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View Full Version : Does your family understand agoraphobia ?



mistymoo
15-05-12, 12:42
Hi all, just wondered if anyone has any problems getting thier family to understand the impact agoraphobia has on us ?
My partner and sister have supported me practically for four years, they do everything for me.
But on an emotional level, they havent got a clue, they think agoraphobia is all black and white , that I dont go out which is very true and they say I'm missing so much, well I know that and I dont need people to tell me. I get frustrated at being stuck in, it makes me depressed and they say 'well if its making you depressed, go out then':shrug:, they are now at a loss as to how to help me. Just wondered if anyone else can relate to it.

BobbyDog
15-05-12, 14:33
I don't think anyone who has not suffered from a mental illness can truely understand how we feel, they can not see it like a broken leg.
Agorophobia is a terrible problem and one that I battle with now and again.

You obviously have a good support network, but, they only know what you tell them about your illness, only you really know how you feel.

take care:hugs:

Jamesflames
16-05-12, 12:16
It's particularly difficult to explain all the funny little "rules" that go with the agoraphobia. Stuff like how straight routes back to the car are better than too many corners or how doors between you and escape are relevant.

grotbags
16-05-12, 19:20
I don't think people will ever understand unless they have it. I know someone who was a really bad alcoholic for about 20 years, living on the streets and in hostels, and people would say to her "why don't you just stop drinking?"

kittikat
16-05-12, 23:12
It's particularly difficult to explain all the funny little "rules" that go with the agoraphobia. Stuff like how straight routes back to the car are better than too many corners or how doors between you and escape are relevant.

I agree with this...I have to 'plan' everything in my mind before going out anywhere, and always need to know my escape route is nearby.

I also have to be in control, like being able to leave when I want to and not rely on others for transport or let them down at the last minute because my mind tells me I can't go out that day. People often say things like 'don't be silly, theres nothing to worry about' or 'you'll be fine' or 'why don't you ever want to go anywhere'....they just dont get it :shrug: If only it was that easy I bloody well would be out!! Don't get me wrong, they are trying to understand, but sometimes I get the feeling they think I am just a lazy couch potato....but it's so much more than that as you know only too well.

Kitti :)

Starmist
31-05-12, 14:55
Totally agree with this.
My partner understands I can't go out and why, but he knows I am getting fed up so he keeps telling me to go out and do something. My family are the same they keep inviting me round to parties and stuff saying it's only at my house. I struggle to get them to understand, but I know they're only worried about me.

I feel the same as you Kitti, there is only so many things you can do before people start thinking you're lazy and such!

purplesky
31-05-12, 15:54
they say I'm missing so much, well I know that and I dont need people to tell me.

So true. If only some people could feel it they may understand more how to help instead of making comments that really aren't helpful, and only serve to make us feel worse..

I hope you can take comfort from the fact that other people do understand and relate to you. I certainly know what you mean.

rb1978
05-06-12, 21:58
When I was having a v bad time with this last year I couldn't even get to my local shop without being terrified and feeling lightheaded like I was going to collapse in the street. I remember confiding in someone that I was struggling even to go to my own village centre and things were bad.

The self same person told me a few weeks later that if I was feeling fed up I needed to get out for a nice, long walk in the sun. That'd perk me up.

The mind boggles really.

purplesky
05-06-12, 23:58
Mental illness - the invisible illness. No-one likes to admit they have ever had it or know someone who has but most people do.

The stigma makes no sense, because mental illness is all around us, and indeed part of us all. How many people are truly able to say they have never been stressed or down. Even if it has not developed into a longer term problem, most people could relate if they wanted to, they just don't want to. The fear that surrounds talking about mental illness is mind boggling really.

I'm not saying everyone should be able to relate to everything, but a little more thought before they speak so glibly would work wonders sometimes.

little wren
06-06-12, 07:45
hey mistymoo

My OH understands but it took him a long time...we were always out and about...kind of outdoorsy people before and it impacted on him as well. I just grit my teeth and do exposure therapy, because I think the alternative (being housebound) is worse than the fear of being out.

Kitty totally understand about knowing where your exits are...I also have to know which way the windows are facing so I can orientate myself.

little wren x

Gatsby
03-07-12, 18:21
Sadly agoraphobia is one of those things you can't explain (like the flavour of dr.pepper). Agree with comment on the little rules. My family can't grasp how i became the way i am, i was never at home, then all of a sudden i never leave. It confuses me, so how can i expect anyone who isn't going through it to truly understand.

PJriverside
04-07-12, 17:14
I totally understand. When I was still married to my ex husband, all I used to get was, don't be stupid, just go out!! (Yeah 'cause the solution is so simple I should have done it years ago!)
Luckily my current partner of eight years is really supportive. He doesn't really understand as he's never suffered but he supports me 100% and we have, over the years taken little steps to push the boundries. I now feel confident with him to expose myself to situations that terrify me. He says he would love to take me to the seaside one day and I really hope that will happen. At the moment I am sort of struggling with roughly an 8 mile distance from my home which is brilliant for me, seeing as many years ago I could't get the the local shop which is just two streets away.
There is certainly not nearly enough awareness.
Sending you (((hugs))) Mistymoo. x x

G.Samsa
25-07-12, 01:17
I'm not housebound, but I find travelling and using public transport very difficult. It's something I've hidden from everyone, unless I've been really forced to confide it to someone (my brother just walked in and I had to change the tab on my browser!). I've hidden it I suppose because I'm really frightened of the kind of responses that a lot of the people here have experienced, and I'm frightened that I'm not going to be properly understood. So it was actually really heartening to read that people can be told those things and be misunderstood and still carry on.

It's true that no one can understand how it is. A friend of mine has been hospitalised recently for severe depression and although I have my own experiences of mental illness I really struggled to fully relate to him. I've found myself thinking "He can go anywhere he likes, he's even travelled abroad alone, so how can he be so unhappy?".

I suppose the point is that it's important to accept that your family and friends cannot truly understand how things are for you, but that doesn't mean that they can't help support you.

PJriverside: your partner sounds fantastic, I think it would really help if I had someone who I trusted enough to take trips with.