lewis_k
07-07-06, 22:52
Brand new to the forum.
My anxiety usually manifests itself in a fear of cancer. I have had this fear for at a year or so, always triggered by a new "symptom" and the fevered google search; and after a couple of doctor visits followed by failed attempts at self-counceling, I am happy to be here.
I understand that there are designated topics for the subjects I'll touch on here, but in the spirit of introducing myself I'll introduce some of the thoughts I've been having on the subject of cancer fears and if anyone has any related thoughts/ideas we can followup in one of the other topics.
On the causes:
As we know the fear of cancer often comes about through a related traumatic event (the death of a loved-one etc) or something as simple as a movie. Some ideas about what has caused my fears:
--"American Splendor", a good movie but embarrassing to cite as a cause of my fear.
--Thankfully nobody very close to me has had cancer, but several aquaintances have (eg friends of friends etc) and so cancer is now an everyday topic of conversation.
--Alcohol may be a factor. I never drank very heavily, but I cut it out once I began to notice I needed a beer or two just to calm down enough to go to sleep. I have a feeling that this anxiety reliever was doing more harm than good, perhaps changing my body chemistry or something to be more prone to anxiety.
Two holes in my fear's logic:
Knowing that my irrational fear is irrational doesn't do what it should (destroy the problem) but it is reassuring to a certain degree:
--Like many of you I have a huge list of cancers I've thought I had, and that's just for yesterday! The fact that it moves all over literally from head to feet shows no physical consistency (of what is of course a physical illness). The only consistency is in my psychology, in the fear itself.
--The most persistent and potent 'argument' my fear has blessed me with is that my 'instinct' is warning me of impending doom. This I believe scares me the most because instinct was never logical, was never supposed to be, and we all must to some degree trust our instinct. I am trying to teach myself now that instinct is based in one's psychology, and is only useful and trustworthy when the psychology is healthy. If you want to paint a realistic looking picture, you need to integrate perspective/vanishing-point with your artistic instinct in order for it to work. In order for instinct to work the person's psychology needs to have realistic perspective.
Fears:
--At times I worry about my girlfriend's health. I don't want to drag her into this!
--I have always done my best to be psychologically self-sufficient. Although I may at times feel I have made progress, it all goes straight to zero when I find another "symptom".
Things that help (some):
--Talking. Since I'm afraid of running out of my girlfriend's patience I'm happy that you're here.
--I have begun pinpointing my irrational thoughts and saying aloud 'shut up' when they arise. Doesn't sound very healthy but it does come in handy sometimes.
--Walking. This can take a while to get into if I'm really nervous. Walking usually gives the perfect balance of introspection and distraction. Television is never productive, but neither is just turning it off and sitting there.
Thank you IF you have read all this. Sorry for the long message. I promise to be more concise in the future!
Sincerely,
Lewis
My anxiety usually manifests itself in a fear of cancer. I have had this fear for at a year or so, always triggered by a new "symptom" and the fevered google search; and after a couple of doctor visits followed by failed attempts at self-counceling, I am happy to be here.
I understand that there are designated topics for the subjects I'll touch on here, but in the spirit of introducing myself I'll introduce some of the thoughts I've been having on the subject of cancer fears and if anyone has any related thoughts/ideas we can followup in one of the other topics.
On the causes:
As we know the fear of cancer often comes about through a related traumatic event (the death of a loved-one etc) or something as simple as a movie. Some ideas about what has caused my fears:
--"American Splendor", a good movie but embarrassing to cite as a cause of my fear.
--Thankfully nobody very close to me has had cancer, but several aquaintances have (eg friends of friends etc) and so cancer is now an everyday topic of conversation.
--Alcohol may be a factor. I never drank very heavily, but I cut it out once I began to notice I needed a beer or two just to calm down enough to go to sleep. I have a feeling that this anxiety reliever was doing more harm than good, perhaps changing my body chemistry or something to be more prone to anxiety.
Two holes in my fear's logic:
Knowing that my irrational fear is irrational doesn't do what it should (destroy the problem) but it is reassuring to a certain degree:
--Like many of you I have a huge list of cancers I've thought I had, and that's just for yesterday! The fact that it moves all over literally from head to feet shows no physical consistency (of what is of course a physical illness). The only consistency is in my psychology, in the fear itself.
--The most persistent and potent 'argument' my fear has blessed me with is that my 'instinct' is warning me of impending doom. This I believe scares me the most because instinct was never logical, was never supposed to be, and we all must to some degree trust our instinct. I am trying to teach myself now that instinct is based in one's psychology, and is only useful and trustworthy when the psychology is healthy. If you want to paint a realistic looking picture, you need to integrate perspective/vanishing-point with your artistic instinct in order for it to work. In order for instinct to work the person's psychology needs to have realistic perspective.
Fears:
--At times I worry about my girlfriend's health. I don't want to drag her into this!
--I have always done my best to be psychologically self-sufficient. Although I may at times feel I have made progress, it all goes straight to zero when I find another "symptom".
Things that help (some):
--Talking. Since I'm afraid of running out of my girlfriend's patience I'm happy that you're here.
--I have begun pinpointing my irrational thoughts and saying aloud 'shut up' when they arise. Doesn't sound very healthy but it does come in handy sometimes.
--Walking. This can take a while to get into if I'm really nervous. Walking usually gives the perfect balance of introspection and distraction. Television is never productive, but neither is just turning it off and sitting there.
Thank you IF you have read all this. Sorry for the long message. I promise to be more concise in the future!
Sincerely,
Lewis