Health Anxiety and dark thoughts

[southey]

I have been through several episodes of Health Anxiety over the last few years each with a different imagined illness. Seems like I am fine so far despite my worries and with the help of meds can return to a non worrying state eventually.

When my fears and anxiety are at full strength my mind constructs many images of me in hospital in every scenario of my demise possible. Sometimes viewing the scene as me and sometimes as other people.

Sometimes I get so low that the thought of death, in some strange way, brings relief as I would not have to be in this terrible anxious way forever which is strange as it is the fear of getting ill and dying that is the problem in the first place:doh:
Don't worry I'm not suicidal it's just these dark thoughts that come up from time to time are hard to deal with even though I know it's just the anxiety making me think this way.

Anyone else have these dark thoughts?

Atb,

Steve.

[imissnotworrying]

I'm exactly the same, my imagination is so negative and scary. I panic even more that i have something majorly wrong and its going to end badly because in my head I can see it happening! and if i can see it happening i'm convinced it will... I try to see positive things happening using my imagination but they're not as vivid, the mental pictures from that just aren't as convincing, and sometimes i can't even picture it at all. At one point I couldn't imagine any kind of future for myself and I was convinced that was because something was going to happen to me and I wasn't going to have one. I think imagination, being either positive or negative, depends on our moods. If you're not happy it's easier for your imagination to come up with negative images than positive ones.. I'd say i'm happier than i was 2 years ago (when i couldn't see a future) and even though i still have health anxiety, i don't have that overall 'i can't see a future so i won't have one' feeling. I wish I could be really happy though, I feel that'd rid me of HA for good. I guess that's why they suggest anti-depressants. But i really don't want to take meds personally. Xx

[Bailey2001]

i had very similiar thoughts regarding health anixety...you couldnt ever see yourself in the future, right? i struggled and struggled for years, not taking any meds, thinking i was weak if i did....however, after much convincing i decided to try them and worked no end for me..only a small dose but it just takes the edge off you and helped me reset my mind to a sensible level, thus acknowledging that every ache and pain was probably due to something other than MS etc etc...i wouldnt tell anyone what to do with their bodies etc, but medication helped for me and brought me back a normal life....

[imissnotworrying]

i had very similiar thoughts regarding health anixety...you couldnt ever see yourself in the future, right? i struggled and struggled for years, not taking any meds, thinking i was weak if i did....however, after much convincing i decided to try them and worked no end for me..only a small dose but it just takes the edge off you and helped me reset my mind to a sensible level, thus acknowledging that every ache and pain was probably due to something other than MS etc etc...i wouldnt tell anyone what to do with their bodies etc, but medication helped for me and brought me back a normal life....

I'm glad meds helped you :) what ones were you put on may i ask? honestly when i first got given them it was reading the side effects that put me off, but if my health anxiety carries on i probably will give them another shot eventually, i'll have no other choice. i feel this board is helping me right now, i feel more logical about things, but i've felt i was 'getting before' before and relapsed, so we'll see lol Xx

[southey]

You know, side affects don't worry me at all, yet I worry about health issues even though I have no symptoms, strange isn't it?

I know your med question was aimed at Bailey but thought I would let you know I take Citalopram and it does work for me although I have just started a course hence why I'm having a rough time at the moment. I know the feeling of my mind being 'reset' and welcome it.

Steve.

[imissnotworrying]

You know, side affects don't worry me at all, yet I worry about health issues even though I have no symptoms, strange isn't it?

I know your med question was aimed at Bailey but thought I would let you know I take Citalopram and it does work for me although I have just started a course hence why I'm having a rough time at the moment. I know the feeling of my mind being 'reset' and welcome it.

Steve.

i get what you mean :/ personally i find it strange that my mind is fully aware that people get into car accidents etc yet my mind doesn't worry about that or stop me from getting into a car etc. yet when my mind is aware people get horrible health issues my mind worries like crazy and i'm doing my best to be healthy and avoid anything like that. thanks for letting me know about the meds you've started, citalopram was what my doctor prescribed me too. having searched the boards people do seem to have had a rough time on them initially but there seem to have been a fair number of success stories with them. they will be the ones i try if i really can't get through this myself. i hope they help you :) keep us updated Xx

[Bailey2001]

i was/am on citalopram too...20mg....the first 6 weeks or so arent great and you tend to feel worse before you feel better but they definitely work for me and i basically lead a normal life and tend to only worry about the things that any person would worry about..not things like "omg im going to die from cancer because ive got a rash"...i know you have to watch what you drink on tablets but ive always enjoyed a vino and never really suffered...i guess you just have to know your limits etc..

my main problem was palpitations, it used to drive me mad but these drugs have definitely calmed those down and that in itself has made me feel alot more human.

dont suffer in silence, thats what i say and at the end of the day, its only a tablet, like people take hayfever pills, asthma meds etc and no one thinks twice about them taking them...but without them, they would have a poor quality of life, therefore in my mind, taking a little pill in the morning for anixety is no different....

[imissnotworrying]

i was/am on citalopram too...20mg....the first 6 weeks or so arent great and you tend to feel worse before you feel better but they definitely work for me and i basically lead a normal life and tend to only worry about the things that any person would worry about..not things like "omg im going to die from cancer because ive got a rash"...i know you have to watch what you drink on tablets but ive always enjoyed a vino and never really suffered...i guess you just have to know your limits etc..

my main problem was palpitations, it used to drive me mad but these drugs have definitely calmed those down and that in itself has made me feel alot more human.

dont suffer in silence, thats what i say and at the end of the day, its only a tablet, like people take hayfever pills, asthma meds etc and no one thinks twice about them taking them...but without them, they would have a poor quality of life, therefore in my mind, taking a little pill in the morning for anixety is no different....

thank you for the info bailey :) i'm getting a lot better at waiting my symptoms out now, but if i have another relapse with high anxiety i do think i'll go for the meds, because otherwise i'm wasting my time thinking i'm getting better when i'm not, when i could actually be taking something that should help. thanks Xx

[Bailey2001]

too right! dont suffer if you dont have to! i wish you luck xxxx