Really Bad Day - got to do it all again tomorrow

[Kaya]

Hi everyone

Below is a post I made to an ocd forum - but it's also panic - in fact I think a lot of it is more panic than ocd in this occasion....

I'm having a real bad day - so if anyone is any good with 'travel panic' or 'event panic' - i'd be SO GRATEFUL if you could help me out if you've got the time to read the post below! and thankyou!!!!! I will read it tonight:-

Having a REALLY bad day. It's probably a mixture of my ocd and anxiety....

I have panics about getting ill, catching things, etc....mainly because when I feel unwell I go into a sheer panic - feeling like i'm going to die....it seems unlike other people i really cannot stand the feeling of being unwell, that is anything that involves nausea, faintness.....and unfortunately I witnessed someone die suddenly and I keep having that image going around and thinking that could happen too if i'm ill.

I'm particularly like this when I travel....

Today I returned from an event that is only 100 miles away because I was finding the whole thing 'too much.' Just everything from the numbers of people there, the queue for food....I kept having thoughts 'i don't have the energy for this,' and also i didn't sleep a wink so I was convinced that I would be feeling faint or sick by the end of the day ......so i left before that even had a chance to happen. :-(

I should go back tomorrow....I want to - it's just that as soon as I get there (it's a busy event) I feel like i'm in another world.....

My panic got so bad today that the wrist tag that they give you - i ripped it off because i felt claustrophobic with it around my wrist!

I thought once I got home I would feel differently, calm down a bit - I have a bit but not enough - nowhere near what I usually am.....and I have to go back tomorrow, I want to i've spent a lot of money on this event and I know it's good for me to push a bit harder.....tonight is my respite but to stay home is avoidance.

Can anyone help? Right now I could cry all night. It'sw not specific to ocd - although there's a bit of 'if i could only guaratee 100% that i don't get ill, then I could enjoy the event...' So i'm trying to get the certainty that Dr Grayson talks about...

thanks for listening :-( :-( :-( :-( (by the way i live alone - and I can't even call anyone because people are so judgemental about it - they just get more and more into the label and they are not helpful - so I don't want anyone to know....but it means i feel so alone)

[lizzie29]

Hi Kaya

Firstly, I think you should be proud that you managed even some of today - it would've been easy not to go, so you've achieved something there :-)

I think only you can decide about tomorrow. If you don't try, will you feel worse and like you should have tried? Or will you feel worse if you go and have to come back early? If you go, is there any way you couldn't outside for 5 mins for a breather if you felt like it? Try and find some techniques or things you can do that will help. Bottle of water, chewing gum, etc. If youre worried about feeling faint, have a cereal bar or something you can nibble on.

It's a shame you haven't got anyone for support - have you seen your doctor?

Whatever happens tomorrow, today was an achievement :-)

[BobbyDog]

Yes, you should be very proud of yourself, what a great achievement, it did sound quite overwhelming. I too would have struggled in that situation.

With you being in utter panic, it's not surprising that you hav'n't been able to calm down or relax.

If you do decide to go back tomorrow, make sure you can get some fresh air if you start to feel stressed out.

Only you can decide wheather to go back tomorrow, either way be proud of yourself, do not beat yourself up.:hugs:

[Kaya]

Thanks Lizzie29 and BobbyDog!

Lizzie thanks for saying today was an achievement - in some ways it would be easier if i didn't want to go - but there's a part of me that's quite strong at times and actually seeks the opposite of my panicky side - so i am often in conflict. Also I see photos of others travelling etc all the time to far flung places - and they don't bat an eyelid, so I think i should be able to do 100 miles up the road!

Yes I will get some cereal bars - but I think the problem is sometimes lack of sleep rather than food and anxiety means that I don't sleep....that said I can at least keep the food side of things working properly.

Thanks BobbyDog also for saying I did well - I can see the positives....I am a little calmer now, it's taken all evening and i'm still not right! It's not so much beating myself up - it's more than the people that are at this event with me will wonder what is going on and get annoyed with me....

---------- Post added at 22:04 ---------- Previous post was at 22:02 ----------

Another thing that's not helping with panic is that I think i've got conjuntivitis in both eyes - every so often they go red and slightly itchy. I'm thinking the worst. i've cleaned them with water but don't know what else to do - and panicked that it was the hair dye i used yesterday and that it's an allergy.....but my scalp is fine so it wouldn't just be in the eyes would it? I don't remember getting anything in my eyes :blush:

---------- Post added at 22:08 ---------- Previous post was at 22:04 ----------

ok i've read about it now - it sounds more like an infection than an allergy - and I need to wait a few days - so less panicky about that one! phew! Mind is on hyper drive....

[Mindful]

A big pat on the back for todays efforts!

Why not go tomorrow but dont pressure yourself into staying all day, tell yourself you will stay 1 hour and then you can leave, after 1 hour if you fancy another half hour then great.. who knows you might end of staying right through to the end, if not, then so be it, you will have gone back, even after having a bad day today and you will have seen your goal- 1 hour- through. x

[lizzie29]

Hi Kaya. Did you go? X