children and i just want to be happy again i hide so much of my axiety away from my children then when im on my own it erupts like a volcano.im waiting for my cbt to start im really hoping this will help.
im so glad i found this site as it really does hep to talk to people that know what your going threw all my friens and family think im a hyprocondract. which i guess i am but they really dnt understand the true meaning of the word.
but we will all get better and be happy of that im sure. take care xx

[wlizzie]

good luck anxiousmess let us know how you get on :hugs:

julynn i know how you feel i have 2 children and its hard trying to be "normal" mummy all the time , thats where i find this website has been a godsend for me the last couple of weeks , knowing i am not the only one :yesyes:

[Anxiousmess]

Hi julynn.
Thank you for your reply, its greatly appreciated, im sorry to hear you are also suffering so badly right now..
It seems to me, that cancer is everywhere nowadays, and i cant deal with it, its always been abit of a fear for me, but when u see it happen to someone it is greatly worse.
Its hard for our families, because it doesnt matter how many times we repeat how ill we feel they dont seem to realise, unless they have been there themselves.
I struggle all the time, from morning till night, from eating, to drinking, to excercise and housework, i can never stop thinking something is seriously wrong, and it does eventually make u feel so ill that u could just give up and die, but i do know that there is some hope out there for all of us, and one day we can feel normal again.
Remember that everyone has a certain amount of anxiety and worry in them, its normal, but certain things can happen during our lifetime that can elevate the anxiety and worry to a crazy extent, leaving us feeling fearful and ill!
You will be okay, as will i, some day!! Hopefully sooner, rather than later :)

---------- Post added at 12:14 ---------- Previous post was at 12:13 ----------

You are both so lucky to have children :)
I have been trying to become a mummy and make my husband a first time daddy for 8 years, with no luck..
Sometimes i worry about that too, am i even a real woman??
:(

[julynn]

you feel exactly ike i do everyday its just awful
i have been threw a tough time lost my mum when i was 23 due to depression and alcaholism. i thought i had coped with it but then since the HA has hit me after i became ill last year lost my grandma 3 years prior i keep thinkin i dnt ever want my babies to feel the grief i did after loosing my mum and grandma i want to be an grey old lady when its time
.im sure you will become a mummy hun and u are no less of a women for not becoming a mummy just yet. i really hope it will happen for you.and very soon take care hunnie x

[Anxiousmess]

Thank you so much for being such lovely caring people, none of you deserve this suffering atall, why it hits the nice ones like us i really do not know X Take care, and dont hesitate to message me if you need :) x

[julynn]

:Dyou to hun msg anytime. aww yr post really has made me smile. take care hun and keep posting its good to write things down and everyone on here has been so nice to me x

[miss sparkle]

Ooo just wanted to jump in here, i posted about exactly the same thing a few days ago.
Even down to the polysystic overies and not wanting to take citraphram incase i get side serious side effects.
I have just sat down after a busy day at work and evening with kids and my thoughts are starting! arraghhh!