Constant people pleasing & inability to say no is ruining my life

[GirlAfraid23]

Hey guys,

So I have always been this way, a complete people pleaser but as I've got older its got worse and worse.

My current issue is that I'm sick of going out clubbing - I'm 23 this year & have been doing it for many years...my friends are still up for it everytime and I just don't want to.
They have asked me to go out tomorrow night and although its a bank hol the next day, I'm still working as I'm in retail. So technically it isn't a carefree night for me.
Also I'm just not a fan of clubs anymore, I don't mind pubs but the line is drawn there these days.
I am such a people pleaser and I'm afraid of saying no to them, I already text saying I wasn't sure if I could go but I didn't get any reply.

The other day a friend wanted to meet up & I text back saying I had too much on and they replied with: "Oh you're just full of excuses, I get it" which really hurt me as I always try to come out and meet people when I can. But due to my anxiety I find it difficult to do too much in one day but nobody understands that :(

---------- Post added at 20:26 ---------- Previous post was at 19:05 ----------

:(

[BobbyDog]

Been there, got the t-shirt.
You must say no to your friends, if they are true friends they will understand. Your future health depends on this.
You need some 'me' time.

[GirlAfraid23]

I agree with you bobby...but I just find it very difficult to follow through. I'm scared of rejection & abdonment I think. My friends just turning round and saying oh whatever get lost, sort of thing...which my friend kind of did the other day :(
I've actually put myself in some really awkward positions through this people pleasing: even moving into a house with friends for a year which I couldn't get out of.

[LaceFace]

I'm 28 years old, mother....and still bends over backwards to please others! I am the definition of people pleaser lol.....I think there will come a day when I will throw my hands up and start focusing on things that are more important. I just hate to say "No" Your post got my attention I was like "she sounds like me!" You are def not alone on this issue. Take care :)

[Jenwales]

I'm 23. I've never been into clubs etc (i dont know if it's anxitey or if thats my exscues so I wont go into it) but I understand not being able to say no. For years I worked in a shop where they asked me to work extra and I felt anxious everytime the phone rang. I needed a break. I'm not worknig there anymore.
I;d say yes and go there and feel taking advantage of when they didnt thank me- i cant rmemer if they did- or when they just put me on the till and that was it. Anyway, the point is I never could say no. I still have issues in this job. I find excues these days.
I've learnt that are some point you have to stop thinking of others and think of yourself. These other people may not think about you so you have to. If that means saying no or telling them you really don't want to go to clubs anymore then tell them. Or hint to them.