I'm getting worse ,not better!

[jollywalrus]

Hi Everyone,
I am feeling very fed up today. I seem to be getting worse not better. I make sure I go to town or the shops every day, because my big panics happen in shops, but today I only got in the shop doorway and I was hyperventilating. I know cure lies in doing the things we fear most, but isn't is supposed to get easier? I used to be able to shop for things at the front of the shop and pay for them. Now I only seem to get just through the door and I go to pieces. I really try to follow all the anxiety "rules" but my body seems to just go off on one.
My son is 17 on Saturday and to my horror, I have just come home and ordered his present by mail order. I feel utterly defeated. Will I ever look back on this and laugh?
Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Christine

[Panikki]

Hi Christine,
I'm in the same boat at the moment, i try most days to keep going out despite my intense anxiety and panic but it dont seem to be getting any easier to face! I think for me personally it's due to the fact that i'm just forcing myself through the situation rather than facing the fear and accepting it and letting it pass over me without adding fear to the fear. Thats supposed to be the theory of the panic subsiding ...but if you are like me i do everything hurried and want to get in a shop and out as quick as possible I just cant seem to face up to the intense feelings of panic at the moment they seem so much bigger than i can handle!
I think we know the answer to this problem but are we brave enough to face the ugly monster that keeps scaring us away? Dont give up! Take Care Jodie.

J Baker

[jollywalrus]

Hi Jodie,
Yes that is me! But the thing is I don't understand how you let the feelings wash over you and still stand your ground. Lets face it, the very nature of panic is to get us out of a situation we feel threatened by! I cannot stand in a shop and browse at things when I am scared to death!!
It must go eventually, but I just don't see how. I did all my Christmas shopping alone last year, getting on and off trains, going up and down escalators....this year they will be lucky if they get a Christmas card the rate I'm going!!
Lets hope for a better day tomorrow!
Christine

[Meg]

If you do the things and tell yourself you've just escaped and continue to talk it up as a huge problem than it will continue to be a problem.

The trick is to do it and really talk comfortingly to yourself and praise yourself thus conning your brain into believing there is no danger . If you do it jerkily and reinforcing to yourself how awful it is - it will continue to be so .

Th brain believes what it hears - it takes its instructions from your thoughts -not on how you feels as it gives out symptoms depending on your internal instructions.

It will still feel bad for a while but slowly will dissipate.

Does that help at all?




Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[sarah]

Hiya

I just need to add my personal views/experience to this.

Each time I leave the house I get anxious. Whether its to pop round my mums or go shopping or a big night out. Obviously the degree of nervousness is different but I try to approach it in a similar way.

If I go thinking 'Oh my god, oh my god, gotta do this quickly or im gonna faint/be sick/make a plum of myself' I tend to feel worse as I am working myself up more and more.

If I go thinking 'I feel bad but ive done it before feeling worse than this..remember how you were at the beginning and you never did anything embarrasing then', I dont work myself up so much and inevitably feel tolerably ok.

Take this morning for instance. I went to do the dreaded sainsbury's trip. Well I went at 8:30 so it wasnt busy and for the first 2 minutes I was wandering (slowly) round with an empty trolley (except for my bottle of water) just getting used to being in the shop and gradually started putting things in the trolley. Fot those first 2 minutes I was quietly talking myself calm, breathing in for 2 and out for 3 and shrugging my shoulders to get rid of the tension.

And the outcome???
A sucessful shopping trip with NO panic attack in sight.

(This isnt my first solo trip to the supermarket either. I do this every week, still feel anxious every time but my little ritual helps, no one thinks im batty and the more I do it, I can see the less anxious I am becoming with the situation. I can fairly happily browse the shelves slowly and because I havent rushed around at breakneck speed, when its time to pay I dont come to a dead stop in the queue and have all this pent up nervousness to deal with).

I hope this helps you a bit. I know its no easy at all and ive obviously simplified my feelings and how easy its been for me but I dont want to bore you all with a long saga.

Take care

love Sarah
xx



we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

[Meg]

Well put Sarah- Thanks
Exactly what I was trying to explain .






Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[silentcalligraph]

Christine

I can relate to your frustration, I think we all can. I used to really hate all those sayings that you need to get back on the pony once you've fallen off and everything will be alright. Well I tried and things we're not alright and I just wanted to shoot the pony (only metaphorically of course). Meg and Sarah got it spot on - love the bit about the shoulders by the way. I call the point between the shoulder-blades the 'fortress of fear' - if you can relax it you're on your way out of fear. Learning to cope the way Sarah described is possible though it's hard at the beginning. It requires patience but it's well worth it. It's not about tackling the fear but reprogramming your thought-process that comes along with fear - hope that makes sense.

[jollywalrus]

Thank you all, I understand what you mean, but take today for example. It was a beautiful sunny day and all I was buying was a paper and browsing for a birthday present. I can walk around the town easily, but when I enter a shop I feel like I am wearing a really heavy coat, I lose balance and I hyperventilate. Now I am very careful that my inner voice says the right thing. I even told myself I was looking forward to a good look around the shops. The key is in there somewhere, but I don't know where. Honestly guys, I LOVE shopping but I just can't crack this one. I hope I am explaining myself properly. It just seems to happen whether I am anxious or not. I need to retrain my brain somehow, but I can't be doing it right. I wish I had someone to shop with, maybe that would give me the confidence I need.
Thanks all,
Christine

[sarah]

Hi Christine

Me again :)

I totally understand where you are coming from. I was that way for months. (even now I cant walk 'freely' round town or shops without my mind being bombarded by bad thoughts that I constantly have to argue with.)

