working disaster

[Will Loynes]

Ever since I have had a panic and anxiety disorder I have struggled to work.
Intially I used to persevere, but as the illness got a grip of me it became increasingly impossible. In 2001 I had two really severe attacks that made me collapse in the office, the result of which I was rushed to hospital with a suspected heart attack. I ended up collapsing at least a couple of times a week, leading to days off through exhaution. Work decided to bring in a new policy of with holding sick pay and penalising the bonus scheme that I had. I used to receive heavy phone calls from them in the evening telling me to come into work or else!
Eventually I had a complete breakdown bought on by stress and nervous exhaution, this was followed by severe panic aggrophobia/ claustrophobia, fear of supermarkets, built up places, large crowds, noise.
I have managed to re-gain a lot of lost ground, but one thing I struggle with is to keep going to work, I have that monday morning feeling everyday. I also want to come home as soon as I get to work. This year alone I have had 5 jobs that I havent been able to keep going to, also I have had jobs that Ive been accepted for but havent even started.
The only job I have held down is a part time job, 10 hours a week, in a DVD shop.
Any ideas how I can get my confidence back and get some consistency would be greatly appreciated.

cheers

Will :(

[Daisybun]

Hi Will, sorry that you had such an awful experience with work. Have you ever had any counselling to deal with how you were treated in that job? That could one of the reasons why you find it hard to work now as you had such a bad experience. It is positive that you have the DVD job, it is a start!

Take care
Daisybun

'This too will pass'

[carol1969]

Hi Will
Sorry you are feeling so down. First i want to say well done for working in the first place. The fact that you have had 5 jobs this year and been on several interviews shows how persistant you are and how much you want to work. I think you already have the confidence and enthusiasm to get through this. I think you are a really brave person because you are trying so hard and thats whats important. I'm glad you are enjoying your dvd job thats great and perhaps you could ask for more hours there and give your other job up.
Love Carol x

If you have peace of mind you have everything

[RunsFromBugs]

Have you tried any sort of long term exposure therapy? It took many months for me but eventually I went from being unable to leave the house alone to making 5 hour drives by myself and even plane trips - the epitome of bravery for me :). And you start out small so that it's not overwhelming and build up; the lil successes along the way slowly build your confidence up. If exposure is too scary, some initial meds to get you started might help too.

[missacorah]

Hi I am new to the forum - infact this is my first post and I am really glad to have found like minded people who dont judge each other in negative way. I had to take almost 2 months off my job at the peak of my illness and I still have good days and bad but the way I look at things now is to not give myself too much to do. So say I work from 8.45 till 3pm every day then I am happy with myself and I dont push myself to do anything else. People may think my life is boring but I am just starting afresh and enjoying what I do do.

[kate]

Hi Will,

I have carried on working through all my depression/anx/panic over the last 25 years but it has been bloody hard going.

I have been in my present job for 4 years and I now do have some days when I don't have that "Monday morning feeling"!

It is a real struggle most of the time though and I do only work part time from 9am til 2.15pm as a dinner lady but this is all that I can cope with to be honest.

Keep doing what you are doing Will and it really will start to get easier.

Kate

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"