HIV phobia/ocd

[Ruby8]

I'm in the middle of a HIV panic attack. I've been told by the National Aids Helpline that I should grab a glass of wine and sit in the sun as I have not put myself at risk so why am I still thinking that I have and that I need a test to put my mind at rest? I have battled for 14years with this phobia, so depressed. X

[nomorepanic]

Hi Ruby8

We just wanted to welcome you aboard to NMP. We hope you enjoy your stay here and get all the support and advice you need.

Please take some time to read the website articles on the left as well for loads of advice and tips.

[MatthewJames]

Hi there,

I used to suffer from this phobia and can really relate to what you have said. I thought that I would never work my way through it but I did. For me the answer was anti depressants to combat my OCD and CBT support. The medication was what made the change for me. Hope this helps:bighug1:

[JustJames]

Hi Ruby8,

I'm sorry you are feeling so depressed. Please don't ever think that you won't get over this though, you will. Although I do not have your exact phobia (my phobia is a feeling of going mad or losing control when I'm outside because of anxiety and panic) I do know how it feels to have negative thought patterns and habits. Can I ask if you have ever tried meditation or cbt? These can be very helpful.

James :)

[Ruby8]

I'm on Paroxetine and just this week because of the anxiety my doc gave me Propanelol (which helps). I've had CBT in past and have thought I'd cracked it but it comes back at me with a vengeance. How can I rid myself of this forever? I'm thinking the only way is to be single and never get involved but this sounds so sad.
x

[JustJames]

I don't know a huge amount about medication although I am on venlofaxine for my anxiety for years, but if you feel your meds aren't working perhaps another trip to the doctor can help? In regard to being single what you're feeling is very normal in the circumstances. I am in a not very happy or constructive relationship myself at the moment, and think I would be happier being single again. You can rid yourself of this though believe me. I did recently find an excellent book, and I hope it's ok for me to mention it on the forum without getting in trouble. It's The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I can't tell you how it has helped me to see my problems in a more positive and realistic light, I can't recommend it enough. It's very spiritual but in a very down to earth way.

Sorry to ramble on, but if I were you I would do the following:

1. Go and see your doctor again and tell them how you are feeling
2. Get regular exercise
3. Try some light meditation exercises
4. Get regular sleep
5. Confide in a friend and let them support you, don't feel to proud to talk about it
6. Check out the mindgym website, it's really good to get these feelings off your chest

Hope this helps Ruby x

[Ruby8]

thanks for your wise words James. When I am this low the fear paralyses me and I cannot move from either my bed or the sofa. Everything you say is totally the best thing to do but until I have a test and get a negative result NOTHING will change as everything feels so helpless. x

[Mr Brownstone]

What makes you think you have it? Surely you've been tested by now?

[Ruby8]

Hi Mr Brownstone. This current worry is from an encounter I had last weekend, even though I know I'm not at risk, the irrational part of my brain takes over and I get swamped with fear. I can go for the 10 day test next week but meanwhile every day feels like a year.

[Mr Brownstone]

ive kinda been there. Had that fear about 7 years ago, but only based on the one encounter. Not had it since but i know how brutal it can be. Constant panic, just thinking of ways it could have happened even though you know its a million to one chance, you think you're that "one". Does it happen every time you have sex with someone, or just someone new?

[Ruby8]

Happens every time although I don't put myself 'out there' any more as I know I just can't handle it. It truly is brutal and destroying. Life just stops until I know I am negative. :)x

[Mr Brownstone]

You're gonna have to stop having the "sexy time" :o

[Ruby8]

I sure am Mr B, it just ain't worth the trauma.:hugs:

[southey]

Even though you are certainly negative and a test will put your mind at rest does it help to know that being HIV positive is no longer the terrible thing it was years ago and with over 20 different drugs available the virus is considered manageable and people should expect a normal lifespan?

I had this fear over 10 years ago which was the start of my health anxiety but never got tested as I was able to over time to reason with myself I was not at risk.

I must have read every article going and became proficient in HIV knowledge and treatments. Since then 10 years have past and treatments have improved to the extent that people can take 1 pill a day. That's not to say having HIV is a picnic but it's certainly not doom and gloom as it was in the 80's and early 90's.

Being a worried well is no fun is it?

