Going downhill :(

[rapidhopeloss]

Hi all...
Well I am back.
My doctor put me on Gabapentin..started of with 300mg once daily and I think it did help calm my mind down a bit....Then she put it up to 300mg twice a day and it helped a lot..I mean,I was actually feeling like I was getting better..I started feeling like my old self! I even arranged a date to go on which is THIS tuesday...The thing is, two days ago suddenly It all stopped, I got my anxiety back, the feeling of dread/fear in the pit of my stomach, the intrusive thoughts, the depersonlization, not knowing who I am,questioning everything,thinking all the time!! And I am scared, because the Gabapentin tablets,they were my last hope of getting better...I am also on Paroxatine by the way, just to add to this. I have been on it for so long now.

My parents have had some bad news, and a few days ago it was said that my dad was being made redundant, the family house came with the job,so we will also be homeless, and we have to find somewhere new to live asap..which is freaking me out as I HATE CHANGE! I can't deal with change,it makes things so much more worse.

Today I just feel like giving up, I don't see the point in working hard to get better only for it to all come back to me :( This time last week,I HAD hope,I saw myself having a normal life, I THOUGHT I was getting better...but now, Im back to where I was, I am a mess and yesterday I wouldnt even leave my bedroom. I awake with a stomach full of anxiety/dread/worry and it doesn't EVER leave..I just want to sleep all the time as thats when I escape this.

What if I DONT have anxiety? what if I am just losing my mind?? I mean..that would explain why the tablets have suddenly stopped right? :(

PLEASE, please..help me.

[Patrick Michael]

Hey Rapidhopeloss.

Its funny ( although I appreciate thats not how you feel ) just what you can survive and come through. Last week you felt great, this week you're not good, next week who knows ?

Hang in there. And you have a date? So what if it doesnt work out. Takes some guts to go on a date frankly ! So good for you.

Keep going

Best

patrick

[theharvestmouse]

Rapid, I feel for you, but don't ever think that tablets are your last hope, in my experience tablets do nothing really and its what you are like as a person that counts. SOunds like you have a lot of inner strength, the fact you keep going and don't let the anxiety hold you back, that takes a massive amount of courage.

I hate change as well, I think its the nature of having anxiety. But keep going because things can change for the better very quickly.

[rapidhopeloss]

I don't think whatever the hell this is, Is anxiety.

I am just losing my mind :(
I don't think I want to live anymore.I can't keep doing this. Up and down ALL the time, I don't understand

[Stormsky]

Tablets are not your last hope, they dont really do much in my opinion, the fact you felt great last week was down to you, and down to positive thinking, the fact you thought the tablets were working made you feel more positive, if you believe something then you feel it...
You are definately not losing your mind, this used to be the biggest thing i felt too, constantly thinking i must be losing it, how else do you explain the scary thoughts, feeling depersonalised, feeling derealisation, doom gloom...
feeling up and down is common with anxiety, i have FELT everything you are at some point in my life... but im off meds, been off 10 months, and its not been easy, but positive thinking is key to everything.... you are as happy as you make up your mind to be (so they say!).. you have to catch yourself when you are thinking negative, when you are telling yourself your going crazy, and STOP those thoughts, instead concentrate on how you felt last week, think about all those GOOD feelings....
Life is short enough as it is, and WE have to make the most of our time here...x