humanagain
04-05-12, 10:34
Finally got round to returning here, I spent hours and hours in the shadows of this forum, when my brain decided to go into melt down.
Long story short, my life has been full of ups and a lot of downs. Brother died, became distant father to my amazing son, work stress, new relationship stress etc. etc. etc.
My brain gave in when i didn't know where my son had gone on holiday and i drank half a bottle of bacardi one night. I awoke very different.
Nervous, intrusive thoughts, pacing around, paranoid, repetitive, OCD in my thought patterns, running horses on the chest, night waking. Thought I was better dead, could really see no end, couldn't even focus to drive which is really odd. Doctor was very calm, too calm, but not as helpful as I needed him to be. I needed him to see my plight, and join me.
I thought that was it, I was going to go mad. It definitely felt like madness, I threatened the doctor with marching to the local nuthouse at one point. I never thought these issues where real, or could be real. Would spend days with head under a pillow wanting relentless thoughts to go away. To no avail.
Went on Sertaline for a while, hells teeth. Then onto other SSID, made me better. Six months in I came off, and I relapsed as soon as life got stressful again. Back to square one.
Had a few expensive counseling sessions, which i'm not sure helped, I'd like to say yes. But all seemed to start to heal when i took citralopram.
First few weeks where hell beyond any belief, the warnings on the packet are NOT enough, there should be BIG warnings...internet links and youtube videos for support. It is very difficult to stick with them!!! VERY! Only thing that kept me going was HERE, and a very supportive and patient Wife. and I'm not sure what else, god or fate or time or something.
Anyway, after that 1st few weeks (10-14 days I seem to remember).
All started to feel normal(ish) again.
Yeah side effects, odd sleeping patterns, I felt like i never got a good night, night waking. A little starey, dazed. Takes ages to reach orgasm (frustrating for myself and wife, even though she didn't mention it).
But they all passed for me after about 4 months. All except the sexual side effects, which was a bit of a pain.
Well over a year of healing, and i am off them (slowly, slowly). All is good and I return to say: The night is darkest, just before the dawn. You will heal, it will come. Your old self is waiting. Give it time. Talk to people that know you well and are open minded enough to understand as much as they can. Not all people are willing to do this I found.
Any advice, or just someone to listen. PM me.
A very human again,
Ian
Long story short, my life has been full of ups and a lot of downs. Brother died, became distant father to my amazing son, work stress, new relationship stress etc. etc. etc.
My brain gave in when i didn't know where my son had gone on holiday and i drank half a bottle of bacardi one night. I awoke very different.
Nervous, intrusive thoughts, pacing around, paranoid, repetitive, OCD in my thought patterns, running horses on the chest, night waking. Thought I was better dead, could really see no end, couldn't even focus to drive which is really odd. Doctor was very calm, too calm, but not as helpful as I needed him to be. I needed him to see my plight, and join me.
I thought that was it, I was going to go mad. It definitely felt like madness, I threatened the doctor with marching to the local nuthouse at one point. I never thought these issues where real, or could be real. Would spend days with head under a pillow wanting relentless thoughts to go away. To no avail.
Went on Sertaline for a while, hells teeth. Then onto other SSID, made me better. Six months in I came off, and I relapsed as soon as life got stressful again. Back to square one.
Had a few expensive counseling sessions, which i'm not sure helped, I'd like to say yes. But all seemed to start to heal when i took citralopram.
First few weeks where hell beyond any belief, the warnings on the packet are NOT enough, there should be BIG warnings...internet links and youtube videos for support. It is very difficult to stick with them!!! VERY! Only thing that kept me going was HERE, and a very supportive and patient Wife. and I'm not sure what else, god or fate or time or something.
Anyway, after that 1st few weeks (10-14 days I seem to remember).
All started to feel normal(ish) again.
Yeah side effects, odd sleeping patterns, I felt like i never got a good night, night waking. A little starey, dazed. Takes ages to reach orgasm (frustrating for myself and wife, even though she didn't mention it).
But they all passed for me after about 4 months. All except the sexual side effects, which was a bit of a pain.
Well over a year of healing, and i am off them (slowly, slowly). All is good and I return to say: The night is darkest, just before the dawn. You will heal, it will come. Your old self is waiting. Give it time. Talk to people that know you well and are open minded enough to understand as much as they can. Not all people are willing to do this I found.
Any advice, or just someone to listen. PM me.
A very human again,
Ian