Anxious cos of family

[Pinkcasi]

So a few weeks ago I had a falling out with my sister, she's a cow and if you don't live your life how she does then your wrong in her eyes, we fell out as she met my boyfriend and she didn't like him even though she didn't speak to him, the messages she sent me were just vile, but thats not the main issue it's not to do with him he's just a pawn in a bigger game she always does this I can't do anything right she's done this with boyfriends that she's never even met! She slates my choice of men of my choice of friends how I handle my finances anything really, I'm 33 years old but I'll always be her specky little sister. She doesn't listen to me when I try to explain this to her.
I spoke to my mum tonight and when I said 'she was the one that wished me dead' she said 'well you must have said something to antagonise her' so it's my fault it's ok to wish a sucicdal depressive dead, I must have deserved that right.
So my sister text me after mum told her I don't want to talk about it, I just don't see the point she doesn't listen, why don't we just ignore the problem that's normally what my family do, bury that head in the sand that's our way, that's probably why I have to cut myself to express myself.
So now I'm really anxious my chest is really Tight and my stomach is cramping, I don't know what to do, my family don't know I'm in the middle of an 'episode' and it wouldn't make a difference if they did, my sister doesn't believe in depression and my mum can't handle it, I just wish I could disown the lot of them.
Sorry for wall of text, my boyfriend is at work and I've no one to talk to and feel like I'm losing my mind, I feel totally lost.

[wlizzie]

families can be a godsend or a pain in the ass i know, it sounds like your sister is the latter.
Do whatever it is you do to calm yourself and forget about her like you said your 33 what you do and who you do it with is not her business. Just look after yourself and let her get on with it. :hugs:

[Pinkcasi]

Well I wish it was that easy, firstly what calms me is self harm and apparently that's not a healthy coping strategy, secondly it's my nieces 7th birthday on Thursday and according to my mum I have to sort this out before then, she's already called me asking if I'm going and if there's one person in my family worth staying around for it's her.
I just want it to all go away, I want everyone to leave me alone.

[Rach29]

Hi i agree with wlizzie you are 33 and make your own choices so just ignore your sister she should be there to support you and be there for you not make your life hard if i was you i would go round and say that your old enough to make your own choices and if she doesnt like them tough its not her life just be straight with her maybe thats what she needs

[Pinkcasi]

I've tried telling her this but she seems incapable of just shutting up, she has to say whatever she's thinking even if it's inappropriate, i really do think she's the crazy one not me!
She say's she does it cos she cares that im going to get hurt, she doesn't seem to understand that the only person that's hurting me is her, she cant stop herself from saying what she thinks even though it upsets and hurts me, well that's not care is it, then she says if you didn't wwant the answer you shouldn't ask the question.
She told me once that i didn't tell her stuff didn't confide in her, i say is it any wonder when i just get judged, but then she said if oyu dont tell me then i have to make up stuff in my head, so im getting blamed for the imaginary stuff she's fabricated in her head because i dont share stuff with her, now tell me that's normal in anybodys world?!?!?!