Boyfriend drama

[Pinkcasi]

Ok so im a little concerned that im going to end up forcing my boyfriend to leave me because im such a freak to live with.

We've only been together about 6 months and he moved into my place a month ago, all a bit quick i know but what the hell it seemd right and i thought it wasgoing really well, i mean it's dodgy timing as i accidently stopped my AD's and took a nosedive, and i had a big arguement with my family, and the whole move has been stressful, i've been living on my own for about 5 years and i am very set in my ways, everything has it's place, things are done in a certain way, it's a bit OCD but it's not hurting anyone so it's alright right. Now all of a sudden there's someone else in my space, and it's hard, he's trying so hard though he really is, he takes on board all my stupid little 'quirks' even though most of it doens't make sense to him, i know he's trying but i still find myself snapping at him and complaining at him for not doing stuff that i cant possibly expect from any normal person, i mean put the toilet seat down that's a reasonable request right and he is getting better, but make sure you put the mugs on the mug tree anti-clockwise so they're all the same and go in a circle, is a bit weird.

So last night we had words about something or another and he said, 'this isn't working out is it' now i thought it was going pretty well, we always knew it wasgoing to be hard or rather I did but i dont think he really appriciated the gravity of my freakishness, and now he's seeing it and i dont know that he can cope with it.

I told him that he can read some posts on here that some people find it helps for partners to read to understand more but i dont know if he will, i think he thinks it's intruding or something.

Im not really asking any questions or even looking for advice i just wanted to get it out, im worried that this is the beginning of the end.

[Pinkcasi]

Gee thanks for all your kind words, it's really helpful to hear, Oh wait nope 44 views and not one reply, cheers anyway.

[CameronG]

Hey hun just hang in there, like u say let him have s look around here and he'll see its normal for alot of people, sit down have a good chat with him about the way u feel etc am sure he'll learn n understand xx

[rockydog]

Hey there, don't know if i will be any help as i haven't lived under those circumstances, but when you move in with anyone it takes some time doesnt it to settle. At least you know that what you are asking is a lot to take on board. I have a fiend who is married and has the same sort of needs regarding mugs and curtains being straight and cushions in the right place. She tends to straighten things around you without saying anything and i think her husband has learnt in time to be very neat and tidy.
But honestly any new living arrangement is hard at first whatever you are like, i can remember thinking god i dont think i really like you for a couple of months, but it settled down and things evened out. A lot of it mat just be normal adjustments you are both making but you are overly concerned because you know you are not easy to live with.
You know what men are like they can say some pretty insensitive things anyway (sorry men) so it may just have been an irritated out burst from him.
I hope it improves for you x

[Pinkcasi]

Thanks Rockydog we always knew it was going to be hard especially doing it after not being together very long and he is really trying hard, it's just that when we met i was on AD's and totally fine, i told him that things were in the past and it was fine, im still a total nause to live with but i wasn't 'actively depressed' then i had a 'breakdown' now he spends all his time telling me he loves me and asking if im ok, i worry that he's walking on eggshells around me and that's no way for anyone to live, I think as long as we can keep communicating we'll be alright but it wouldn't be the first relationship i've ruined because im mental, and i dont want it to happen again.

[Rennie1989]

I think if anyone was living on their own for 5 years they would have their own set behaviours and such. I'm house proud, which I've picked up from my mum, and despite living with my partner since September (after only going out for 2 months! Like you, I was coming off AD's) I still bicker at him for leaving the towel on the bathroom floor, not tidying his mess in the kitchen etc. He completely understands and I'm slowly house training him, lol!

Have you fully explained why you behave the way you do? Did he accept it when he moved in? Maybe after he'll start adapting to your ways?

[Ingenious]

Yes I too would agree that living together is really hard at the start especially if you had previously been used to having your own space. The thing really is not to think the whole thing is your fault or the result of your issues, because so many couples go through these teething problems. If he says it's not working out maybe have a talk with him about anything specific that's wrong and see if you can work on it (or work on his understanding of how you see things).

And on behalf of all the blokes on NMP I apologise for leaving the toilet seat up. We can't help it, it must be in our DNA :)


Oh wait nope 44 views and not one reply, cheers anyway. Don't panic - 44 views and no replies did not mean 44 people read it and decided not to bother replying. I'd guess half those views were search engines crawling the page, some were guests reading it, and the others were members who read it but didn't have anything to add.

[nomorepanic]

Gee thanks for all your kind words, it's really helpful to hear, Oh wait nope 44 views and not one reply, cheers anyway.


