Family away for 3 days

[Elle-Kay]

My mum & dad are going away to Wales for my sister's graduation tomorrow, and returning on Wednesday. Even though I don't live with them now, I'm still trying to settle into my new home (it's taking a long time, and just yesterday we had notification that we have to move out again in September as the landlord wants to move back in!) and I'm really starting to get panicky tonight about them going away :(

I'm torn between not wanting them to go (not even a tiny possibility of this) so that they're here "in case I need them" (how selfish am I?!?), and not wanting them to go in case something happens to them on the way there or back...

At the moment, I'm feeling very tense, hot & dizzy and I'm meant to go to work tomorrow and Tuesday [xx(]

Would it be totally giving in to go and stay at my parents' house tomorrow night and Tuesday night (as I still feel safer there than anywhere)?

I think I'm in for a rough three days :(

Leah.

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[chedda]

Hia leah,
I dont think your selfish its just the way you are at the moment and the way you are thinking and worrying.If you feel safer at your parents then go and stay there if it makes it easier for you ,its not giving in its just making it easier for you.I really hope that you dont have a really rough time do they have mobile phones that you could phone or they could phone you if you needed to? That way you have that reassurance as well
Take care cheryl xx

[Elle-Kay]

Thanks Cheryl. I'm sure that I will still feel a bit fat failure if I go to stay at my parents' house (and that my fiancee will be cross with me, no matter how many times he says he isn't), but I'm also sure it would help me feel a bit easier in myself to be there...

My parents do both have mobile phones, and I've also got the telephone number of where they are staying, but if I've phoned them or they've phoned me while they are away in the past, I've actually panicked more as I suddenly seem to realise how far away they are and how they couldn't be with me if I did need them, and there is just no-one else that I trust the 150% that I do my mum to look after me (other family don't know I suffer this way)....not even my fiancee, which makes me feel even worse :(

Leah

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[chucklehound]

Hi Leah, I agree with Chedda, if you feel safer at your parrents then maybe you should stay there. This doesn't make you a failiure, it's making it easier on you for the time being.

Take care

Chuckle

xxxx

[chedda]

Hia Leah
Dont know if youve managed to get to work but hope you have it may help to get your mind off things a little bit.
I would stay at your parents house,you are in no way a failure by doin that you are just making it a bit better for yourself.You could stay there and in the evenings give the house a really good clean through,use that as an excuse if you need to and think what a lovely suprise it will be for when they come back :D.That way you have something to aim for ,you have a reason to be staying there and you are doing something positive for your parents.Even the tidiest houses need a clean ...lol
Let me know how your getting on
take care cheryl xx

[Elle-Kay]

Hi guys, thanks for your reassurances. I've made it into work this morning, but I only got to sleep at 4:30am this morning so have only had about 3.5 hours sleep and I feel a bit rough for it [xx(] I went to my parents house to get some lunch from work (as its closer than going to our house) but all I could stomach was a glass of squash and a Club chocolate biscuit, and I was nearly in tears that the house was so empty when I got there. I will go there again after work to make sure the guinea pigs are fed & close the curtains, and see how I feel about going home then. I doubt I'll be able to have any dinner wherever I am though, and that it will be another sleepless night [Ugh]

I've set my fiancee the task of booking an appointment for us at the registrars office to give notice of our wedding next year today, so hopefully if that all goes according to plan it will cheer me up a bit.

Roll on Wednesday evening when they're home, and when I'll have a week off work to recover...

Thanks for your thoughts again!

Leah.

