so sick of this ... just want to be myself again

[swgrl09]

My brain latches onto things to worry about. I got two big worries out of the way this weekend, felt great, well that lasted for a couple hours. Then I could tell my brain was searching for something to worry about. It finds the dumbest things. First I thought I had cancer - doctor confirmed I do not. Then I thought I was pregnant - two tests confirmed I am not. I was over the moon happy, had a good day with the fiance, then felt it creeping up on me - my brain finding worries. Now I am worried that when my fiance travels over the summer he will be in Tornado alley and die. I mean come on.

I hate this. I know he hates this too. He tries his best to be supportive and is really patient. I have been through the ringer of therapy. I feel like nothing is working. I am just trying to mentally battle my own thoughts now.

The worst part is that I was not like this always. I know and my fiance knows that there are reasons I am this way, including having two traumatic experiences the past year and a half, but I don't cut myself excuses. I am very hard on myself.

I used to be in his position with my mom. She was the anxious one and I was the one rolling my eyes and thinking - why can't she just stop? And now I have become her.

I know I am too hard on myself. I know I can beat this. I'm just feeling very low.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[Beckybooboo]

Hi,

Wow - I'm not the only one who over-worries then ay? In a weird way, I find some comfort and I hope you do too that you're not suffering alone with this. I'm exactly the same!

It's hard isn't it? You're trying to do the right thing but then BAM it comes back.

Have you tried rationalising your thoughts? Weighing up the pros and the cons of the situation happening?

It's really a good way to find yourself.

I have a blog www.beckybowerenspiller.wordpress.com that has information on this and how to rationalise thoughts that may help you.

Take care,
Becky

[swgrl09]

Hi thanks for your response. I have tried rationalizing, I think that is the most frustrating part because I can and yet still have the emotional reaction. It's so awful to see clearly how I should be thinking and knowing I am not rational and still feeling insane.