Atb,

Steve:)

[Ruby8]

Bless you Steve. The irony is if any one of my friends or family said they were HIV positive I wouldn't bat an eyelid, same as if they told me they had diabetes or cancer or any other type of illness so why am I so hard on myself? I 'lose' the logic when the depression kicks in with it. You are 100% right, being HIV is no longer a death sentence, I guess I still think there is a stigma out there.

Worried well is such a good phrase.
x:)

[Mr Brownstone]

How you getting on Ruby?

[babygirl08]

hi ruby. i have the same problem, i am absolutely afraid of hiv. and i do admit that sometimes this phobia gets the best of me which destroys me inside and out. being so paranoid about hiv is such a bad thing. it affects me badly asmuch as those around me especially my boyfriend, he goes absolutely nuts and threatens to break up because i take it to far. i have taken two tests already, both negative and for some reason my brain seems to make up things so i wil not be satisfied about the result although inside im so happy about being negative. i make up things like ''oh what if the result was wrong'' or if the result will change overnight or something even though i wasnt really at risk in the first place. i madenmy boyfriend take so many tests for nothing,and it affects our relationship. it actually kills the affection and love. i really dont mean to but it freaks me out. im so afraid to get scratched or cut by anything i just wish i could stop this now. i have major panic attacks seriously. i cant breathe at times my body goes numb i become nauseas and it isnt fun. i use to be such a bubbly person always hapy now im to afraid to eat with my hands or to drink or eat from anyone. :weep: please help me!!!! how do i stop this

[babygirl08]

I suffer wid a huge hiv phobia. Its gotten terrible i cannot carry on from day to day. Does anyone know of ways to help get over this:ohmy:

[Jean18]

I suffer wid a huge hiv phobia. Its gotten terrible i cannot carry on from day to day. Does anyone know of ways to help get over this:ohmy:

Hey babygirl08, it was actually comforting to read ur posts coz I'm going through the exact same thing. Constant fear, the tiniest things set me off and I have to run to the sink and wash my hands. If I see a red mark I automatically assume its blood and my head screams danger!!!! Lately I want to just crawl into bed and cry coz I think "what if I'm like this for the rest of my life? How the hell would I start a new relationship if my current one ended? Hi my name is jean and before I give u my number do u have HIV?".... Yeah wouldn't go down so well. I feel so uncomfortable when I visit my family coz I worry I'll infect them, and its all so crazy- I'm NOT infected, I've never even been at risk having only been with one person (my current partner who has tested negative) and I've never done drugs. The sad part is I've studied immunology and microbiology so I know all about the disease and I know just how silly I'm being coz if u could catch HIV by eating out at a restaurant or going shopping and touching surfaces then damn we'd all have it! But trying to reason with a phobia is useless. I'm in the process of getting help and am about to start seeing a psychiatrist. It also helps when u let close friends know- u don't have to be specific just say ur a germaphobe and suffer from anxiety. That's what I tell myself now "stop trying to reason with ur anxiety, it doesnt listen, just breathe and tomorrow this particular incident won't seem so scary". If ur not already seeing a psychiatrist then u need to start. You've already taken the first steps in admitting to yourself/realising that u suffer from anxiety and OCD.
It won't be easy to get over this but u have to stay strong and keep moving forward, don't let it cripple u (this is what I tell myself by the way) I won't let it sink me into depression coz I know it will if I give up.
Keep me posted bout how ur doing Hun, it helps to talk about these things

[B-Brain]

Hi everybody!

I think Jean has made a very good point: you can't always reason with anxiety, sometimes it just is.

But having said that, I just want to re-assure everybody that it is actually quite difficult to contract HIV. As a gay man myself, I'm used to a certain level of (positive) discrimination from medical professionals, I.e. every time I walk into a doctors surgery, doesn't matter if its for a sore thumb, the FIRST thing they do is send me off for an HIV test.

But what I've learnt is that being sensible and not taking unnecessary risks is the best protection. Be selective with your sexual partners, use a condom and don't worry yourself. Of course there is always a small risk, but life itself is a calculated risk. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow crossing the road. But if I use the pedestrian crossing and look first before I cross, that risk becomes a whole lot smaller.

We mustn't wrap ourselves in cotton wool. Life is to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest. As long as we respect ourselves and each other, there's no reason why we shouldn't.

That's what I try to do. But I'm the first to admit I'm work in progress :blush:

[kcsullivan]

No matter how much you test yourself, the feeling will flare up again. It is purely OCD. Fix that and you will quite worrying about the HIV. I was there 5 years ago and HIV testing never made me feel better.