my dad scares me when hes drunk

[br19893]

I know this doesn't have a lot to do with anxiety but I couldn't think of anywhere else to write it. My dad drinks every night but only 2 or 3 cans, he has a full time job so I guess iv never worried about his drinking. Recently he's become more depressed and very negative. On a weeknight like I said he doesn't get drunk but he's very dependent on drink (cant go a night without it) however its when he goes out with his friends which is when I worry. I wait up for him because my anxiety makes me think the worst of every situation. Today he's been out since 12 in the afternoon and his phone wasn't ringing so iv spent all day worrying about him. Now he's come home fallen through thw door shouting very loudly and swearing that I'd turned the heating on. He came in the room where i was sat on the sofa and threw a jumper at me which was on his side. He didn't do it in a playful way either the zip hit me in the face.
It's hard for me cos I used to get on so well with my dad and now he's just depressed, disinterested in anything I have to say and gets really embarrassingly drunk when he goes out.
I live with him and my twin brother, I'm an 18 year old female. Il be moving out in September and am really worried to leave him and my brother cos i kind of hold the house together (him and my brother argue every time they are left alone). I told my counsellor but all she said was that it will be good for me to leave the negativity, however il just Feel so guilty if things get worse and I know il worry about them a lot. I'm starting cbt next week but this situation is only gunna hold me back! How do I tackle this? My dads not an open person and we never talk about how we feel but I think its time he got some help for his depression before its too late. He's made passing comments about killing himself before too like "might just kill myself" he's not serious but why say it if it hadn't crossed his mind?
Sorry this is so long but even what iv wrote isn't enough to explain the whole situation! Does anyone have any advice on how I can get my dad to seriously see that he needs help and that he's developing a problem. I think his behaviour is a cry for help, its just hard to make the first step to talk to him about it. Thanks in advance x

[PanchoGoz]

well the first step is always the hardest - but without the first step there will never come the second or the third step. A dad should listen to his child's worried - I urge you to, at least, casually, speak to him, tell him you get a bit worried, at least then you will be in his mind some of the time. Fisrt steps are hard, but not much could go wrong with mentioning your fears :)

[AnotherNewYear]

Hi

Sorry to hear what you are going through. When i was your age i had a difficult time with my dad (just felt like i could not talk to him) so i used to write him letters which he responded to. Maybe you could try this ?

[flossie]

Of course you are worried about your dad. You love him and you can see how his drinking is having a detrimental effect on his life. However, your dad is an adult. You are not responsible for him. You can love him, be concerned about him and care for him, but ultimately only he is responsible for how he chooses to live his life.
The hard thing that you now have to come to terms with is how you cope with the situation. You can choose to allow your fathers negativity to bring you down with him or you can move forward with your own life.
You are now becoming an adult in your own right which is hard enough without the extra worries you have at home.
Choose your moment carefully and gently explain to your dad how you worry about him and how his behaviour changes when he has been drinking. Tell him how he has started becoming careless in his actions and that he actually hurt you when he threw the jumper. (next time it could be something else and you could get seriously hurt unintentionally) If you think it would help but if you think it would inflame a delicate situation then I would leave it.
If you do this and he denies having a problem and doesn't see the need for asking for help then you have done all you can for now. Move out in September as planned, make a life for yourself no matter what else is happening at home and have fun.
If your brother chooses to stay at home then that is his decision. Your father and brother have to find their own way just as you do. You love both of them and it is understandable it upsets you when they argue but their relationship is one that only they can sort out between the two of them. Maybe they will find a way to rub along just fine once they realise that you are not there as their go between. It does happen.
You really have nothing to feel guilty about. Concerned yes, but definitely not guilt. Do not feel guilt for growing up and wanting to do exactly what thousands of other 18 year olds do each year. Even your dad left home at some point to start his independant life. I know you won't stop worrying about him but don't let your dads problems stop you from moving forward with your life. You will learn and become much stronger for the change and these new skills will come in useful to support him if at sometime in the future your father decides it is time to face his problems.
Good luck.

[br19893]

Thanks for your advice guys, I'm yet to talk to him about it, there's just never an appropriate time. But like you said I need to start thinking about me a bit more, don't get me wrong il keep an eye on him but I need to stop feeling responsible! Iv just started cbt today and I need to be as positive as I can :) x