It could have been this bit that you put:

Im not really asking any questions or even looking for advice i just wanted to get it out, im worried that this is the beginning of the end.

So members didn't think you wanted comments maybe :shrug:

[bottleblond]

Being in a pretty new relationship can be a bit akward to begin with as you both have to adjust to the other ones ways of living.

I think the best solution would be to sit down and talk openly and honestly. Maybe it means you will both have to accept the others little faults but if you truely love each other then you can get past this.

Take care

Lisa

[little wren]

Hi pinkcasi

I can kind of empathise...The only person I have lived with is my current partner (9 years) and when he moved in with me it was hard adjusting to someone else after being in control of your own environment for so long (I didn't have ocd then but like others have said it is probs quite normal to have 'teething' probs at first). When someone moves into your space (its your house) a part of you does feel they are a 'guest' still. I have ocd now (6years - not caused by hubby hasten to add) and sometimes I do think oh it would be easier if 'i had my own separate bathroom/shower/laundry room etc. I still have probs in the bathroom because of his stuff and with the laundry. I think once they understand that you're not doing it to be awkward or hurtful but to reduce the anxiety in yourself it will help. By the same token though if you can try and tolerate some of the anxiety that arises with small changes to your environment he will probs see you are trying. Just an idea have you tried going back on ADs if they helped?

[Pinkcasi]

Yeah im back on the AD's now coming off was a bad idea, i think he does understand, or he trys to he's just a man i dont think he's any worse than any other, and ive lived with 2 over the years (as well as my dad) and he at least takes on board what im saying he gets that it's not rational but it's important for me, i was just shocked when he said it's not working as i thought it was going really well, he said the following day that he thinks it's good too and that he just wanted to snap at me as i had snapped at him (he did the laundry then put hi work clothes out to dry and left the rest in the basket to fester, then went to bed an left me to do it) i know people tell me im lucky he even knows there the washing machine is, so i shouldnt complain. I think it'll be ok just me over reacting as usual.

[neowallace]

Hi Pinkcasi

Yeah it's a tough one. I have been living with my wife for 12 years and her and my son's messy behaviour drives me mad. I like things where they belong but after a while you start to say this is who they are I cannot control them. I suppose in my case it was put up with it or get out. I love my family more than life itself so I put up with it. I get major stresses and angry at times still but the medication does help that. I hope your boyfriend does understand it is part of you and when we love someone we need to take the good with bad. I wish you all the best anyway and hope things settle down for you....

xx:)

[little wren]

Hi pinkcasi

Glad things seem bit better. That you both can communicate openly about it is great. At the very least it stops misunderstandings from festering. Hope the ADs help x :)

[Pinkcasi]

Thanks everyone i think it's just generally a stressful time for us both and like i said, i know im a nightmare to live with but im trying and so is he, as long as we keep communicating it'll be ok....hopefully, I spoke to the Dr today about my meds cos they're just not cutting the mustard, she said to see how it goes till 4 weeks as i came off and have only been back on for 2 or 3 weeks so i should probably give it more time and if i still feel shitty i can up my dosage, so we'll see how it goes.

[Patrick Michael]

Hello there. Just a thought - relationships involve a deal of compromise - meeting in the middle so to speak. The mugs placed anticlockwise on the tree are one element of you. there are other elements of you that have gone tomake up the attraction your boyfriend feels for you - he says 'I love you' yes ?. So - most chaps are willing to compromise for the one they love. Are you ? What ius the sensitivity you feel around the mugs, etc? You are aware various quirks have been counter productive in previous relatrionships. How about 'challenging' yourself,and making it a part of the relationship? 'Can you help me with this?' Talk it through. If YOU feel these quirks are NOT helping you, then maybe try to move beyond them. Its hard, I know.... but het give it a try. You don't expect others to be PERFECT - why burden yourself with the same pressure ? After all, a relationship is a bout sharing and yes .. some compromise. Best

Patrick

[grotbags]

I don't have anything useful to add, but just to say I think I would be very similar if I lived with someone. I have my own little routine, which involves a lot of staying in, going to bed early and tapping away on my laptop. My boyfriend is keen to move in but I don't want him to be aware of my little quirks and my need to spend time alone. You're probably not even that difficult to live with compared to a lot of people!! Time is a healer and it might just be a case of getting used to each other.

[Lindy]

Hang in there, I think a LOT of couples go through this when they move in together! Just takes some adjustment. The longer you have lived on your own, the harder it is to ajudst to someone doing things differently which is not to say it's better/worse than your/his way. Of course sometimes one way IS better than the other, and in that case you or he should give in ;) At least, that's what happened for me and my man!