anxiety - don't no why?? help please

[jenny kilden]

hi guys,

so it all started about 6 weeks ago - i had a panic attack for no reason with general anxiety that didn't go away - i honestly thought i was going mad - i made my mum take me to the hospital and they said it was due to stress anxiety etc etc.... and prescribed me diazepam - which i didn't take. it went on for another week and during that week i felt so low, i didn't want to go out, cried all the time - so i went to the doctors and she said it sounds like depression. so she put me on 10mg of citralpram - which i have been taking for 4 weeks.
the 1st few weeks were awful i was teary and not sleeping, the anxiety made me feel physically sick - i couldn't eat and have lost nearly a stone!! i used to weigh 9lb 4 now i weigh 8lb 5!! i have up and down days - mornings are usually the worst - as soon as i open my eyes I'm anxious!! why?!?!!? but by the evening i dies down and i feel ok. i feel myself getting anixious about things i would normally do everyday, like popping to the shops, or just looking after my children on my own.
i know a handful of people who have been through this and came out the other end, but when your feeling so low and anxious its sometimes hard to believe that il ever feel good again.
the worst things i don't no why this has happened to me just out of the blue. i have a good life with a loving fiancé and 2 gorgeous kids, great family, a nice house, I'm lucky enough that i don't have to work.
i just want to feel good again.
i have a doctors appointment on weds to up my cit to 20mg - which i think will work better. and I'm also starting cbt and counselling this week.

has anyone ever felt like this?? it makes me so sad and angry to think 2 months ago i was so happy and carefree and now I'm this wreck of a woman!! i feel like if it goes on for much longer wont be able to cope!!
please help xxx

[cas2ce]

I could have written the exact same story! 5 weeks ago for me, although I have a history of panic and anxiety, but Had been anxiety free for over 2 years! then out of the blue it hit me in a way I had never felt. Different symptoms, different feelings, not able to pick myself up at all, I am mortified of anything medical but went to the ER 4 times in the last month and to my local GP about 4 times as well! Im still convinced deep down something s physically wrong, but after numerous blood tests etc, have to start accepting that there is nothing. I started seeing my psychologist again and he seems to think I can beat this easily yet again, I sure hope so! I have lost a lot of weight too and have a hard time eating, fortunately My mum has come to stay to look after me or I would probably continue to lose more. There is obviously something that affects you deep down, that you may not see as an issue until someone (a psychologist) helps you figure it out. I know its hard now but try some therapy - there is always a reason!

[Beckybooboo]

Hi Jenny,

I'm sorry to hear you're going through a bad time at the moment and that you've been affected by the anxiety. It's a horrible thing to go through and I'm very sorry to hear you're experiencing it.

Everyone at a time in their life may experience mild anxiety, it's due to a chemical imbalance in the brain - which in a way allows you to think rationally about the situation and not think that you're any less normal than anyone else in the world. Studies have also shown that one in four people are affected by a mental health issue across the globe, the figures of that are so sad, as it should be something that no body should suffer from.

I understand completely that you're confused and you wish to question why this has happened to you, but it could have been anything that sparked it off initially. Mine happened a week after we had my dog Tilly put down in January, seeing her be put down was a terrible thing and sent me on a bit of a whirlwind, which I'm currently fighting now.

But let me tell you, things DO get better. With the right support, medication and help you will be able to get back to your regular self in no time. I see anxiety as a passing phase, something that has affected me here in my life, made me question myself, thus causing guilt, doubt, depression, self worthlessness but allowing me to grow and see the world for what it really is and determine what really matters.

Give the medication some time to work and also the CBT, they'll be able to allow you to rationalize the way that you think and also provide you with a clear understanding of the current predicament that you're in. I have a blog whilst you're waiting for help which may allow you to feel a little more "normal" about the situation. www.beckybowerenspiller.wordpress.com - it's filled with my experiences, tips and tricks I've learnt from friends who have experienced the same thing and a detailed analysis behind the issues we face as humans.

Don't be too hard on yourself, you will be okay. Give yourself a big smile and I'll send you this lovely emoticon hug for comfort. :hugs:

You'll be just fine.

All the best,
Becky

[Jamesflames]

I think most of us would recognise what you are describing. You aren't going mad. For a lot of us there is no obvious reason why we have problems with anxiety. It can run in families or just strike out of the blue. Once you become familiar with how anxiety works you may be able to see how your general anxiety level has increased in the past to the point where you suddenly have a panic because the feelings become overwhelming.

You shouldn't worry about diazepams. They are pretty effective at taking the edge off panic and anxiety. I wish I had been given them when I first panicked.

If you are new to anxiety and panic it is probably a good idea to learn as much as you can about it. The pages on the left give a great overview of the subject. I recommend getting a book like Self-Help For Your Nerves by Claire Weekes or something similar. Recovery is so much simpler once you know that everything you are experiencing is normal and not dangerous.