I dont really know how I have come to the stage im at...i just suddenly realised I wasnt feeling so bad all the time and put it down to the 'talks' I give myself. I think in this case practice does make perfect but you dont realise it at the time. I still go shopping and have really bad days which send me in a spin but these are getting fewer and further between.

Last week I went shopping 3 times with my mum for a wedding outfit. 1st time I was in a state, felt dizzy/sick/faint, wanted to run but mum needed my support and opinion so I stuck it out (she gave me her car keys to hold so I subconciosly knew I could escape at any time). By the 3rd visit to yet another shopping centre I was not too bad and even asked if we could go to some shops I wanted to look in and stopped in a cafe for lunch (unheard of...lol)

Christine, I hope you dont think im trying to preach to you..thats the last thing I would do as I know how hard it is...Im just trying to give you hope :)

take care
Love Sarah
xx

ps I would try going shopping with you on the proviso that you live less than 10 miles from me...lol

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

[jollywalrus]

Thanks all of you and Sarah, I think if you went shopping with me at the moment I'd drive you nuts!
But today I think I have followed your advice. I entered the shop to buy a card and I saw one with "son" written on it and grabbed it to go to the till. Then I thought "No, chose a card you want", so I went back and although I could feel panic rising, I looked at all the cards and then made my choice. In the queue for the till I tried to look at all the items for sale to occupy my mind and I told myself that I have done this before and I can do it again. I also walked slowly from the shop.

I can't say that it was that successful, but I think you all mean that if I do that constantly, eventually I will go into a shop without even thinking about it. And if I make a mess of it, then I just pick myself up the next day and try it again.

Thank you all,
Christine

[Meg]

Dear Christine,

So what wasn't successful ?

Chosen not grabbed card
Purposeful visit not a 1st day of the sales visit
No panic attack- some significant anxiety.

Sounds good to me ..

You will feel uncomfortable. Normal.

Now tomorrow do the same again and smile as you walk and tell yourself that yesterday (today) was in fact a success and list to yourself what you achieved and you're building on it and that it was a good step in the right direction..

Just like you would if you were reassuring a close friend


Then do it ad nauseum ...constantly reinforcing to yourself how well you're doing and how irrational you fears are. Journal your progress so you can read back to how each day felt and soon you'll be writing - 'went shopping - no issues'

This from the girl who wouldn't go to the local post office - 250 yards away and now drives from Notts to Somerset to go to Clarks village outlet.




Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[Meg]

oooh Christine - just found this from you yesterday

'I cannot stand in a shop and browse at things when I am scared to death!! '

I think you just did this today - Well done - Day 1 progress !

If it's helpful to you, you can do like Darren does and do a daily posting here.



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[diana]

Hiya Christine,

Sorry to hear you are battling this monster toe to toe right now.

I know how hard it is, I think we all do.

You asked if you would ever look back on this and laugh, well trust me you will. :)

Well done you!!!!!!! on your trip to get a "CHOSEN" not grabbed birthday card.

That in itself has success written all over it. Just think, you could`nt do that the day before so well done. :)

Try, try and try again sweetie till you get it right.

You will get past this. You are stronger than this monster. The monster just keeps trying to make you "think" you are not. Which is why we need to change our "thinking".

Keep at it and keep us updated on how things are progressing for ya won`t ya?

Wish your son a Happy Birthday from me too. :)

There are loads of good advice and suggestions in the other posts, so practice, practice, practice.

Take care sweetie, and I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Diana xxxx

[seh1980]

Hi Christine,

Sorry to hear you're having a hard time at the moment!! I know how defeated you must feel as I was in your position about 6 months ago. I forced myself to leave the house everyday, yet it never seemed to get any easier. Just when I felt like giving up, I went out one day and realised that I wasn't panicking!!! I couldn't believe it.I do still get rushes of panic now and again but not like I used to.
Don't give up as it WILL get easier!!
Take care.
Sarah (seh1980)

[jollywalrus]

Thanks for your good wishes, Sarah. Today I went to the Doctors for my asthma check and I had a bit of a realisation. I went with my husband for moral support. We had a long wait in the waiting room and although I was aware I was anxious I wasn't too bad. Then my name was called, my heart started beating and I didn't think I would make it. My husband reassured me I could leave at any time (he's getting better), so in I went. While I was in there I had to have a quick medical (oh joy). Anyway, she went to take my blood pressure and I was expecting it to be through the roof, but it was very normal. I guess what I'm saying is that I wasn't panicking at all really, I was just waiting for it!

The only down point is I have put on a stone since taking the medication!!!!!! Need to do something about that fast!
Best wishes,
Christine

[diana]

Christine,

Good to hear that you coped so well at the docs.

Glad to that the hubby is getting better. That must make you feel a bit more encouraged ey?????

Mine is`nt so understanding. :(

I hope this well coping continues on for you dear.

Keep us updated on how you are getting on with things.

Take care,

Diana xoxoxo