emfaz
16-05-12, 00:03
Hey,
Forgive the rant - I promise hwen I am well I am generous, funny, shy and kind but currently I am a self obsessed moody cow!
I'm new here and 6-7 weeks ago I woke up and thought whoa my anxiety is back and felt teary all morning at work. Due t significant life events over the last year, my job etc it is apparently justified but...
Left work early to go to the Drs and haven't made it into work since. Took Citalopram two years ago during a stressful period and it worked wonders but it didn't like me this time so two weeks ago I stopped ( Dr gave me Sertraline to replace) but after suicidal thoughts and living in hell I didn't take them....think i've now got discontinuation problems but basically I feel unable to do anything and have a wonderful combination of GAD, health anxiety and panic disorder with depression thrown in. I think i've spent so much time analysing what has caused this that i've established my life is rubbish - I am a serial avoider and have had so many little panic attacks that avoiding is subconcious but I'm running out of things to avoid.- I panic when in enclosed situations and that is what my life is so...
The scary thing is I work in a hospital as a social worker and can't see how it will get better. Living with parents and brother as was buying a house which fell through and they really are the pull yourself together sort even as they watch me throw up. Apparently I can make myself ill just thinking about it - I KNOW if I could stop do you think I would. I want to be at work but I can't talk to Mrs Bloggs about her care at home after her cancer treatment if I am unable to concentrate for more than 10 secs on anything but myself. Yesterday my other brother drove me to his house 40 mins away and I panicked all the way there, while I was there and didn't sleep beefore he boughtme home....but when I'm well his year old daughter is my favourite thing in the world. The dark thoughts are stopping me enjoying anything .
Well I've started CBT over telephone and she is teaching techniques but I'm in such a place that when they stop my brain running I then panic that they have worked and we go again!
On the positive side I am sleeping - only average of 6 hours when I'm an 8 hour on the dot kind of a girl.
I have every symptom under the sun and even though I know its the anxiety or withdrwl from citalopram I still can't shift the health thing from my mind. Today it is kidney disease and subsequent stroke, few days ago Thyroid and cancer. I know Google is not my friend but...
Anyway rant over...off to do my sleep routine of relaxation downloads&hope they work.
Thanks for reading if you got this far!
xx
Forgive the rant - I promise hwen I am well I am generous, funny, shy and kind but currently I am a self obsessed moody cow!
I'm new here and 6-7 weeks ago I woke up and thought whoa my anxiety is back and felt teary all morning at work. Due t significant life events over the last year, my job etc it is apparently justified but...
Left work early to go to the Drs and haven't made it into work since. Took Citalopram two years ago during a stressful period and it worked wonders but it didn't like me this time so two weeks ago I stopped ( Dr gave me Sertraline to replace) but after suicidal thoughts and living in hell I didn't take them....think i've now got discontinuation problems but basically I feel unable to do anything and have a wonderful combination of GAD, health anxiety and panic disorder with depression thrown in. I think i've spent so much time analysing what has caused this that i've established my life is rubbish - I am a serial avoider and have had so many little panic attacks that avoiding is subconcious but I'm running out of things to avoid.- I panic when in enclosed situations and that is what my life is so...
The scary thing is I work in a hospital as a social worker and can't see how it will get better. Living with parents and brother as was buying a house which fell through and they really are the pull yourself together sort even as they watch me throw up. Apparently I can make myself ill just thinking about it - I KNOW if I could stop do you think I would. I want to be at work but I can't talk to Mrs Bloggs about her care at home after her cancer treatment if I am unable to concentrate for more than 10 secs on anything but myself. Yesterday my other brother drove me to his house 40 mins away and I panicked all the way there, while I was there and didn't sleep beefore he boughtme home....but when I'm well his year old daughter is my favourite thing in the world. The dark thoughts are stopping me enjoying anything .
Well I've started CBT over telephone and she is teaching techniques but I'm in such a place that when they stop my brain running I then panic that they have worked and we go again!
On the positive side I am sleeping - only average of 6 hours when I'm an 8 hour on the dot kind of a girl.
I have every symptom under the sun and even though I know its the anxiety or withdrwl from citalopram I still can't shift the health thing from my mind. Today it is kidney disease and subsequent stroke, few days ago Thyroid and cancer. I know Google is not my friend but...
Anyway rant over...off to do my sleep routine of relaxation downloads&hope they work.
Thanks for reading if you got this far!
xx