Good luck with it and try to keep your chin up. :)

[jenny kilden]

thanks guys - i no I'm not the only one going thru this awful awful anxiety, and i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. i feel for everyone going thru this.

cas2ce - i went to stay at my mums for a few nights - but i have 2 small kids 3 and 6 so i cant stay there all the time - although i wish i could - being with your mum just makes you feel better doest it??!
saying that i do see my mum everyday - she only lives in the next road - so she comes over everyday to help my do the washing n general day to day bits.
i am seeing a counsellor this week and starting cbt this week also.

i can think of a number of things in my life which have been hard - but i don't understand why now?? why when all is well does this happen??

i have bought a book called Panic away which is really good and helps. also been listening to hypnosis cd every now and then, i also spray lavender on my pillow at night as its relaxing.

thanks becky for ya blog - i will have a read - and thanks for the positive comments.
james - thanks for the advice on reading up on anxiety - it does help me a lot.

i just want to feel happy and carefree again like i did 2 months ago. feels like someone has ripped my life away and I'm just existing.

we will get better - i don't no when - all i no is we will all get thru this.
is anyone from essex??

[flossie]

Has anyone felt like this? Practically every member of this forum I should think so you certainly are not on your own in the feelings you describe. So many of us will relate to your story.
Firstly don't bother trying to work out why one day you were fine and the next anxiety kicked in for no apparent reason. It's a waste of time and you probably won't find a reason anyway. Also, the more your brain chugs away trying to find explanations for the way you are feeling the worse your anxiety will get, you will be feeding it by becoming more anxious about the anxiety. It becomes a viscious circle - the more anxious you are the more you become even more anxious, so then you become even more anxious because you are more anxious than before - and so it goes on and on.
You need to accept that for some unknown reason you are going through a period of anxiety. The cbt and counselling should be a good help to you.
The nausea may well have come from side effects of the meds. It can sometimes take several weeks for your body to adjust to them and then everything should settle down and be a lot better.
You are not a wreck. You are still the same person who is going through a rough patch at the moment. If you had a physical illness you would be thinking that you will need to take things gently for however long it takes to recover. It is no different with depression or anxiety conditions. Accept that you are not 100% at the moment and will need time to get back to full health.
Depression and anxiety is overwhelming when it first hits you and it feels as if the conditions take over your life but you will get through this. It is just a blip, a frightening one but you will feel better. Dr Claire Weekes has been very much respected for her books on anxiety and depression which you might find helpful. Your local library may have copies or try amazon and ebay. Read the articles on the left side of the screen for more info about the conditions too.
Don't forget any time you feel the need to talk to someone who understands pop into the chat room. You won't be judged as we are all going through a similar experience.
Good luck on Wednesday and for the cbt and counselling. It sounds as if you are getting a lot of help already.

[Morag130]

Hey I'm from Essex Romford. X

[jenny kilden]

thanks flossie - i no I'm not alone - its just so awful i can't bear it much longer.
i no i will get better and i have to just try and accept this for now - but its quite hard. i feel like i just want to scream and shut my brain up from chatting crap!!!!

oh how i hope my meds work soon x

---------- Post added at 17:21 ---------- Previous post was at 17:19 ----------

ooooh morag I'm from romford too !!!

are you suffering from anxiety too?? you on meds??
x

[Morag130]

:-)

Yes suffer with anxiety. I ended up in A&E last week thanks to citalopram side effects were awful though I was ya know.......... The worst! But it was just heightened anxiety but that was a week ago and stopped taking them cause it really scared me. Still got propranolol that my doc said I can take if I get anxious. I can't even leave the house :-( but this week has been better. Start therapy 21st there coming to my home. X

[emsey03]

Hi Jenny, I had to write a post I feel exactly like you and I also have 2 children 4 and 8 a fab husband and feel so lucky to have what I've got and now I feel like a complete faliure. Today has not been a good day but I've been on 20mg of Cit for just over 3 weeks and I'm defo better than I was 3 weeks ago. So just give it time x

I have had anxiety before but not been on meds for 7 years so it's knocked me for six :-( but I will not let it beat me and I find if I can keep busy it help even though sometimes you just don't want eh? But everything you you've said I can relate to you are not alone

Take care em xxx

[jenny kilden]

oh emsey - i feel the same - goin to up my cit dose on weds - so i will just give it time - i believe the meds will work as well as cbt and counselling. its just hard when your actually living it!!every bloody day is a struggle. do you struggle with anxiety all day??

oh morag - i feel for you - i hope the therapy works x

[cas2ce]

Jenny, having mum around will always make you feel better!
It must be hard with kids, lucky in my predicament I don't have any or I would be a wreck!
Flossie is right, constantly trying to find a reason will make it worse - leave it to the professionals to find out why, My Psychologist says that basically I just fought mine for too long and it finally wore me down! but not forever, and I have windows throughout the day where I can think logically, I think they keep me going.

For the past 5 weeks all I have done is tell everyone " I just want my life back" But I'm sure when this is over I will appreciate it more then ever!