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[carlin]

Hi Leah, you are not selfish and you are not a failure, if you were my daughter I would just want you to stay where you felt most at ease. Why not take a little take-away back to your parents after work, close all the curtains, put the tv on and see how you feel. Stop worrying so much about everyone elses feelings, they all just want you to be ok. As for your fiancee, what are these men like eh? he will get over it, and I do love a wedding, keep us informed on that score too!!!! xxxxxjean

[PUGLETMUM]

hi leah, i'm the same with this problem, even though people are of no use to me if they go away i start to worry, so i defo know how you feel! which is'nt very nice for me and probably not much comfort to you.

this is what it's like for me though - in december of last year we were due to go to center parc with our daughter and mark's mum and dad, but i'd already started getting ill with anxiety all of the autumn so i did'nt feel up to it. me and mark had a horrendous 4 days, i was just sooo guilty the whole time that once again he's missed out on a holiday with our daughter - she went with his mum and dad.

next at february half term i was even worse - anxious all the time, and marks mum and dad said they were going to scotland( their other son's partners family own a place there) but i just felt horrendous, i just thought with me being ill like this, struggling to make it through each day i can't cope if something happens to mark and i've gort to lok after our daughter on my own. so again she went with them, now at this point mark was just unable to be nice to me at all - he was'nt nasty he just shut of, which meant i dealt with my panic myself which was very bad, i could'nt even watch shameless as i found it too disturbing!!! whatever that means, i can't believe now that i can feel sooo bad that a tv program has this effect on me.

anyway i've been getting better since then as really it's a case of sink or swim!

they have been away since at easter and we coped, and they are going away in aug/sep for ten days and i'll cope then, but i'm apprehensive already!!! so i know how you feel, i think it's security, because i don't even really like mark's mum and dad but i feel more secure when they are here.

anyway i also agree with people above, don't worry about their feelings it just makes you worse, you will get confidence that although you felt rubbish you DID cope while they were away and it might make you feel a bit stronger to know that you did it alone without your mum. all the best emmas

[RunsFromBugs]

Hi Leah,

I live with my husband but was rather frightened when I found out that my parents would be moving to Texas (a 5 hour flight from where I live) What helped me most was that my husband knew about my prob as did a couple of close friends. And I came through it ok. I used to have trouble accepting my husband's assurances that he wasn't upset at me when I'd ask him to drive me places. But I eventually realized that I was just creating problems that way. You have enough stresses without constantly worrying if your fiancee is being honest with you. Unless he's given you reason to believe otherwise, I would try to accept that he loves and cares for you and only wants what is best. If it helps, try putting yourself in his shoes. If he suddenly had the sort of prob you do, would you be upset at him? Or would you try to make allowances to help him get better? Also look at your relationship and think of the ways in which you help him. If he's like mine, he's not good at looking after his physical well-being and so I make all his dr and dentist appts and make sure that he goes to them. Hope this didn't ramble too much. :)

[Elle-Kay]

emmas - thanks for your post, it's nice to know that someone else knows exactly how I'm feeling & has gotten through it and come out the other side. I keep trying to tell myself that time will go just at the same pace whether I'm worrying or not, so why bother expending the energy? but I don't seem to be listening all that well!

RunsFromBugs - (great name - reminds me of me, only with me its anything that's yellow and black and buzzes!) - Thanks for what you said about your husband. It does kind of put it in a bit of perspective when I think that I would be concerned only for helping him be better if the tables were turned. I don't know why I can't 100% trust him to look after me if I'm in a bad patch - he has known about my anxiety since day 1 of our relationship (nearly 5 years) and apart from getting frustrated a few times, he's been there and dealt with it with me (he was the one who left my aunt's wedding reception with me to drive me home when I panicked and had to leave, he was the one who held my hand last night in bed until he just couldn't keep his eyes open any longer...)

The (semi) good news is that I'm still at my home, not at my parents' at the moment, and I've managed to have some dinner (though only two slices of pizza and a yoghurt - and I managed to cut my tongue on that!). I'm going to go to bed shortly and watch Big Brother (I know, I'm sad!), and then read my book until I drop off again like last night (though hopefully it will be before 4:30am this time!).

Thank-you for your thoughts today, everyone. I'll be back tomorrow for day 2 of 3!

Leah.

