Feeling so alone

[donna x]

Hi guys, I'm not sure if I have posted this to the correct area. To cut a long story short I have been suffering with anxiety and OCD since the beginning of the year. The is due to my husband losing his job and me at risk of redundancy. I feel I have done everything to help myself, went to my doctor and got prescribed 100mg of setraline and arranged counsellor appointments through my work. With no really improvement I was referred to a psychiatrist which I felt was a waste of time as he only prescribed diazepam 5mg and to go back in 4 weeks. I had been been having a great week at work then last night had a meltdown, had a panic in tesco and then could not stop crying and just thinking loads of negative thoughts. I feel I don't have any real friends and so alone and I don't know what else to do. I also self harmed last night which I had not done in a few weeks so I am really disappointed with myself as I thought I had turned that corner. My husband has been supportive but he has now got a new job working shifts so I'm alone in the house and I can't relax as I'm scarred to have a bath or shower on my own and I'm scarred to leave the house as I'm having issues locking the front door. Sorry for the long message but I dont know what else to do as I feel I have done everything possible to get better but everyone justs wants to give me medication. Thanks for listening. Xxx

[Zeeko1987]

Hello there donna. It's a bit of a hard situation that you're facing just now as I can tell and I do know the feeling of feeling alone and isolated. There are a couple of things I would suggest. I was until recently on a site called Camfrog which is quite a handy webcam/chat room programme where you can chat, listen to music and play quizzes with others online. I found it to be a source of some type of socialisation as I met some good people on there. I wouldn't totally reccommend just using that though as it's easy to substitute that for real company. Is there any groups in your area such as in a community centre or something that you feel you would be able to go to? I know of a few round my area with all sorts of different activities that I was thinking of having a look into. Sometimes it is hard to get out and do these things though, especially if you are having trouble with your door. You should get that seen to if you can :) Could your husband not look at it or is he too busy with the new job? Talking can be as beneficial as medication in my experience and in my short time here there are lots of people in these forums that will chat to you and lend some great advice.

I self harmed for a long time and have had my relapses and you do feel disappointed and sometimes disgusted with yourself, but it's just like drinking or any other drugs, people do slip up from time to time. You just need to take it day by day and if you feel yourself wanting to do something like that try and find a substitue to take out any pent up aggression towards yourself you may have. I've tried running and music which both helped, but there's a whole host of things you can do. Hope this finds you well,
-Paul

[Beckybooboo]

Hi Donna,

Let me just say that I'm so sorry you're experiencing this at the moment - but you're not alone.

I too, have been experiencing depression, anxiety, panic and obsessive thoughts since the beginning of the year and I can assure you I have felt as you have felt before. It's not a nice place to be in, you just feel so alone and sometimes with self harming you just need that release of adrenaline to make you feel better - but there are other ways you can do this.

I totally understand what you mean by everyone just sticking you on medication, I'm on Sertraline 50mg which I started taking yesterday after a huge nose dive with 20mg of Citalopram - after a month I didn't feel as if anything had changed at all and I was at the end of my tether as I just felt as if I'd be better off not being here.

The best thing you can do is speak to other people who are in similar situations to what you are. I know how it feels with regards to your other half as you really want them to get it completely and feel how you feel to understand, but unless you're suffering from these mind crippling diseases you're unable to elaborate fully and make him understand where you're coming from 100%

Maybe, an idea would be to stick it out with your medication, see how it makes you feel, okay, the side effects aren't always pleasant (I have intense sexual dreams every night about a variety of people which is horrible!) but they do ease the pain a little bit and make everything feel a little less edgy.

I would most definitely look into finding yourself a counsellor who specializes in CBT as this may be able to help you when you're in times of panic. Due to the fact that I've coped for the last four months on my own without therapy, I actually started a blog for people who are in the same situation and just need a little help. www.beckybowerenspiller.wordpress.com - it's full of tips and tricks for panic, obsessive thoughts, depression, anxiety, etc and full of wonderful things that may be able to help you lift the cloud of anxiety.

I do hope you find peace and I hope you're okay.

All the best,
Becky

[flossie]

Hi Donna. Anytime you are on your own and would like some company why not pop into the chat room. Everyone is friendly and there's usually somebody there happy to have a natter.

[donna x]

Thank you very much to everyone replies. My husband works shifts now which means I have to lock the door more often which always ends in tears and making myself physically sick. I'm just worried that it will get so bad I won't be able to leave the house. I do have one friend but she always lets me down when we arrange something, even with her knowing I'm going through a difficult time. There is one women at work who i can trust and she knows everything but I feel guilty about laying my problems on her because she has her own family and I feel like I'm being overpowering and clingy. My counsellor suggested a college course to meet people so I'm going to look into that, even thought about counselling as when I'm having a good day I like to help other people. Last night when I could not cope I just felt I had no one to talk to so I'll try the chat room next time. At least people there are going through similar experiences.

I am also having sexual intrusive thoughts which was what caused me to self harm in the first place because I wanted to punish myself but I actually really enjoyed it and I feel turned on with the knife, just the feel of the stainless steal blade on my body. I moved to my hip last night as I'm still hiding the scars on my arm.

My GP mentioned CBT therapy but said the waiting list is too long, so sent me to the psychiatrist instead. I'll mention it again when I next see him.

Thanks for the link Becky, I will have a look. I think I'm just expecting too much from myself, pop some pills and everything will be back to normal. It's going to take time but I'm so glad I found this website for support. I really appreciate everyone's help, thank you.

All the best to everyone, hope your having a good day. Donna x