W.I.F.T.S.
07-07-06, 15:47
I just find it really hard to accept the world. I'm driving along and I think of the vastness all around me and I start to panic. I try and think about the world being flat, but it's curved round so that we can't fall off it and that helps a little. I also worry about gravity stopping and falling off the earth. I feel a bit better about that since I realised the other day that if gravity stopped we would float off rather than drop. I keep telling myself that the earth has been here 14 billion years or whatever and the chances of anything going wrong with it are slim, I'm just thinking about it because I'm negative.
I try to think how I used to feel about it. I just used to accept the ground being the ground and that there is a world out there. I've never been totally comfortable with it. I guess that I am over aware and over sensitive at the moment. Most people take those things for granted and only really think about the things that they can see. When I am more relaxed my nerves will calm down and I'll be the same again.
I also worry a lot about death. I would love to convince myself that "what will be, will be" and "when your numbers up, your numbers up". My fiancee's uncle is like that and I find him a really calming and positive influence. My dad has had a lot of heart trouble and his courage has actually inspired me. I know that he's scared, but the way he laughs and jokes helps me to accept it more. Even my gran, she comes out with things like "if that's all that troubles us, we won't have much to worry about" and other slogans that must have got her through the war.
I think my physical aches and pains make me think more about death and illness than I normally would and, being depressed, I have an 'end of the world' outlook.
I have got to say that on both of those issues I have been feeling better recently. I've still been feeling very anxious driving into work, but much better driving home and even as if I could drive to manchester or north wales. I'm fine in built up areas, it's when I get into the open country that I start thinking about the world. I have actually been trying to think of things on an ordnance survey map or like on the credits to match of the day, that way i can comprehend the earth better and it's kind of a bridging image between my view of the earth and the one from space, so my mind doesn't flood quite so easily.
The third issue is reality. I am getting a lot better on this one.
I know they are huge themes that have troubled great minds for centuries and that nobody is likely to have the answers, but it would be great just to have new ways of thinking about things that are more calming.
I remember when I was a kid I was hysterical because I thought I'd caught AIDS because our babysitter was camp and my mum sat me down and went through all the ways that you could catch it: "have you had unprotected sex?" (I might have been 9!) "no", "have you had a blood transfusion?" "no", "have you shared a needle?" "no". The cold hard facts and reason settled me in that instance. Isn't it great when you can see the reason of reason?!
I have been feeling more relaxed recently and I haven't had the troubling thoughts as much.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
I try to think how I used to feel about it. I just used to accept the ground being the ground and that there is a world out there. I've never been totally comfortable with it. I guess that I am over aware and over sensitive at the moment. Most people take those things for granted and only really think about the things that they can see. When I am more relaxed my nerves will calm down and I'll be the same again.
I also worry a lot about death. I would love to convince myself that "what will be, will be" and "when your numbers up, your numbers up". My fiancee's uncle is like that and I find him a really calming and positive influence. My dad has had a lot of heart trouble and his courage has actually inspired me. I know that he's scared, but the way he laughs and jokes helps me to accept it more. Even my gran, she comes out with things like "if that's all that troubles us, we won't have much to worry about" and other slogans that must have got her through the war.
I think my physical aches and pains make me think more about death and illness than I normally would and, being depressed, I have an 'end of the world' outlook.
I have got to say that on both of those issues I have been feeling better recently. I've still been feeling very anxious driving into work, but much better driving home and even as if I could drive to manchester or north wales. I'm fine in built up areas, it's when I get into the open country that I start thinking about the world. I have actually been trying to think of things on an ordnance survey map or like on the credits to match of the day, that way i can comprehend the earth better and it's kind of a bridging image between my view of the earth and the one from space, so my mind doesn't flood quite so easily.
The third issue is reality. I am getting a lot better on this one.
I know they are huge themes that have troubled great minds for centuries and that nobody is likely to have the answers, but it would be great just to have new ways of thinking about things that are more calming.
I remember when I was a kid I was hysterical because I thought I'd caught AIDS because our babysitter was camp and my mum sat me down and went through all the ways that you could catch it: "have you had unprotected sex?" (I might have been 9!) "no", "have you had a blood transfusion?" "no", "have you shared a needle?" "no". The cold hard facts and reason settled me in that instance. Isn't it great when you can see the reason of reason?!
I have been feeling more relaxed recently and I haven't had the troubling thoughts as much.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.