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[chedda]

Hia Leah
hope you had a better nights sleep last night :D
Hey your almost half way through this now and youve survived at your own home and you managed to eat a bit of tea aswell....well done you !!!!.Let us know how your getting on
take care cheryl xx

[RunsFromBugs]

Hi Leah,

Yeh I run from anything that can sting me. :)

I'm glad to hear that you do have such a supportive fiancee. And I think some of the wedding planning should help with your anxieties. It did for me - I usually just need something to focus my attention on besides how I feel.

Hope you got more sleep last night!

[scoobygirl2005]

Hi Leah.

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Just try not to worry and focus on positive things, perhaps it would be a good idea to go and stay at your parents house while they are away. You can always come on the forum and we will all cheer you up. [^] Try and stay occupied and focus on a hobby or something and it will take your mind off things. Hope this helps.

Scooby2005
x x

[Elle-Kay]

Cheryl - thanks so much for keep coming back & listening to me going on! I've checked back from work a couple of times today, and it was nice to see you posting again - like I have had someone thinking of me who understands exactly my point of view :)

Scooby - thank-you for the reassurance and suggestions - I'm a real bookworm and have always found comfort in losing myself in a good book (or, if I don't have a good book, in anything that I can pick up and read - I've been known to read the back of cosmetics bottles before now!), so I've ploughed my way through the end of one book, and the beginning of another since Sunday night.

I've had an ok day today - I had more lunch and dinner than yesterday, and felt more positive and myself than yesterday while at work. I think the fact that I got a better night's sleep must have helped - I fell asleep at 10:30 last night, and though I woke up in a bit of a panic at about 2:30am I was asleep again fairly soon and slept right through to my alarm going off.

I'm having a bit of a "turn" now though because my dad rang a little while ago to say that their car has broken down in Wales, and although he knows what is wrong with it (he used to be a mechanic) and has managed to get a local mechanic to come and repair it at 7am tomorrow, I still can't help the irrational thought that now they're stranded there and wouldn't be able to get back to me even if I begged them to come back right away (this is irrational because they wouldn't be able to just leave in the middle of the night anyway on my whim!) :( My tummy is also a bit churny, which is probably part anxiety and part not eating properly yesterday (and part fresh fruit salad for lunch!), but that isn't helping, and I may find that I go to stay at my parents' house after all tonight.

I said to my fiancee from the moment they left that I knew something would go wrong on this trip (it had to - my parents' luck has been rubbish lately with my dad having his wallet & keys stolen the weekend before last and various other things). I just hope that this is the thing that was going to go wrong, and not anything worse on their way home [Ugh]

Roll on tomorrow evening... (actually, roll on first thing tomorrow morning first, for news of if the car has been repaired & is back on its wheels!)

Leah.

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[nomorepanic]

Leah

It is not giving in atall. If you feel safe there then that is what matters.

Hope you cope ok and they will be back before you know it.

Nicola

[chedda]

Hia Leah glad you had a better nights sleep,it sure does help.
Hope the car got sorted then that will be one less worry for you,and today is the day they come home :D
Panic or not you got through it !!!!!!! You coped you thought you wouldnt but you did you are a stronger person than you think you are ,you managed to work aswell !!! Well Done You !!!
take care cheryl xx

[RunsFromBugs]

You should be very proud of yourself for getting relaxed enough to sleep so much last night. Good job!

[Elle-Kay]

Well, they're home :) Yesterday I was unexpectedly anxious when it came to bedtime, but I think the Chinese takeaway for dinner didn't help with all that monosodiumglutomate (or however you spell it!), and it passed when I got into bed as I was nodding off to sleep within half an hour (it usually takes me a couple of hours to get to sleep). The little fairy cakes that I made and iced with "Lil Bit (my nickname for my sister) BA Hons" went down a treat, and Lil Bit now wants to know when we are going berry picking, and when she can go try the bridesmaids dress she has picked on, so back to normal really :)

Thanks everyon, SO much for all the messages over the past 3 days! :D

Leah.

--- Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal.

[chedda]

Well Done Leah !!!!!
Knew you could get through it :D
take care cheryl xx

[scoobygirl2005]

Hi Leah.

Well done mate. Told you it would be ok. :D

Scooby2005
x x