Need/Encouragement/advice/kick up the Bottom

[stuart39]

Bumped into an old friend last week that I had blanked for 7 years due to the eating/swallowing problems and the secrecy that goes with it. I couldnt escape or ignore him as it was in the middle of a busy street-its easy to do it via text or email but not in person.
maybe somebody was looking down on me because what it meant was that i had to tell him (and his partner) why I havent seen them all these years and ignoring their messages etc. I went around to their house that night and just came out with the problems I have had since I was 11 (43 now!).

anyway him and his missus in all the time we ate together every realised about my problems and i said thats probably more down to how well I have got at hiding/disguising it.

he is now in a senior position at his company and he knows I am unemployed. apparently they have a vacancy coming up in the area of work that i used to do and was qualified in. inside i dont feel ready to return to a work environment where i might have to eat my lunch in front of colleagues or go to the odd social "doo". but ive felt like this for 7 years so will i always feel like this and do i need to just bite the bullet and say sod this swallowing problem-it cant carry on controlling my life. if i just tell people as i meet them that might just make me more relaxed perhaps? do i say anything and disguise it like I always have (although i am patently a slow eater of large meals).

i have to go back to see my upper GI consultant on 22nd June which is some way off yet the vacancy might be open in the next couple of weeks and it wouldnt look good in my new job asking for a day off or an afternoon off to go the hospital after only a month or so.........

should i just face this head on? i feel judged if i eat slower than other people when out in social settings, as if i am being watched because my swallowing reflex becomes less effective as i work my way through a meal.

its held me back career wise for over 15 years or at least thats my excuse for not progressing up the ladder.

i dont know what to do......i have 20 years of my working life ahead of me and if at some point i dont make a change and get back in the saddle i could end up claiming dole money until I am 65.

do i need a kick up the bum or should i hold off any employment until i have seen the consultant next month? is that just putting things off? should i tell the employer at the interview about the problems I have had all these years or is that unprofessional and will it just bore the interviewer?

[rockydog]

Hey, at least you was able to tell them what was going on and he still mentioned the job vacancy, so couldnt have seen it as a huge problem. Also they never noticed it themselves, which is reassuring to hear that other people obviously arent noticing it quickly. So you must have been doing a great job of appearing "normal" then so can do that again if need be.
Going to the interview may be a good idea as it maybe the change in focus you need,you could say out right at the interview, "I need to make you aware I have a hospital appointment coming up on... is this likely to be an issue."

I personally wouldnt tell them about the "problem" just like you wouldnt tell them about a relationship issue or any other personal problem. You would be taking the job with view of improving your life and managing the complaint so dont want to make it a focus when you start.

You have had this complaint for quite some time and staying home and doing what you are doing now doesn't seem to be helping you, so possibly a new approach, taking the job is what you need to do. If it is the wrong decision and you cant manage it, then you stop doing it, but you have given it a go and you will never know if you turned down the one opportunity that may have turned this around if you dont try ?
As for the eating and feeling judged, don't do that to your self I know some people with crazy eating habits and have a daughter with Aspergers who is very successful and at university who has issues with food. She wont eat out unless it is something very safe as she has a fear of food additives or something being dropped in her meal or hidden glass (quite crazy ;) ) I know others who can't eat if their food is touching on the plate....There's a lot more people out there than you realise hiding these things and once you are feeling more confident with the people you meet you can chose whether to tell them, even explain it as a medical problem. My daughter says she has food allergies to get by and to people close says look im a nut ok !!! :)
Hope you work it out x

[vicky23]

hi I really think this sounds like a great opportunity and it'd be a shame to miss it.
I know it doesn't look good asking for time off so soon but if you say in the interview I'm sure they'd be fine about it.
with regards to eating at work, would this job involve eating on the job? you should get a lunch break where you could just get out and eat.
If you don't go for this particular job maybe meeting this old friend has been the motivation you need to start looking into other jobs
well wishes either way

[BobbyDog]

Your friend obviously has faith in your abilities and thinks you are the man for the job.

Rockydog is right, just say you have food allergies.

This could just be the brake you need to get your life back on track.

You have nothing left to lose and an awfull lot to gain by at least going for the interview, it will give you back some confidence.

Go for it!